Lonesome Lady Needs Friends

Dear Dr. Jim 

This is a hard to describe problem.  In a nutshell, I am lonely.

I shouldn't be because I am married but my hubby is a "Stick in the Mud".  He doesn't like to go anyplace except to work and to the gas station to gas up our car.  He watches a lot of TV, even travel pictures but they haven't shown him any place he might want to go.

We don't have any friends or relatives to speak of, I have a few Facebook "friends".  But I don't really know any of them, just they wanted to befriend me.  "The Stick" doesn't even do that or want a computer at all.  I would die without mine. 

I hope you can help me, 

Lonesome Beverly in Scranton 

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Well, Lonesome Beverly, this is a sweet and sour write today. I feel like a Dr. Jim help note is needed here. Best for you is to associate with a group of widow ladies, hoping that some of them also like to dance. There are always some lady couples on the dance floor. 

Far out, and really works better for men is to try for being a professional dance escort aboard a line of cruise ships. Who knows, you might fit with someone who really cares for you. That second one is sort of on my standby bucket list, in case I am the survivor partner in our marriage. 

Before we moved to the west suburb of Houston there were a group of widow ladies who had made a waiting list for me. That probably isn't now, dissolved, although two of them have moved here also. 

A tidbit, I holed up for three years after a painful and expensive divorce (13 years married) I fortunately was surprised by my now wife at a landlady's monthly supper. My roommate and his then girlfriend convinced Mrs. Jim to wait for me as I had a class that night. One never knows, we have been married 49 years; she likes dancing more than I do though we are dancing.  

I still have one Janis Joplin CD sitting next to my Willie Nelson CD to use for practice to keep my dancing up.  So why not take as cruise, leave "Stick" home.   

Who knows, on your own, you might decide to ditch the "Stick" and get on your own. 

I hope this helps, 

Wannabe Cruise Ship Dancer (when I retire) 

Dr. Jim, Professor  

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous) 

D.J. P

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Wife knows she was right -- Husband thinks he is right

Dear Dr. Jim

Sometimes The Hub, my husband, is a clunce.  He  really pulled my string yesterday. 

I was telling him of a new title his favorite author had released. The title was "Murder in Monterey" and it seems he had already known of it. 

So I offered to pick up a copy for him in the afternoon when I was out.  He thanked me and told me that he would really enjoy reading of his favorite detective's  adventures in Alabama, as he himself had always wanted to visit there. 

When I said it was in Monterey,  Monterey California, he began arguing with me and saying he had seen a picture of the cover and it was Montgomery.  

I couldn't convince him that I was right and that has ruined our day. I even told him to his face that he was being a clunce.

Dr. Jim, if you could get him to see my side I'd really appreciate your efforts.   Thank you.

"Generally Right" in Torrance 

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Dear Ms. Right

Oh my goodness, Ms. Right,  of course you were right again here. That, though, should not have been the issue.

You are NAUGHTY. Naughty to The Hub. When The Man is wrong tell him so, nicely. But just once, then let it ride.

He'll find out when you get him the book and he reads for himself. Then, if you haven't pushed the issue too hard and if you don't keep rubbing it in, he MIGHT apologize.

Not a big deal so don't you make it one. That is my Dr. Jim advice for the moment.

BTW there may have been a name problem here unless you have made up a new word. Clunce.

That may be true, you were thinking of two names, Clutz and Dunce.  Each has its own meaning, G o o g l e them as you might then decide you didn't want to use either one.

BTW, I have a friend who invented a new word. I helped her to enter it into the online Urban Dictionary ( https://www.urbandictionary.com ).

Your word, 'Clunce', is not there as of now. You may wish to enter it with a definition of your choice.

I hope this helped.  If you think I was too hard on you here please forgive me. (But I think I WAS RIGHT this time.)

Dr. Jim in Fulshear/Katy

p.s. "Pulling ones string" generally has the illusion of pulling a leash,  such as a leash attached to a dog's collar.

"Pulling one's 'chain' on the other hand gets one riled up when the stopper is pulled out, as the water in a sink as it swirls going down into the drain.

Just saying, Dr. Jim


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Her feet hurt when wearing shoes

Dear Dr. Jim

I'm writing this in hopes that you can help me out. 

My feet are killing me!  Seems none of the shoes I ever can buy really fit me.  At least that is what my son tells me.

What can I do with this if the shoes don't seem to be helping my feet?

Ms. Tenderfoot in Basking Land

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Dear Ms. Tenderfoot

Your shoe story is great!  My uncle used to say that 'if the shoe didn't fit then don't wear it.'  That is the gist of your problem, I like that you've figured that much out!  Beware of your son's not-so-helpful advice.

My foot doctor has me wear athletic shoes all the time with an arch support, the green generic kind that sporting goods stores sell.  Mine are NIKE runing shoes.  My church and dress shoes are a pair of black walking shoes also fitted with arch supports.

