Dear Dr. Jim
My son, now age five is totally freaked out everytime he gets in the chair for a haircut. He acts like the barber is going to kill him everytime he goes.
Poor poor boy! This has been gong on now for two years and he stills freaks out every time he gets haircut.
He just had his haircut for this year last night and same reaction, the barber got so nervous because my son screamed and squealed as if the barber is going to end this poor boy's life.
What am I to do?
Freaked out too, Mom in the Augusta burbs
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Dear Freaked out Mom in the burbs
First thing, little boys should have their hair cut more than once a year. Shame on you, that is something you have control of.
He is old enough after two years of terror to make some choices so why not let him participate?
Try offering to cut his hair. It isn't that hard, while you are learning on him he will be looking better and better as the both of you progress.
His other choice would to act like a BIG BOY and stop all this fussing but go to the barber.
Talk with him to see what it is he doesn't like. Some kids have been pinched or otherwise frightened by the barber.
If that or other ilk has happened, offer to take him to a new barber, but only if he won't fuss. If he fusses, it is Mom in the burbs doing the cutting for years and years!
Hope this helps,
Dr. Jim
One more word here. I am the father of five children, I could never have been able to put with behavior like your kid is exhibiting. If there are no problems, then he is just getting attention. If necessary, I would give my kids the Wood Shed Cure, you may need to try that. Google that term if it is a strange one for you.
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
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Dear Dr. Jim
Very frequently, you advise that people seek professional help. But many of us have lost faith in the professional community because of the many reports of their members' ineptitudes.
So how do we determine a competent professional?
Ray asked from South H.
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Dear Ray
Here are some rules about finding a competent professional:
1. Talk with your friends. They may know of some good professionals in the area you wish, or they may have had personal experience with some. Remember, you are looking for good points and bad points, no one, not even a professional, is perfect.
Note also that this makes you vulnerable, your friends will be asking (perhaps not to your face), 'why is Ray concerned with finding a good professional?'
I generally work around this problem by talking in disguised content, like 'my friend--a name you make up--is trying to find ...'
2. Make an appointment. Your gut feeling and instincts are good here. If you feel uneasy tell the person you think you will be getting several opinions.
Don't hurt the professional's feelings here. I once told an ear doctor who was having trouble diagnosing the ringing in my ears that 'it was all in my head, right?' That doc got mad, left the room and slammed the door on his way out. That was the end for us two.
He couldn't take a joke, at least not this one!
3. Do you realize you are writing a book of your life? Many don't. So is your professional, try to read his or hers the best you can.
The first volume is the e-mail log. Big brother can find those old risqué e-mailings and use them for evidence. Just look at our astronauts here in Houston and the poor District Attorney. Each of them have lost their jobs because of what was said (real steamy stuff) on cyber-space.
The second volume is in what you see on your computer. Not everyone can boast that they always watch and read just the good stuff. When I run into something on an acquaintance's blog or e-mail that is in poor taste, I remark to them that I had a hard time bringing it up. That I had to override my kiddie filter. Most times they will appologize and promise to straighten up some. Other times, they just Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: it without reading to the bottom. I did this once, to my own kids. It was embarassing, the punchline, which I didn't read, was not good.
The third volume of your book is compiled from your check book and credit card transaction records.
The latter tells where your practical values are. The first two reflect upon your moral life.
There is a saying, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Here and Luke 12:34)
4. Check with the professional registry. For example, the State Bar of Texas has on their Web site, after a search for a given attorney, all disciplinary actions taken against the lawyer for a period of ten years. Many other professionals have registries similar.
5. Be sure to check on your state on-line Sexual Preditor Search Registry (link) (Texas). You can search for problems here by entering the professional's home address. While you're at it, do a check on your own address to find any of those preditors who might be living near you and your children.
My list in not nearly comprehensive enough, but I feel it is a good start for you.
And as always, I hope I have helped you, Ray, and all the others who read these pages.
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Dr. Jim also tells us here:
... where a persons treasure is, there ...
Three indicators of what is important to you
e-mails and computer use
credit card use
checkbook
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)
Submit question or comment in privacy now To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.
(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)
To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.
