Dear Dr. Jim
Please, please, Dr. Jim, can you help me, quick!
I want so badly to cook like my mother-in-law but try as I can, it all tastes like cr*p. Even the dog won't eat most of the stuff I cook.
My husband visits his mother every day just to eat a decent meal. The worst part is that he has given up eating what I cook. He won't even try my food anymore. He makes his own breakfast, eats at noon with Mom, and stops at MacDonald's on the way home.
Hopeless Wanna Be Cook in Indiana
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Dear Ms. Hopeless
Cheer up, no one is hopeless. Even Elizabeth Bathory -- "The Blood Countess of Transylvania" back in 1560 had hope for a while! Of course she had to die for her heinous crimes, but no one hardly ever dies from bad cooking.
I truly believe you are a bad cook. We can fault your Mom here. No mother should ever turn a girl loose on a man unless she can cook good. Remember that old saying, "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?" You must be good looking or blonde. Then for a little while, cooking doesn't matter. But now I fear you are finding out.Quick, buy a copy of Betty Crocker's COOKBOOK. That is the easiest good cookbook around. Then read it, a lot. Learn the types of food and basic preparations. YOU CAN LEARN!
Next, have a sit-down-talk with Hubby. Pick his brain and find out exactly what his Mom cooked that he liked. Get some good recipes, you might even call her to ask for her recipe for a certain dish she made.
Then try it. Refine what you cook, write down every change to the recipe so you can go back to point X, or keep the latest addition. When you like it, ask Hubby to try it. Keep your fingers crossed. Don't expect him to like it real well, instead ask him how you might improve this dish.
You could even let Mom-in-law give her opinion. Wait till you and Hubby think it is pretty good.
If this doesn't work, go eat with Hubby. Bring the dog home some doggy bags. Buy it prepared dog food often. You didn't say if you have kids, for their sake, I hope not.
And please don't invite me unless you do learn cooking really good.
I hope this helps,
always, Dr. Jim
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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Dear Dr. Jim
I am a frustrated older, retired man who likes to write short poetry.
I have this problem, I have lost my respect since I retired.
Here is my little poem about that:
a couplet....
my retirement is the pits
i get not respect since i'm 66
Almost had it with this kind of life, Mr. Putz
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Well, Mr. Putz, I am very sorry about how you feel. To me, your poem is nice, though also very revealing.
Saying that, I've been there and done that! And am still in the recovery stage if there is such a thing.
Basically here are your problems:
(1) people no longer know you by your occupation, about you, it is "just that retired elderly fellow down the street;"
(2) your kids probably make more money than you do, way more, some of them;
(3) I don't think you live in a year-round temperate climate. Being snowed in for winters is the pits;
(4) you really don't have any hobbies you are proud of; and
(5) you like visiting and wasting time too much to get into the swing of things like you did when you worked. I surmise you have had an adventuresome life much like I had before you retired.
Now, some ideas. That is all I can do, I'm not a shrink or a professional advisor on personal life. BUT I AM VERY EXPERIENCED IN LIFE!
First get a nice hobby. My wife has pretty near outdone me on golf, so I dropped down on that. I do like to write and this may turn out to be how I am known. "Oh yes, he is the writer over in the Bentwater subdivision," "I know him," or, "I have heard of him."
Since you have been blogging about as long as I have, seem to have about the same amount of time or more than I have, and you also like to write, I'd say cash in on that.
See where poetry takes you. Make blogger friends with it. Here are 690,000 ideas on that aspect (click link # 1) or these 4,700 people who like writing poetry, and they blog about it (click link # 2). Since the latter group all have Blogger Blogs you have something in common with them right away.
You can go to your profile, then click on your interests for more ideas of getting with the bloggers. I just did a blogger search on "writing+poetry." to get the above 4,700.
I have heard you have a dog. Take it for walks in the neighborhood, you will meet a lot of friends that way. Around here, I am also known as "Adi's Grandfather."