Without the arch supports my feet get to hurting pretty fast.  You might like to try that with the arch supports.

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

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.
Advice from Dr. Jim (previously posted here) today:

You and your sweetheart go see a romantic movie tonight. It's okay to rent one although the popular Red Box may be running low by evening. There will be a run on the 'chick flicks'.

Do I mind my own advice?

No, Mrs. Jim and I will go to dinner and watch a dinner play.

This one is a mystery dinner theatre with audience participation.

I am hoping to can figure out whodunit (for "Who done [did] it?) before the play detective does!

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Health Tip Of The Week from the Mayo Clinic newsletter:

"Craving chocolate? Go dark

Dark chocolate can be high in calories, but it may be a good choice if you're craving something sweet. Flavanols in dark chocolate appear to reduce risk factors for heart disease. Choose dark chocolate with cocoa content of 65 percent or higher. Limit yourself to no more than 3 ounces (85 grams) a day, which is the amount shown in studies to be helpful. Cut calories in other areas or step up the exercise to compensate for the extra calories.

Need practical advice on diet and exercise? Want creative solutions for stress and other lifestyle issues? Try a daily dose of healthy lifestyle tips from MayoClinic.com. "

Today there isn't much blue in the world, at least I'm hoping. I did write a blue poem today. Sorry 'bout that. Once again, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

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So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

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TV football watching -- Wife wants to deprive husband

Dear Dr. Jim

I am asking you to give your opinion about a problem my husband has.

He loves to watch football on TV. That leaves me and the kids alone in the kitchen without any TV to watch.

Please tell him how selfish he is.

Thanking you, TV Deprived Woman, Gloriad in Garland, Texas

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Dear Texas Gloriad

This something I hear a lot.

But woman, what is the problem with you getting off your kitchen duff and joining your husband? Give him some company watching his games. If you learned more about football you might even get to like it.

I see so many families who let the little children take over the TV. This makes no sense at all to me. Father works hard to buy it, when he is around and there is something decent for him to watch by all means let him watch.

Family time can be around the TV but all should submit the remote to Dad.

Sorry about this one, I hope it helps you. Dr. Jim

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Mother asks: "How to get son out of the house and on his own?"

Dear Dr. Jim

My son lives with us and won't leave for a place of his own. He is thirty-two and I feel he should be on his own.

Dr. Jim, he has a good job and can certainly afford apartment rent and grocery money. He doesn't date so there is no marriage on the scene to get him out of here. And he doesn't like especially other men, if you know what I mean.

Can you tell me how to have him leave. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he is a nice fellow and we still love him as much as we did when he was a baby.

Frustrated Mom in Cincinnati

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Dear Mom

You have to have him leave for his own sake. He needs the experience of being on his own. If he is alone he will have more chance of doing some activity where he might meet a nice lady friend. As long as he is home you are already his friend so why should he take chances on another?

Ask yourself, is it the expense you want shed of or it is that you wish more privacy for yourself. If you are not married then you may need his company. Get a dog when he leaves. There are a lot of abandoned dogs up adoption now-a-days during our recession.

If it is only because of the expense, charge him rent for room and board. Make it a reasonable amount but there is no reason you should be supporting him as he has a job.

Also try to find out why he hasn't left. If he is timid or insecure then you can help him find a nice place and help him learn how to cook and keep house.

If he is stingy, try to find out why he doesn't spend his own money. It may be to 'save up' for a time when he gets married. Then work with him, perhaps offering him a wedding subsidy from the money you will save by not having to keep him.

Although there are many other aspects to consider, I would have liked to have known if you are married. If you are then perhaps your husband has some good thoughts about how to convince him to leave. How does your husband feel about his staying, you didn't say?

Regardless of this, I would recommend that he leave for his own sake. You won't live forever and he should learn to subsist on his own.

Lastly you could do some research in this area. Helium, a nice sounding guide for parenting, has an article called 'How to get your adult child out of the house' (link) which has some good ideas. Some are fairly consistant with my advice here.

I hope this helps, Dr. Jim

One added thought. GET THAT DOG RIGHT NOW. When he leaves you will have still have some company. Keep the dog in his room and he might even get the hint without you being brusk about it.

Dr. Jim


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)Submit question or comment in privacy now To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

How to drive in the fog is need of newly moved couple

Dear Dr. Jim

For the last several mornings I have woken to find I am the only person who exists in the world. I look out my window and there is nothing beyond my balcony but white. The harbor and the entire town are gone — completely devoured by the fog.

As beautiful as I make this sound, this fog is a terrible nuisance to say the least. Neither of us are used to driving in stuff like this, but we do have to go to work in the morning. Also we have to come home, sometimes after the fog has set in

Dr. Jim, what do you suggest we do? My husband is very macho and just goes out, turns on all the car lights he can (we do have fog lights on one of the cars) and heads out. He drives with one foot just above the brake pedal ready to stop. And he has one hand just above the horn, ready to warn anyone who might even look like he will get in our way.

