Saturday, July 2, 2016

Lady has concern for the way men are looking

Dear Dr. Jim

I am concerned for the men in the The Millennials - Gen Next and of the upcoming Generation Z as to the way they wear their pants.  The picture I am sending you shows what I think they should be looking like.
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Please help me out with this,
 Concerned Pristina in Old Waveyland   
 
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Dear Pristina
 
Your parents aptly named you.  Only one better that I can think of would be Victoria.  Are you British? 
 
After looking again at your picture and the type of men you portray, it seems that you could fit into their world very nicely.  Its source is  obviously a red neck country magazine, I change my mind.  It should be Minnie Mae.
 
I have counseled with women on many occasions, even speaking on the subject at times.  Here is my stock "short" answer to your concern:
 
"Since there aren't any men taking issue here, I will speak on "baggy" pants for men.
Most women are envious of the men's 'tight and muscular' butt, still enjoy looking to their heart's content.
Most men like freedom, freedom from tight and binding pants. "Baggy" is the ultimate in freedom. We dress for the moment."
 
I feel that you have more interest in your basal desires than for the comfort of men.  If you could overcome this you would be a lot closer to becoming a women who "fits into society."
 
Hope this helps ~~ Thanks as always for asking, Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

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Friday, March 20, 2015

"California Girl" needs help answering her flower question

Dear Dr. Jim

I have this pretty flower growing 'wild' beside my driveway.  I looked it up in my plant book and found it to be a 'Lupine'. 


My friend from Texas told me that this was all wrong, that is a Texas Bluebonnet. 

Dr. Jim, since you are from Texas I thought I would let you decide for us what my flower really is.

Thank you for helping,
California Girl

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Dear California Girl

It's soooo pretty, C Girl.  For sure it is a keeper.  I would have called it one of OUR Texas Bluebonnets also.

But it can't be because you live in California So I asked "Yahoo answers" if there was a difference (link). They satisfied me with this answer:
"Best Answer: The Texas Bluebonnet is Lupinus texensis, so it is a type of Lupine. The species is native to Texas. (There are actually several species of bluebonnet, but L. texensis is generally "the" Texas Bluebonnet). "


Which means yours probably is NOT a Texas Bluebonnet but rather it is another species of Lupines.

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

Oh yes, I am not 'from' Texas, I am 'from' Nebraska.  But I got here, to Texas, as fast as I could.  And now I have lived here for years and years, more years probably than you have lived. 

And BTW, collect some seeds from it as you will need to reseed this plant every year. ~~ Thanks as always for asking, Dr. Jim

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Sunday, December 16, 2012

Wanted: Gift Suggestions for Shade Tree Mechanics

Dear Dr. Jim

I am writing you for some suggestions for Christmas and birthday presents.

What I have in mind would be items that shade tree mechanics might be needing to keep the family car in good shape.

They fix my car too, Ima Goode, Indiana resident

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Dear Ima,

There are over ten thousand nice items in various auto parts stores and catalogs.  I would recommend without blushing NAPA Auto Parts stores.  There probably is one near you, we have three close by located in three different towns in three directions from our home.

You can do mail order or shop on line from most of these companies as well.  NAPA provides me with a calendar every year.  Check these of mine (link).

What to buy?

1.  Shop around at the stores

2.  Go on the Internet

3.  Try from this list I got from eMail.  They may laugh at the idea of some too  (I won't vouch for every item on this list):

"Automotive Gift Suggestions... Just in Time for Last Minute Christmas Shopping!

If you have an "automotive minded" person in your life, these gift suggestions should be considered.

1. Tire Air Change Kit. This kit comes with everything you need to change the air in your tires. This highly recommended but often overlooked maintenance item is much easier now. Remember to change your air every 3000 miles or twice a year. $25

2. Blinker Fluid. You knew it existed but, WOW, is this stuff hard to find. 4oz bottle. $12

3. Synthetic Blinker Fluid. Better yet! 4oz bottle. $24

4. Light Bulb Filaments. Why throw away a perfectly good turn signal or stop light bulb when you can just install a new filament? Premium Filaments, made in the USA! $1 each.