You might want to look into training and using your dog as a therapy dog. Especially if you like to be helping people who are even less fortunate than you--there are many (click link # 3) or (click link # 4)! Check with the Delta Society if this interests you at all (click link # 5)
I have to stop here. You can brainstorm your interests, age, former occupation(s), religion, politics, etc, then find local or distant groups or individuals to share these interests with. And go to it, your new dignity is waiting for you!
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
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Dear Dr. Jim
My only child and his first wife moved into a townhome two doors from us the day after they got married.
I stayed completely out of their lives. I NEVER called, came over, or invited them over because I felt my son and daughter-in-law needed to establish themselves as their own family and that too close an involvement with my son would keep him tied to the ways of our family and interfere with my daughter-in-law's intentions for them.
If ever they invited my husband (my son's father) and I out with them, I never walked beside my son, and I talked with her instead of him so that she would know that I'm not competing for him.
I feel that I did the right thing and earned her trust because one day, after a year of her living close by, she told me that when they have children, she wants to move next door to me so I can help her raise them.
Here's my problem: My son has remarried. He and his new wife are much older now than when he first married. Is it still a good idea to keep so distant? I will gladly do so if it's best for their marriage. But since they are now older and more mature, must I still be so cautious? How should I treat my son and daughter-in-law?
Worried and Sleepless in Seaside
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Dear Worried and Sleepless
Yes, this has presented you with a very real dilemma. And hundreds of thousands across our land are experiencing these pangs too, or already have been.
The best advice for sure would be from a consensus of those prior participants but that is impossible for our purposes.
So my advice from personal experiences is to ENJOY YOUR GRANDKIDS the best you can! If your ex-daughter-in-law wants to make better friends, go for that also. For the sake of grandchild relations with you.
Most of my grandchildren are grown now and we have very good relationships. But it cannot rival the times when they were younger and we would go for rides or vacations and the like.
The more involved you are with the grandkids the fuller lives the all of you can have!
I hope this has helped,
Dr. Jim
Oh yes, as always, I advise professional guidance in areas like this should you feel your efforts are not right for the situations.
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
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Dear Dr. Jim
My wife, Gloria Bea, is a pretty girl, she's beautiful. And she knows it! I love her very much, body and all!
A few details for you. First, she is young, just in her early twenties. Second, she is tall and her legs are longer than her body. Third, she wears high heals and shorts a lot of the time.
That is for her looks. The real problem is that she acting like some of those derelict young movie stars. She goes to clubs a lot after work, and although she doesn't drink (due to an injury when she was young), her friends all do.
Guess who is the designated driver? Gloria, of course. So far she has gotten two open container citations because of her friends. Not only that, but three times they have been booked due to the silliness of her friends.
It is no fun bailing her out of jail in the middle of the night. That is not the worst. We just took the easy route out and now she has three misdemeanors on her record. I don't wish to discuss the third situation, Gloria Bea was bad. Just bad.
The judge, after we plead guilty for the third time, told us next time she would have to go to prison. That next conviction would come under our state's three time loser law which says she must go to prison for at least two years as a repeat offender. I need your help quickly, think from seeing your legal background you might be able to help us.
I wish I had married a plain girl!
Almost Desperate Daniel in Chicago
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Oh gosh, Daniel, you have gotten yourself in a world of mess. I can tell you a few things but cannot help you. A lawyer on retainer will be your best help. And a shrink or two should be in order also.
First, Daniel, beauty is only skin deep. I hate to say it, but most men are naturally attracted by long-legged women. I am like that, one of my favorite songs is Legs (She's Got Legs, She Know How To Use Them) by ZZ Top (link)
You are right too in wondering if they are using those movies stars for role models. One very notorious young lady for you to study is Britney Spears (link). But if you two know all that already, then this lookup won't help much either.
That Judge is right, and Illinois got tough in 1994. Almost as tough as California and Texas! For a quick rundown on the Three Strikes Law (habitual offender laws , click link here) check here. That judge could have sent her away the last time. It probably took a judge in a higher court to do that, she would have to be referred there.
Next time? There hadn't better be a next time!
So bite the bullet, have Gloria stay out of clubs and away from those friends, and see a good CRIMINAL LAWYER right away. Your state is not as lenient as Michigan. Remember the play and the movie, Chicago. There is no sympathy just because the convicted is a woman.