That isn't my style, I am a timid driver. Some days I can't even pull out of the driveway, I am so afraid a car unseen might be coming along. Other days I just plain stop on the side of the road and cry.

This can't go on, please help us.

Scared Silly in Seattle

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Dear Mrs. SSS

I can help you with this like I have helped all the others.

First off, buy some polarized sun glasses. All you have to do is go to your favorite General Dollar Store. Do not buy the rather inferior $4.00 sun glass, instead get the more expensive six or eight buck ones.

More important however, is the fog adaptation conditioning situation. After a year or two you will fully accept the fog as as necessary and okay to live with coastal experience. I personally have put up with the fog now for 56 years here in the Gulf Coast area.

The biggest concern to you should be to drive defensively in the fog.
1. Always use your low beam headlights. Fog lights too if you have them.
2. Do not attempt to text while driving in the fog.
3. Be aware of other cars that may not have their lights on. It may not have seemed necessary a half mile back for them and now when they are in the fog they have neglected to turn those lights on.
[BEST JUST TURN THEM ON AND LEAVE THEM ON.]
4. Physically turn your head lights on as the regular daytime driving lights do not turn on your tail lights. PARKING LIGHTS ARE NOT SUFFICIENT.
5. Stay home until the fog burns away if possible.
6. Do not ride with anyone you do not trust. Even if they offer candy, liquor, or drugs.
7. Tune your radio to soft music if you can stand it. If that makes you nervous (it does me) tune in a classic rock station if you live close enough to civilization to pick up one of those stations.
8. Pay attention to what your husband tells you.
9. Do not talk back to your husband, he has both your interests at heart.
10. Try to get back home in the evenings before the fog sets in.

These are pretty good ideas for the both of you if your macho hubby will heed them. If he won't, at least you can set a good driver example.

It won't hurt you one bit to cry a little about the frustration. You do need to relieve your tension in some way. Crying and listening to music seem to help.

If you have found friends at your new home, call them on the phone. That gets your mind off the foggy stuff too. Warning, please don't text while driving in the fog. Save that for sunny days.

Hope this helps,
it should,
Dr. Jim


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Husband just wants a wife for a house and kid keeper

Dear Dr. Jim

I really hated to write to you but my husband says that I must. He thinks you can help me.

So here is my problem. I just hate to get out of bed in the morning.

Hubby gets up at 5:30 every morning and jumps in the shower. Then he makes himself some breakfast and reads the paper. At 8:30 he heads off to work. On weekends every thing is an hour earlier and then he goes with his buddies all day to play golf.

He wants me to get up with him. I can't see any reason why. All there is for me to do is house and garden work and take care of the kids. I do have a nice outside job in the afternoon.

Sleep Deprived Sally in South Minneapolisville

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Dear Sally

It sounds to me like you don't have a life. Let us figure out how you might get one and stay married. (That may be an oxymoron.) Your situation appears to be more than a sleep problem.

I hate to say it, but it appears that your hubby has done 'family organization' as so many men in this world do, so you aren't alone. Done like in 'done deal.' But you didn't seem to be dealing, rather you were probably passive in this arrangement.

He sees it like this:

His duties are his job, eat, play golf. In that order.

He wants you to do house work, keep the kids. You might be lucky here as a lot of men want cooking and attention for themselves from the wife as well.

Since he had you write to me, then he may be open to this idea. You two sit down and rearrange your whole lives.

Make a general written daily schedule and put time for each other in that.

Next rearrange the activities. He should be doing chores after work, and if he insists on getting up that early he has an hour and a half or so do do chores in the morning, the kind that don't wake the rest of the family up.

In the last half hour of his morning chore time you make breakfast for him, the kids, and you. The kids can eat with you sometimes, others they can eat and run. It is important that at breakfast he have your company rather than the paper. Please do remember those kids can share in the family chores too if they are not already doing this.

In the evening let him prepare meals every other day or so. Regardless of whose turn to make supper, have family time during the meal. I hope the kids will sit down then too but that may be expecting too much. AND NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD ARGUE AT MEAL TIME, save that for someplace else in your schedule.

Remember this is just a start, you two will have to work out more. If things like this seem to give new hope to everyone, keep working on it.

If you can't get anything changed the go see a marriage counselor. Be prepared for divorce, he really isn't married right now, he is just living there having a good life. You then may have to get a full time job but with alimony and child support you will have about two thirds of his paycheck to live on.

I hope this helps and that hubby will cooperate, and that you can start getting more sleep,

Dr. Jim

Some resource reading:

Family chore chart ideas

Cooking for men ideas

Revitalize the marriage ideas


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How to share the family computer -- husband out if now, not of his choosing

Dear Dr. Jim

I sure do need your help. My wife hogs the computer here, and if she lets it loose the kids grab hold.

We can't afford two so mostly I am in the lurch. Once in a while I call in sick so that I can get on the computer during the day.