5. Manifold Heat. Yes, your exhaust manifold should be HOT. If it's not, you may need this item. Sold by the pound. $3.50

6. Steering Wheel Gaskets. All SIZES available! Email for specific application. From $9.99

7. Tie Rod Tensioner. Is your tie rod limp? Tension it with T-50! $14.99

8. Alternator Batteries. (4 required, replace them all!) From $2.99

9. Fan Belt Buckles. Specify brass or chrome. Gold available special order. $14.99

10. Muffler Bearing Manual. Print version $59.95

11. Muffler Bearing Manual. CD version $49.99

12. Universal Muffler Bearing Tool Kit $105.59

13. Muffler Bearing Hi Temp Synthetic Lube (the only kind we sell!) $40.24

14. Muffler Bearings From $19.95

15. Muffler Bearing Gasket Kits From $9.99

16. Momentum (required for tackling some off road obstacles). Sold by the lb-ft/sec $0.50

17. Microsoft Windows Eliminator. If your car or truck begins to run poorly, (long time to start, frequent crashes, etc.), it's computer, (ecm, ecu, black box, etc.), may have become infected with this nasty computer virus. This product will safely remove the virus. $199

18. Mirror Image Flipper Film. Did you know that the image you see in your rear view mirrors are reversed! This is a manufacturing flaw that the auto companies have kept secret for years as the recall would cost BILLIONS! This film can be cut and placed over any mirror to correct the image. Now you'll be able to read signs in the rear view mirror! $5 per square ft."


Some of our readers may have suggestions of their own too.  Caveat, I will not vouch or check donated suggestions out.  As with all donated and Internet help, I would ask your regular certified mechanic about all suggestions, even mine.

Ima, I hope this helps,
as usual, Dr. JIM

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Her feet hurt when wearing shoes

Dear Dr. Jim

I'm writing this in hopes that you can help me out. 

My feet are killing me!  Seems none of the shoes I ever can buy really fit me.  At least that is what my son tells me.

What can I do with this if the shoes don't seem to be helping my feet?

Ms. Tenderfoot in Basking Land

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Dear Ms. Tenderfoot

Your shoe story is great!  My uncle used to say that 'if the shoe didn't fit then don't wear it.'  That is the gist of your problem, I like that you've figured that much out!  Beware of your son's not-so-helpful advice.

My foot doctor has me wear athletic shoes all the time with an arch support, the green generic kind that sporting goods stores sell.  Mine are NIKE runing shoes.  My church and dress shoes are a pair of black walking shoes also fitted with arch supports.

Without the arch supports my feet get to hurting pretty fast.  You might like to try that with the arch supports.

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

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Friday, June 22, 2012


Click on a picture to make it larger.
Click your 'Back' button to return here.
Dear Dr. Jim
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I am having a BIG problem. When I peel boiled eggs big hunks of the whites come off with the shells. Obviously if I peel them I want the resulting bare egg to look nice. This doesn't happen and I wind up with ugly deviled eggs.
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If you could help me I would really appreciate it. People tease me when I bring a dish having hard boiled eggs to church.
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I'm watching for your answer,
Boiled Billie of Baxter, Wyoming
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Dear B'd Billie 
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Mrs. Jim was having this problem just a few days ago. Here is our account: 
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"Mrs. Jim asked my why her four hard boiled eggs weren't peeling good when the rest of them all peeled so good two days before.
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Jim to the resuce. "They are cold, sweetheart. Warm the shells and they will peel fine."
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No sooner said than done. VoilĂ !—problem solved (pronounced "vwallah"). She ran the other three eggs in their shells under our hot water faucet and they all peeled fine.
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Was this a coincidence? Try it yourself next time you are having trouble. Warm eggs just peel easier than cold ones, take it from Dr. Jim."
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So what do you say?

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

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Monday, June 11, 2012

Finding a companion helps

Dear Dr. Jim

I am writing to you in hopes of finding myself a companion.  For six years now I have been seeing this doldrums older man.  Now I have realized that there is no hope for a lasting and God blessed relationship to develop from any more of living like this.