Ask your attorney first for legal advice, then ask about some professional counseling for understanding the world, married life, and marriage and behavior situations, for both of you.
And no, you don't wish you had married a plain girl. Just wish the one you did marry would get some sense! And help her.
As always, Ask Dr. Jim
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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Dear Dr. Jim
I met Ambre blogging and want to marry her, but we've never met face to face, and she is a little skittish about what her grown-up kids (and all those other bloggers!) might have to say about all this.
I know your background is in law, but it seems to me that, having lived 106 years, you probably know something about love and relationships, too. And how to deal with nosy bloggers. What course of action would you suggest for us?
signed... Mickie
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Well, Mickie, let me apologize for being so slow in answering your letter. I am truly sorry. Let us just say a lot of things happened.
My instincts say go for it, WITH CAUTION! Having said that, I did a little research and some soul searching from my experiences.
I did have a student who had been e-corresponding with a fellow for about six months and then wanted to meet and become engaged. They did. I have not had any contact with this (former) student since. I often wonder, was this guy OK, did they marry, or is her body still being eaten by the fishies in the sea.
So that was not much help, probably your hoped for fiance may be having similar worries about you. It is easier for her to cop-out and say that her kids and friends may not approve of you and the relationship than to tell you of her worries.
As I see it, your biggest job, and problem, is to get Andree to want to give you a chance. Then both of you could take it from there and proceed like a more conventional meeting which may lead to a relationship.
When I married Mrs. Jim my children were not asked by me and I don't think by Mrs. Jim (I did not ask her about this matter). I do believe the kids all liked Mrs. Jim a lot before the marriage. Why else would they all be so eager to participate in our wedding?
Not much research for you to show her. I did find these statistics: "17 percent of online daters--or nearly 3 million American adults--have turned online dates into a long-term relationship or marriage ... " according to Mark Penn's book Microtrends.
Also Ambre and you can read Trista Winnie's nice little article, Online Dating Can Lead To Marriage, in her Common Sense Blog. She discovered the above statistic by Penn. Then read the first few articles found in this Google search.
Although we are several generations apart, I basically agree with Trista, in that Online dating is now acceptable. From this belief I feel it is reasonable to presume that some of these relationships can lead to marriage.
OK, my common sense says to do these things:
1. Meet Ambre in person.
2. Don't push the marriage thing right now, just get to know each other personally.
3. Depending on your separation distance, do some dating. The distance will in part regulate how much dating.
4. Meet the kids. Try to establish some rapport with each other.
5. If things look good, mention marriage again.
6. I think you can handle it from here. Either one thing will lead to another or it may all fall apart. Time tells this thing, both of you must think there possibly is a future for the two of you with the kids.
You will notice I didn't give the bloggers the time of day. If you two get along, Ambre will just give a blog report of things and go on. The bloggers opinions will matter less and less to her.
I hope this helps a little, with Ambre and you.
Dr. Jim
One note here. If things don't work out, just go back to your blogging.
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
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Dear Dr. Jim
Sometimes I get so angry with my husband that I just want to rip his ears off?
Is this normal, or should I be worrying about something?
I hope you can help me here,
Donna in La La Land
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Well, Donna, you really hit a land mine here! Feelings like this when acted out can be disastrous. Do you know that is precisely what Jack the Ripper did with his victims before doing worse things to them (like killing them)?
Jack the Ripper would send the ears of his victims to the police after the commission of the crime. While the victim was bleeding profusely he would consummate his wrath, ultimately killing a poor innocent victim. Read this for a little more historical insight.
This is all the worse because your potential victim is the object of your wrath, your husband. And as they say, kill the first, the second is easier, and on and on.
What to do? Seek professional advice from your pastor. If you don't have one, look in the yellow pages under churches. Probably these will not help you as much as needed, but steer you to a competent professional who can.
Ordinarily I would suggest a divorce for you, but in your case I think you just might seek him out for ear ripping regardless of marital status.
So long, Donna, please don't become Donna the Ripper. I hope I have helped.
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
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