Other times I throw a fit (it would be a tantrum if I were a kid) about it and they all feel guilty. So then I may get to use it a little until they settle down and start begging with me for THEIR computer.

I really am missing my computer games and visiting with my FaceBook friends.

Please help me, Dr. Jim,

Andy in Andersonville, Arkansas

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Dear Andy (really AAA, huh?)

Well now, you have gotten yourself into a mess, haven't you.

Really now, we could see this coming since you are all bound to just the one computer. Unfortunately you have drawn the short straw and are pretty much left out of the rotation.

Our solution is to get you back into the rotation. You must call a family conference and ANNOUNCE that you also need some prime time computer time.

It would help if Mrs. Andy will support you in this. You can ANNOUNCE to her as well but things will go a lot easier for all if she approves ahead of time.

Here is what you do:

1. Divide the evening hours that you all have into 30-minute segments on a piece of paper. Keep in mind that some of the children may have earlier bed times than others and than you adults.

2. Have everyone write their preferences in time for all the slots, from one (1) to as many as you have in common.

3. Start at square number one and write the names of those who want this early time. Mrs. Andy may not want these early ones if she is going to prepare supper. THIS MAY BE THE TIME WHEN YOU SHARE--FROM HERE ON--IN THE PREPARATION OF MEALS to give her some prime time for reading her e-mails and the like.

4. In a hat, place the name token (that you have made for each) for those desiring this time. If possible let someone who has not wanted this time to draw. The name drawn will get the time.

5. Leave the name just drawn out and put in anyone else whose token is not in from the last drawing. Remove any one's who does not want this time. Let a person who is not in the hat draw. The person who won the last drawing would be good for this.

6. Repeat the process until all slots have names assigned. Easy way to do this, cross out everyone except the winner where they first wrote. You could have a fresh schedule but this leads to problems of one's word against the other about mistakes.

7. Put the all the name tokens back into the hat when it becomes empty. Watch that the distribution of times is equal until the kids start going to bed.

8. Repeat steps 5, 6, and 7 for all the days of the week. Weekends may be on hold until everyone's weekend schedule of activities is firmed up.

Some notes:

It will be obvious that the ones with later bedtimes get more time. Make sure that those with early bed times get their share until they go to bed.

You might want to start a family kitty for another computer. Put in everyone's spare change or a portion of it. Add an assessment of a portion of jobs and allowances, sort of like an income tax. You could have a lawn sale or do all sorts of things to get money.

I did not mention the kid's homework. Give compensation time for when they are not in the drawing because of homework. If some of the homework is to be done on the computer a priority can be had for this. You should watch over to keep them honest (part of their family training) to be doing only homework.

You and Mrs. Andy can each stop in briefly at the library if you pass near one so that you can get e-mail. You probably won't have time to answer, this can be done in your computing time.

A lot of people are doing the previously mentioned e-mail checking at computers at their work. Most firms don't care if privileges are not abused as this activity on company time and resources improves moral.

Hope this has helped you out of your problem, it really was/is a family problem.

Dr. Jim

A Colombo: I purposely referenced the AAA in my greeting because my idea for the solution to the computer time situation is similar to the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) approach to problem drinking.

And you, staying home from work just to play and use the computer. Talk about addictions, you need to think about this one. Dr. Jim

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How to get rid the summer blahs -- Pooped All the Time has a bad case!

Dear Dr. Jim

Oh my, I have just had it. The seven kids cry all day long, my hubby hollers all time, and I cry even more than the kids. This has been going on ever since school got out this spring.

Dr. Jim, I really need your help, I just don't know how to get things straightened out.

Do you think I should run away when everyone is sleeping?

Pooped All the Time, in Cairo, Georgia

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Dear PAT

It sounds to me like you have a very severe case of the summer blahs.

What to do about it?

Running away might be the best for you. You'd be outa' here! Just don't look back, don't call, and move over to Alabama. There even if they find you they can't make you come back and they can't make you pay child support or give back the car and the money and all the stuff you take with you.

But what about the kids? I don't mean for you to take them, only half of your troubles would go away. It sounds like your hubby has a worse case of the summer blahs than you do.

No, what about the kids? Does Hubby holler at them too or just you?

If it is just you he hollers at I would have him seek professional help. The doc/shrink may want you to come too, most do. Then if that doesn't help him, ditch him. Be sure you can get the kids or their life will be miserable left there with that old coot.

If he hollers at the kids too, still he should try the help. If you run away, take the kids with you for their protection. I think they will stop crying over there in Alabama, it is a nice place. Except for their football teams, they play dirty pool (football) and are real bad.

What ever you do, the kids will need professional help as well. I'd say they will be much happier once you are happy but make sure a professional makes that decision.

Get a job over there in Alabama. Here (click, Alabama bad cafes) are some cafes you might want to stay away from in Alabama, eating or working.