I am thirty-seven years old, female, and a Christian with blue eyes and blond hair.  My height is five foot five inches and I weigh 115 pounds.  I graduated in my high school in the top ten percent of my class and have attended college a year and a half studying English for a major.

I am sending you my picture but please do not post it on the Internet with this letter.

Thank you, Dr. Jim.  I hope very much that you can help me.

Bea (for Beatrice) in Butlerville, Nebraska

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Dear Ms. Bea

As you have been reading my posts of the past you will not find any matchmaking posts.  I do not wish to start finding people dates now or ever.  Your picture is fine but please don't go passing it around.  Looks alone doesn't go much beyond opening a door.

However I will try to give you a few hints.  First off, yes by all means ditch the old man.  That may be hard as you two have been knowing each other for several years now.  But after that time if he had thought very much of you he would have asked for your hand in marriage. 

That is the gentleman thing to do and you haven't mentioned that this has happened.  After a proposal then it is up to you as to what will follow.  Marriage I recommend as it helps cement this relationship by giving it a sense of permanency.

So assuming you two split, then consider yourself 'in the market' for a new companion.  Where to look?  My mother always told me that I would not find a nice girl in a bar.  Per her recommendation I suggest that you not let yourself be found in a bar.  For a Christian to be found in a bar it will always make you feel a little ashamed and demeaning to yourself.  Heaven only knows what the fellow will be thinking.

I would recommend that you find a church with a nice singles program and start visiting church and its activities frequently.  If they don't suit you look for another.

Another thing to do is to enroll in a college class at night.  It wouldn't hurt to finish your degree if you still want this training.  Or you could explore fields of study by taking the corresponding introductory classes.  If it fits your plan, then choose areas of study where there will be at least as many men in class as women, or more.

I always told my students to get a dog if their landlord would allow.  While it might be forward or hard because of timidness for someone to walk up and chat with one of the other sex there really aren't many problems with admiring a dog.  Of course he has to chit chat with you, the owner, about the pet as the pet can't return your comments in conversation. 

After a few times of this meeting with the pet it will be time for one of you to ask for a meeting in a different setting.  Like a coffee shop or a cozy, not-too-fancy, restaurant.  Or go to church or visit your class if the prof would concur.

It wouldn't have to be exactly like this but you get the drift.  Meet and get acquainted.  Then evaluate each other in light of each of your objectives and goals for a mate.  Who knows?  If love steps in then this will all come more naturally.  But give it a chance.

Amazon.com has self help dating books, as does your library.  Find one that seems to fit your situation. Amazon has these, and see if your library does: 
Dating for thirties (three titles); Dating for middle age (thirty-five titles, one works because I know some one who used one of these techniques).  Also Google can help try asking your librarian.

Hope this helped a little,  Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

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Thursday, February 16, 2012

Reader will soon be 70 and wants to drown himself!

Dear Dr. Jim

About a dear reader, Mr. Buzzy Munso, drowning himself in a sea of 7-UP.

That was all because of him going to have his 70th birthday.

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♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday Dear Mr. Munso,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you.♪♪

I agree, the 70th BDay is pee-poor!
On my 70th I was going to run away. Well I did, but I ended up running with Mrs. Jim and Karen to NYC. Not literally running but Karen did run the NYC Marathon that year. She invited Mrs. and me to come with her. Otherwise I would have gone by myself.

Same for the 75th, it is worse. Again I was going to run away but Mrs. Jim wanted me to go with her to the WorstFest in NewBraunfels, TX, so WE did that instead. I blogged about it which I think you read.

But the nastiest BDay of all is 78. I was like you, really down. No parties, no one comes near, and the like! That is the age when you SOUND OLD! 68 SOUNDS OLD too, but 78 IS OLD!

So for your sake, SHOULD I hope you never make it to be that old? Or SHOULD I be praying for you that you will make it?

Love you, Mr. Buzzy! <3 You do fine!


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)
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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

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Advice from Dr. Jim (previously posted here) today:

You and your sweetheart go see a romantic movie tonight. It's okay to rent one although the popular Red Box may be running low by evening. There will be a run on the 'chick flicks'.

Do I mind my own advice?