A fresh surround is the best for you, with or without the old man.

Hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

Note: I picked Alabama to turn to because it is close, cheap, friendly, and is a fairly safe haven from the law. You are also close to Florida but they aren't cheap at all, their football teams also stink, and their law is archaic and favors men over women.

I like Dothan, Alabama for a medium sized town, Headland for a very friendly small one-horse town.

Doc Jim


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Hubby doesn't want to go shopping with his wife -- says wife expects to much of him

Dear Dr. Jim

My wife has unreal expectations from me. I love her company but just listen to this little vignette.

She wants me to go with her shopping for her some new clothes. It isn't the clothes or spending money I object to, but she always does this to me. She drags me along to every little store and several malls.

My feet are wearing out just thinking of all that walking. We go and go and go. I would say an easy five miles in just this one day.

And Dr. Jim, all the ladies trying on those little clothes and dresses look at me like I am a vagrant come in to ogle.

Besides that, this is the time this year for the U.S. Men's Clay Court Championships Matches. I hate to miss even a one of those.

So please can you help me, Please, Please, Please

I.M.P. in Toulouse, NH

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Well Mr. P, I can't feel very sorry for you. You should be grateful your BW (best wife) wants you to go shopping with you. Mine hardly ever invites me.

When she does, I always take plenty of reading material and my lap top. When my feet get tired, I find a bench outside (in your cold and snow, you might have to be inside), sit and read.
When I get tired of reading, I blog. I just love it that we have the Internet free all over the area. That was our first economic stimulus.

You shouldn't waste your time watching tennis. Besides most tennis fans (not the players) develop arthritis of the neck with all that twisting to see from side to side. Even the TV watcher fans get that.

Oh well, there probably isn't much help with you, but give her a break and be a nice little husband once in a while. It might do your marriage good, you can talk in the car and if she will sit with you on the bench, help things still more.

I hope this helps one of you, Dr. Jim

Note: I really don't mind being with and looking at all those women either. I get lots of smiles, winks, and pats. Dr. Jim


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Will the grand kids like his singing -- He is apprehensive

Dear Dr. Jim

Gotta tell you a story Dr. Jim.

In my younger years I was always preparing to sing in the hollow of his hand for at least one of my three sons and two daughters prior to there leaving on LDS missions.

Well one by one each one of them declined my invitation to sing. They are all grown but now I have seven grands probably to turn me down to sing at their farewells one by one.

The first leaves in Ten years, how do I get one of them to let me sing????

Please help here, Dr. Jim.

Worried in the Free U.S.A, Anon

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Dear Anon

This is a good question. A lot of people have similar situations, perhaps not in their singing but in other areas where their children and grand kids lose appreciation for their elders.

Just get another grand kid and catch him/her very young. Probably they don't realize anything is wrong until they age a little and get more experienced with singin'.

Other than that, there is no hope. My relatives, young and old have no love for my singing. They even all laugh when I sing the 'Happy Birthday Song" to them.

I might add this bit, just smile like I do and they will love you for what you are and how you try (yes, your singing as well).

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

P.S. Mr. Anon, if you meant to not have this posted here please let me know, use the confidential comment link below. And if you did not, please forgive me. Dr. Jim


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Hubby wants to wait until the last minute to buy when things get to be a bargain -- Here the Christmas tree

Dear Dr. Jim

Oh gosh, its Christmas time and here we go again.

My husband always waits until Christmas Eve or sometimes even Christmas Day to get our Christmas tree.

He gets the bargain ones that will go to the beach the next day to help slow down the erosion.

We don't have time to enjoy it before Christmas and sometimes there isn't time to decorate it properly. If you could get him to buy it now we could at least have a couple of days.

Please rush me the answer, he said he would go by your answer just this one day.

Thank you Dr. Jim, I know you will come through,

Santa's Elf # 2,981,001, a Little Miffed in the deep North

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Dear # 2,981,001 Miff

Okay, lets do this one up right and fast. After all it is Christmas time and your scenario is being repeated hundreds of thousands of time all over the country.

Normally I would have a few terrible solutions to your situation but this year let's do it right just this one time. (Meaning I won't go into stubbornness, procrastination, cheapskate-likeness, marital bickering, etc.)

Here is it: WATCH THE SALE ADS ON ARTIFICIAL TREES. OFTEN THEY ARE EVEN BEFORE CHRISTMAS DAY. BUY ONE FOR HALF PRICE OR LESS. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL AFTER CHRISTMAS IT WILL BE FOR JUST THIS ONE TIME AND WELL WORTH IT. TRUST ME.

Now for the good news. Next year you can take this artificial tree out any time you are ready. Your hubby might even get to like seeing it out so pretty and all earlier.

We do that at our house. Mrs. Jim gets it out whenever she is ready. Of course I get roped into helping her with the lights and assembly. She isn't an aerospace engineer like I was for a lot of my working life.

Mrs. Jim can also take it down when she is ready. I am now divorced from the whole procedure except for a little work at setup, take-down, and storage times. Oh yes, I help her when a string of lights go out but what the hey. That's being married and loved. (Read my comment on lights if you want to here a short cut I took this year.)

I know this helps, yours, Dr. Jim

p.s. I do suspect this goes on for other things, the waiting for sales. A lot of this is fine, it just depends on how badly the item is needed earlier. You guys can work that out after seeing how the Christmas tree thing works. Dr. Jim



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Fiancé likes to kiss Santa -- she really frustrates her mate with those kisses

Dear Dr. Jim

I hate to tell you this for fear that someone I know may recognize me. But I have no place else to turn.

My fiancé insists up on kissing Santa at the Malls.

I've tried everything with her, even try to tell her that they are paid guys, not the real Santa. These guys get their pay for sitting there to entice the little children into telling their Christmas wishes within the hearing range of their parents.

Even when it is an outlandish gift they want Santa to bring, kids will spill the beans to Santa. They would be afraid the parents would ridicule them, chastise them, or other ilks of this sort.

So how do I get her to stop kissing that guy. I don't like it, it may ruin our marriage to become.

Embarrassed Samuel in Ohio

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Dear Samuel

Have a heart. Your fiancé is only finishing out her youthful fantasises.

I would guess that when she was small Santa snubbed her or she was deprived of seeing him. She has to work this out of her system.

Then too, she may still believe deep in her heart that this is the real Santa just getting around all over like he does on Christmas night. It is simply magic the way he operates.

You could help her to grow up.

First, change your name to 'Sam'. Samuel is a child's name who still acts like a little boy. Change it to Sam and YOU grow up.

Then listen to what she has to say to Santa. Talk to her afterwards about her wishes if she has voiced them to him. She may not tell him anything, she may really like to kiss him. Then talk her concerning her feelings towards Santa. Some big girls and grown women do think he is cute.

I myself get pats and kisses from strangers, women, mostly because of my beard and my handsome looks. Sometimes they ask me if they should know me. Most times they are thinking of a movie star, sometimes an attorney or politician they have seen on TV.

If a thing like this bothers you so much as to be reason for you to back out of getting married I cringe. Then you for sure are not ready to get married and should not get married. Period.

One other thing, are you jealous of these guys getting kisses from your fiancé? If so, then again you are not ready for marriage. Kissing Santa is like kissing Dad. Does it bother you when she kisses her father? Think about this for a while.

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

A tidbit here. I believed in Santa until I was ready to enter high school. The Christmas of my eighth grade when sitting beside Santa (I was to heavy for his lap by then) Santa himself let me know who he really was.

He asked me how I like playing down at his pond across the road from our farm, where the creek runs through both farms. I was flabbergasted but later it got me to thinking. I am sure he was not the real Santa now because of that incident.

Dr. Jim





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Husband doesn't like wife to be out

Dear Dr. Jim

I've been having some problems with my wife. She goes out and I can't even get her to tell me where she has been.

Do you think I can put an electronic tracker on her? The cops do it with parolees.

If I could, where would I buy such a thing?

I thank you in advance, it is getting harder and harder to keep her from getting out again.

Hot Guy from Minnesota

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Well, Mr. Hot Guy. I don't think you're so hot. Not if you are keeping your wife captive.

Forget it, let her go.

I will warn you that if you are found keeping her 'prisoner' in your home you are liable for a long time prison term yourself, IN THE SLAMMER.

I can't help you any further here, it is beyond my ability and competence as an attorney.

But I will tell you this, let her go and see an attorney, FAST.

Dr. Jim



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How often should he change his underwear (he won't change them)

Dear Dr. Jim

Houston, we have a problem.

My husband won't change his underwear. He says he will change it, when it gets embarrassing sized holes.

For sure I want him to have nice looking underwear, how can I get him to change?

Clean Lady in Utah

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Dear Clean Lady

Oh my goodness, at first I misunderstood you. I thought that hubby was wearing his underwear even when it got dirty until he wore holes in it.

Now I see, you want him to change out his underwear before it gets to looking to bad.

I doubt he has changed his habits much since you married him, so you will just have to live with him the way he is. STOP TRYING TO CHANGE HIM. He won't and he will resent you for working on him like you do.

If you want to blame someone you can blame his mother. He probably never changed his underwear out. Or changed it for clean for that matter. I was that way.

Mom would get my used underwear whether dirty or not each night after I went to bed. She would lay out clean underwear for me to put on the next morning along with my other clean clothes. I just thought that was something moms did.

And she would buy me new underwear before it ever got holes in it. Even when we were dirt poor.

When I left home I remember her telling me to be sure not to wear holey underwear just in case I would get into an accident and have to go to the hospital.

Hospitals seem to like nice looking underwear so I came to understand, and to this day if I am driving I put on good underwear. I wear the holey ones around the house and when doing yard work, etc.