No, Mrs. Jim and I will go to dinner and watch a dinner play.


This one is a mystery dinner theatre with audience participation.

I am hoping to can figure out whodunit (for "Who done [did] it?) before the play detective does!

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Health Tip Of The Week from the Mayo Clinic newsletter:

"Craving chocolate? Go dark

Dark chocolate can be high in calories, but it may be a good choice if you're craving something sweet. Flavanols in dark chocolate appear to reduce risk factors for heart disease. Choose dark chocolate with cocoa content of 65 percent or higher. Limit yourself to no more than 3 ounces (85 grams) a day, which is the amount shown in studies to be helpful. Cut calories in other areas or step up the exercise to compensate for the extra calories.

Need practical advice on diet and exercise? Want creative solutions for stress and other lifestyle issues? Try a daily dose of healthy lifestyle tips from
MayoClinic.com. "
Today there isn't much blue in the world, at least I'm hoping. I did write a blue poem today. Sorry 'bout that. Once again, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

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So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)
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Sunday, January 1, 2012

TV football watching -- Wife wants to deprive husband

Dear Dr. Jim

I am asking you to give your opinion about a problem my husband has.

He loves to watch football on TV. That leaves me and the kids alone in the kitchen without any TV to watch.

Please tell him how selfish he is.

Thanking you, TV Deprived Woman, Gloriad in Garland, Texas

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Dear Texas Gloriad

This something I hear a lot.

But woman, what is the problem with you getting off your kitchen duff and joining your husband? Give him some company watching his games. If you learned more about football you might even get to like it.

I see so many families who let the little children take over the TV. This makes no sense at all to me. Father works hard to buy it, when he is around and there is something decent for him to watch by all means let him watch.

Family time can be around the TV but all should submit the remote to Dad.

Sorry about this one, I hope it helps you. Dr. Jim

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Monday, October 31, 2011

Husband has a belittling job says wife

Dear Dr. Jim

I am at odds about my used-to-be retired husband, Mr. Tom. He taken a job at a discount department store.

Really I don't care if he works to make extra money or to get out of the house for a break.

The trouble with this job is that it is beneath his education and qualifications. Mr. Tom has a bachelors degree in chemical engineering and has worked 47 years with a major petroleum company.

Mr. Tom isn't doing engineering. He is greeting customers and handing them basket carts. His favorite task is checking in the articles that the customers bring in for a refund or exchange.

One customer actually spit on Mr. Tom when he tried to put a yellow 'return' sticker on his new wrist watch.

This job of his is very humiliating for me. My friends tease me about the minimum wage job he has and also some call him a "cart pusher" at the XYZ store. Several of them now avoid me and look the other way if we pass on the street.

I cannot change his mind.

Helpless Mrs. Tom in a small town

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Dear Mrs. Tom
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I hate it that you are feeling helpless. I have several very rich friends who are taking minimum wage jobs. Those are fairly plentiful for the older retired men. Ladies' jobs are harder to find.
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Most likely Mr. Tom resents your needling him which I believe that you are doing to him. It is too bad that your friends are acting their snobbish ways.
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My recommendation for you is that you stop asking him to quit and get yourself some activities. They needn't be wage earning for pay.
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Volunteers are needed in the schools, nursing homes, senior citizen residences, restaurants, and in churches among many other places.
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If you were to busy yourself in an outside activity then you would meet new friends from other walks of life and social status. Many of them would admire your husband's fortitude in taking a simple job which keeps him busy and enables him to meet and help many needing people.
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I hope this helps, Dr. Jim
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An aside. I have several friends with more unique type jobs. One works at a golf course as a starter or a marshall. He enjoys this job very much.
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Another works at funerals. The mortuaries don't want too many people on the permanent employee payroll due to the high price of benefits. If you husband has declined the XYZ benefits then part time won't be a problem.
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Just sayin', Dr. Jim
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So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

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Monday, June 20, 2011

Husband wants to get a kitten as a gift for his wife

Dear Dr. Jim

I am considering getting my wife a kitten for our first anniversary.

Do you think this is an appropriate gift? She has been begging for us to get a kitty-cat.

I'd like a Calico Cat but I think she wants a jet black Halloween Scaredy Cat.

Other than for the selection bit I think we will both be happy with this. I might just get one and surprise her.

Thinking I'm a Cat Lover,
Gavin in Piccolos

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Dear Wanna Be Cat Loven' Gavin

Hi Gavin. This is a very appropriate question that I've been asked several times now. My suggestion to you is to give her something that YOU BOTH WANT at the moment. Here, her love for animals (I assume you are certain she wants a kitty cat) may not last for your entire marriage.

I do hope that you can find a nice cat and that your bride will love it dearly. I hope she still loves you dearly too. Caveat here, do this before the honeymoon is over! Your timing is perfect!

On the selection, I'd give her a gift certificate for the amount of a cat and care items from a reputable pet store. If you might find another source, or a free cat, you can always use the gift certificate for food and supplies for a year or so.

Remember, "Free cats don't stay free for very long." That is my rule, as you will have bigger vet and food bills than the cost of a cat in a very short while.

We've been married for 38 years now. Mrs. Jim's Rule # 109:
If it dies or leaves home it won't be replaced and it can't come back. THAT INCLUDES ME!

Does her rule work? Since she made it a dog and a cat have died and weren't replaced. We gave the goldfish away and it cant' come back and won't be replaced.
Since her rule went into effect the only new (to us) animals are:
1) Adi, our beagle--she was our daughter's dog and her new apartment wouldn't let her have beagles;
2) Katrin, our toy poodle--she was willed to us by a dying friend. The friend actually changed her will to say this. With big tears, she asked Mrs. Jim, "You won't give Katrin away, will you?" We've had one real good chance to give Katrin away to one of our kids but Mrs. Jim remembered her promise(s).
3) Amber, our cat--she was our daughter's cat but was too old to move with them to London.
4) Every one of the kids has stayed with us for from two weeks to six month's. Our favorite plea was "Don't worry about where I will live. I can sleep in my car." He only stayed about a month.


About caring for your new cat:

If she hasn't had a kitten before and especially if neighbor of you have, I would suggest a book, Kittens for Dummies, to help you guys with day-to-day care and loving tips. Right now it is selling for $11.55 at Amazon.com (link).


We use 'clumping' kitty litter and really like it. All the pee collects into a lump about the size of a fritter. Cleaning the box is so easy then, just use a filter-bottomed little sand shovel and lift them out along with the poops.

I hope this helps you a lot,
Dr. Jim
..

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

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Thursday, February 10, 2011

Reader doesn't trust coin dealers

Dear Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim, I have a problem. I have this little suitcase, slightly larger than your ordinary carry-on bag, full of old coins.

My concern is that I don't know where to turn now that I want to redeem them. I just don't trust the coin dealers I have found.

Most of them seem pretty shady, their ads look like an open bid for larceny.

Please, please, Dr. Jim, tell me what to do. I am sure that my coins are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Suspicious in Toronto, Jack

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Dear SiT Jack

I had to laugh a little at your name, Jack. Like you are a "sitting duck," only a "SiTting Jack," for those nasty coin dealers!

Well Jack, I don't blame you for being suspicious. An awfully lot of them will rip you blind. They will underpay you every time. What you want is one who will be a collector for them and who will PAY YOU RETAIL VALUE.

This is the big rip-off in the coin business. You buy high at RETAIL and sell low at WHOLESALE. Then the dealer makes his huge profit, more than half of that rightfully and ethically should be your gain, not his!

The obvious way to change this scenario is to deal with a lady. Then it would now be a 'he' who is ripping you, rather a 'she.' But believe me, those women are even more crafty than the men! They get you coming and going.

So if I were you, I would just keep them. If you need the money and if they really are worth the hundreds of thousands like you think, go to an honest bank (is that an oxymoron ??) and TAKE A LOAN using them as collateral. The bank will want to keep the coins as they do when they give loans on jewelery.

This way you will have your money and spend it too. When you can't repay your loan then go into default. I promise you that you will make more off a deal like this than going to a coin dealer who will rip you off.