Now for you. Buy him new underwear. My estimate is that it should be changed every year to have it looking nice. Just take his old underwear and put in new.

For years Mrs. Jim did that for me. Until we retired, now it is up to me. I must say I don't always put fresh on each morning and some of them have really bad holes. And that is the price you will keep on paying unless you take matters into your own hands.

I hope this helped.

Dr. Jim

Here are some references for you on changing out underwear, wearing clean underway every day, and holey underwear.



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Wants to train dog her dog not to howl -- dog disrupts family sleeping habits

Dear Dr. Jim

My question:
So, how did you get to be 106 years old, so soon?

But really:
I have a rescue Siberian husky/German shepherd/wolf-in-the-woodpile mix. He ululates every morning about 5:23am to go for an iditerod.

I've had the dog about 9 months, and have grown very attached to him, but this behavior gets me up every morning. It's interfering with my already pathetic love life.

Whatever should I do about it (the dog howling, not my love life)? Please don't say get rid of the dog or my male companion. I'm fond of them both, pretty much equally.

Tired in Oregon

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Dear Tired

Oh dear! Houston, we have a problem. No not with my age. For that take my age, multiply it times 70, add 25, divide by 33 and subtract 12. Then divide by 2.5 and multiply by two and subtract 20. That will be approximately 106.

Now with the sleeping problem. Go to bed earlier, the doggie will howl earlier, let him outside for a bit (put your robe on if it is cold weather), then you all go back to bed and sleep until your regular time.

Dogs can be trained not to howl. Our dog, Adi, only howls on demand or if she is ready for ice cream and beddy-bye late at night.

This is what DogTrainingClassroom.com has to say about breaking the Siberian Husky of howling:

"Your dog may make noise as its way of communication to you when he is lonely or bored. Your dog may howl to seek attention from you. However excessive howling can irritate therefore, training your dog not to howl or make noise is of utmost importance. There are a few simple solutions to solve this problem:

• For the first few days, try to ignore your dog when he/she goes into a howling fit for no apparent reason as any attention will reinforce the behavior. Praise your dog when he becomes quiet.
• Do use a squirt gun to spray water on your dog if excessive howling persists. This is to disrupt its behavior and your dog will associate howling as an unpleasant experience.
• Do praise and reward your dog immediately after it stops making noises and not ten minutes after. Your dog will not understand the reason for the discipline.
• Do use an anti bark collar for further training whenever you are not around and your dog is not fully train yet so as to be thoughtful to thy neighbors."
  http://www.dogtrainingclassroom.com/siberian-husky-training.html at the bottom.
  

I hope this helps. Above all, do not get rid of the mate or the dog!

But hurry and stop the dog from ululating or the mate might get rid of you both. Or get you both trained to get up with him every morning. You could read the newspaper, ours has come by then.

You might even train him to bring you the paper for you.

Thank you for your confidence, Dr. Jim

[We do have a new (to us) toy poodle who will take a running socks from my shoes if I leave them laying on the floor. It looks like she'll be training me to put them away in the dirty clothes basket.]

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Sue just wants to be hairy (armpits) -- Husband opposed

Dear Dr. Jim

It just isn't fair! Why do women have to shave their armpits.

Didn't God make us with hair there before he allowed man to create the razor?

Please help me, Dr. Jim.

My husband insists that I would be a smelly woman if I didn't shave and has even threatened to sleep in another room. He says I would be disgusting and not sexy at all!

Wanna be Hairy Sue in Ardmore

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Dear Hairy Sue (Did you know that rhymes with Mary Sue?)

This is a very delicate situation that we are in here. I would like to see your armpits shaved and unshaven, I think that would help us a lot here.

But since we won't be able to do that, let's try the next best thing.

Ask you husband if the TWO OF YOU could have a trial run at this.

Both of you will have to work at this. If just one of you gives in it could lead to the downfall of your marriage.

Marriage is a 50-50 proposition, or pretty close to it, at least it should be. If one spouse just arbitrarily gives in that could set a precedence for losing control of ones self. None of us wants that to happen, these issues often lead to divorce.

Now, lets look at the hair armpit thing. Just a lot of European women do not shave under their armpits. Both the ladies and their menfolk think it is sexy.

Granted the body odor takes on a strong scent, but it is more like an animal aroma, one who is in the hunt for sex. Or who has been having sex lately and is ready for some more. People become very accustomed to this and some say it even enhances their love lives.

These were a couple of links I found with Google. What I found mainly was not conclusive at all. Be careful if you go there because some are distasteful to say the least about them.

One article not referred suggested that when the razor was invented shaven women were promoted as being sexier in order to promote razor sales to a new market.

A couple of references which are OK and to our point:
YouTube on Hairy Armpits (has pretty girl, seems sexy)
Paris Hilton is purported to be bringing hairy armpits back (link)

Hope this helps, I think I would like my wife to try not shaving but she won't.