Most times the only way to do better is to find an honest and ethical coin dealer. These are hard to find but there are some. Unfortunately I can't figure out how to tell one. They are all wearing sheep's clothing as they say.

Jack, I do hope that I have helped you some.

Dr. Jim


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)Submit question or comment in privacy now To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Husband drinks directly from the serving bottle

Dear Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim, I have a problem. I hope you can help me with it.

My husband drinks from the milk bottle! Don't you think this is totally disgusting? I sure do.

I think really he was doing this before we were married but didn't' do it at first whenever I was watching him. At least his sister said he did.

Again, please help me.

Sterile Lady Agnes in Raleigh

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Dear Agnes

Well Ms. Sterile, I hate to burst your bubble but I have found that most men do this. They also take sips from the wine bottle before putting it in the frig. And some men just go to the refrigerator for a drink that way (
like this guy).

One thing you might should agree on is to not drink out of a bottle that will be served to guests not a part of the family. This is for sanitary reasons. But within the family germs are passed around willy-nilly anyway.

You might also tell him in a nice way how it bothers you. That you hadn't seen people doing this before and maybe, would he not do it for your sake. If my wife did ask me to stop like that I probably would.

Perhaps our some of our readers might have ideas on this subject that would help you. Or make you feel better about him doing it.

I hope I have helped some,

Dr. Jim

A gentleman never drinks beer from a bottle at a restaurant, I might add as an etiquette tip (
link, see slide # 10). Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)
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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Mother asks: "How to get son out of the house and on his own?"

Dear Dr. Jim

My son lives with us and won't leave for a place of his own. He is thirty-two and I feel he should be on his own.

Dr. Jim, he has a good job and can certainly afford apartment rent and grocery money. He doesn't date so there is no marriage on the scene to get him out of here. And he doesn't like especially other men, if you know what I mean.

Can you tell me how to have him leave. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he is a nice fellow and we still love him as much as we did when he was a baby.

Frustrated Mom in Cincinnati

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Dear Mom

You have to have him leave for his own sake. He needs the experience of being on his own. If he is alone he will have more chance of doing some activity where he might meet a nice lady friend. As long as he is home you are already his friend so why should he take chances on another?

Ask yourself, is it the expense you want shed of or it is that you wish more privacy for yourself. If you are not married then you may need his company. Get a dog when he leaves. There are a lot of abandoned dogs up adoption now-a-days during our recession.

If it is only because of the expense, charge him rent for room and board. Make it a reasonable amount but there is no reason you should be supporting him as he has a job.

Also try to find out why he hasn't left. If he is timid or insecure then you can help him find a nice place and help him learn how to cook and keep house.

If he is stingy, try to find out why he doesn't spend his own money. It may be to 'save up' for a time when he gets married. Then work with him, perhaps offering him a wedding subsidy from the money you will save by not having to keep him.

Although there are many other aspects to consider, I would have liked to have known if you are married. If you are then perhaps your husband has some good thoughts about how to convince him to leave. How does your husband feel about his staying, you didn't say?

Regardless of this, I would recommend that he leave for his own sake. You won't live forever and he should learn to subsist on his own.

Lastly you could do some research in this area. Helium, a nice sounding guide for parenting, has an article called 'How to get your adult child out of the house' (link) which has some good ideas. Some are fairly consistant with my advice here.

I hope this helps, Dr. Jim

One added thought. GET THAT DOG RIGHT NOW. When he leaves you will have still have some company. Keep the dog in his room and he might even get the hint without you being brusk about it.


Dr. Jim


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)Submit question or comment in privacy now To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Why can't our dog do as it pleases? Reader wants to know

Dear Dr. Jim

I have a beef. Our subdivision is now requiring all dogs to be on a leash whenever they are off our own property.

Can they enforce this? My doggie, Fuffo, likes to do as he pleases.

Dogs should be free advocate, Muffie in Redland.

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Dear Muffie

Your question has a simple answer, no. NO.

They only way this could be enforced is if your deed restrictions give the subdivision leaders the authority to do this.

All you have to do is show them that you moved there for the freedom of your dog. And that you have read the deed restrictions which are silent (are you sure they are silent?) about freedom of dogs. And that the deed restrictions don't give them authority to control your dogs.