Dr. Jim

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Addendum: September 25, 2008.

After further consideration I am telling Ms. Hairy Sue to go for all or nothing. If the hubby doesn't like it then he should hit the road. Period. You see, a woman's body is hers alone (and with God, of course--Romans 12) to do with it what she pleases.

Why do I say this? Roe vs. Wade gives all women in this grand United States that right, the right of privacy! The opinion was geared to right for a woman to choose to have an abortion but will equally apply to growing hair under her armpits if she wishes.

You might ask, "why should she be so harsh with the old man?" The answer is that making him sleep elsewhere was his idea, he would win. He presented Ms. Hairy with an either/or ultimatum. That doesn't go, she should do what she wants.

I hope this helps even more, Dr. Jim

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Eating ice cream gives her headaches -- my explanation and remedy?

Dear Dr. Jim

I have a question that isn't too terribly important. But it did seem you needed someone to write in with one. Besides I get a lot of humiliation from my husband about this item.

It seems that I get headaches easily whenever I eat ice cream.

My husband is no help at all, he usually says, "Dummy, don't take such big bites."

Like I use the big spoon or something. Humph!

Susan Aspirin Eater Not By Choice in Hoeboeken

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Well, Susan (oh you Dummy, you ),

Thank you for your write-in generosity. You have given me a Lulu.

First, ice cream is much colder than ice. Our bodies were made to handle ice nicely as many times the Indians and other savages had to drink out of frozen streams in the winter. Also eating snow is a part of our natural constitutionality.

So, eating that cold ice cream is not of the norm as ice cream is not found in nature. Therefore it overwhelms our natural ability to cope with temperatures ingested; it is out of range, low.

FYI, nominal ice cream temperature is 23°F. That temperature rapidly shrinks the sinuses of most humans so much that it is painful.

Another side effect of eating ice cream is sinus infections. Not because the ice cream is cold, but because of all the ingredients of commercially made ice cream.
........Typical bad ingredients found in ice cream:
"In the following paragraph we present you a list of the most damaging ice-cream ingredients: amyl acetate, amyl butyrate, amyl valerate, benzyl isobutyrate, butyric acid, benzyl acetate, anysil formate, cinnamyl isobutyrate, cinnamyl valerate, diacetyl, dipropil ketone, ethyl acetate, ethyl amyl ketone, cognac essential oil, ethyl heptanoate, ethyl butyrate, ethyl nitrate, ethyl cinnamate, ethyl propionate, ethyl valerate, heliotropin, a-ionone, isobutyl anthranilate, isobutyl butyrate, lemon methyl heptine carbonate, methyl salicylate, mint essential oil, neryl isobutyrate, orris butter, rose, run ether, vanillin and solvents." (source, Enzine@Articles)

That ought to scare hubby off ice cream, you don't eat it because it's too cold, he doesn't eat it now because of all the harmful additives.

Homemade ice cream is good for you, it contains only what you put into it. I WOULD NOT PUT RAW EGGS IN HOMEMADE ICE CREAM. Raw eggs are a cause of some terrible sicknesses.

Hope this helped,

Dr. Jim

If you make some homemade, can I lick the dasher?



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Learning how to ride a bicycle

Dear Dr. Jim

This is almost embarrassing, but here goes with my problem!

I am a grown lady, somewhere between ages 35 and 70. Doggone it all to Heck, but I have forgotten how to ride a bicycle. My grandkids want me to ride with them and I just plain have forgotten how.

Can you give me help on learning how to ride a bicycle, please!

Very frustrated Little Biker-chick Lady


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Dear L' Biker-chick Lady

This is certainly exceedingly bad, especially in your case with the grandkids.

I hope this will help you some, let's think about a few ways for you to relearn this precious skill.

How old are your grandkids? I ask because if they are almost teenagers or older they very well may have taught some younger one how to ride. Of course if they don't know of your dilemma this would be embarrassing for you to ask.

When in doubt, it is always a safe bet to ask your preacher if you have one. I DID DETECT SOME ALMOST CUSSING IN YOUR LETTER, this may not be an option for you. Those guys are asked to help all the time in ways you could not even imagine. And if they themselves haven't taught riding, they can find another clergy who could.

Go to the library and check out a book on Learning to Ride a Bicycle. THE LATE BLOOMER’S REVOLUTION: A MEMOIR, By Amy Cohen, Hyperion, 288 pages, $23.95 is great. Try Amazon.com or your favorite bookseller if you want to buy it. Read a review here. See, you aren't alone in this predicament.

Here is a device to help you learn. (link to video) You install it on your bike's front wheels. Made mostly to help teach kids but it works for all, it sells for about $39.95.

I have probably given you something helpful here. Generally it comes naturally after you learn--and instinct takes over really soon--to turn into the way the bike wants to tip.

Have your bandaids and Iodine ready. Bye for now, your frustrations will soon be over.

Please give me some feed back on this,

Dr. Jim



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