Then tell them you will sue if they continue to harass you about poor little Fuffo.

Notwithstanding all the above, the county or city will have authority to regulate the conduct of all your dogs off your private property.

Incidentally, I am a dog lover myself. We have a beagle, Adi our hound dog, and a toy poodle named Katrin (she's French). They are basically free but for their own protection we always use a leash when walking them.

I hope this helps you and Fuffo,

Dr. Jim

Read about Adi, our hound dog beagle, here.
Read about Katrin, our French toy poodle, here.


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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

How to find a lost person -- smitten Ed wants to know


Dear Dr. Jim

I hope I haven't done anything wrong. Yesterday I befriended a lady on the elevator. She was a strange lady to me as I did not know her.

She was also strange in that there was an attraction which I could not account for.

I will call her Ms. Xy. Ms. Xy was acting a little bothered with a worried look on her face. I asked her if she were new in the city. She answered that she was and that was exactly her problem.

Houston, she said, does not have the mass transit she was used to in her city. She had come to our excellent medical center and now after being assured she was in good health she felt all alone with a bunch of cowboys and rednecks. Even the ladies spoke in a crass manner.

Wow, I thought, this is a bag of worms. There is nothing I could help here.

So I didn't try. Instead I asked her if she had visited our Montrose area. She had not been aware of this place so I suggested we visit there a little. We ended up at the Backstreet Cafe for some coffee and pastry.

We both proceeded to enjoy an afternoon of diversion in this trendy area away from the rest of Cowboy City. That evening I dropped her off at the airport and that was the last we saw each other.

This all sounds okay, but the problem is that I have lost her address and e-mail info. I believe it was in the trash I threw out when I cleaned up the car before going into the drugstore that day.

Our arrangement was for me to contact Ms. Xy giving her my address, etc. So all is lost unless you have some ideas.

Smitten by good, then the bad, Ed

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Dear Ed

I do empathize with you. This indeed is a sad predicament as I can can tell you were almost to the point of infatuation with Ms. Xy. Even more so sad if there were two sided, mutual, feelings.

My first bit of advice is to not sit still. Try all of the ideas I am suggesting and be sure to weigh some that readers may suggest. Be careful if you have some ideas of your own. Try sounding them with a confidant before you do anything rash. You don't want to ruin everything.

First, Google her name. You would be overjoyed to see that she comes up on Facebook, MySpace, or has a blog. Often times Google will present a name, phone number, and address.

Next enter her name in Yahoo People search (link). Then try the White Pages (link). Both of these are free although White Pages has a hangup on wanting you to join. I joined but did not furnish my profile. That seems to have ended the hangups. Hopefully she will be trying these ideas herself.

Be thinking of organizations she belongs to, like a church or sorority, or her employer. If you can remember any of these contact them and ask them to leave a message from you to her. Ask her to contact you, explaining with a little fib that you had her phone number (or e-mail) wrong.

Do not ask to speak to her right off as they may get wrong ideas. Better, in the case she might be married or the like, mail her at the work or school, etc, address pleading your case and asking for her numbers again. Or to call you if that would be appropriate.

As a last resort, if you know who her doctor was, ask that they mail your note to her. Be sure to explain everything so they will know that your motives are pure. Under the Privacy Act they cannot give you any information about her.

I hope this helps. Please come here regularly to see readers' ideas as some are pretty good.

Dr. Jim.



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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

How to drive in the fog is need of newly moved couple


Dear Dr. Jim

For the last several mornings I have woken to find I am the only person who exists in the world. I look out my window and there is nothing beyond my balcony but white. The harbor and the entire town are gone — completely devoured by the fog.

As beautiful as I make this sound, this fog is a terrible nuisance to say the least. Neither of us are used to driving in stuff like this, but we do have to go to work in the morning. Also we have to come home, sometimes after the fog has set in

Dr. Jim, what do you suggest we do? My husband is very macho and just goes out, turns on all the car lights he can (we do have fog lights on one of the cars) and heads out. He drives with one foot just above the brake pedal ready to stop. And he has one hand just above the horn, ready to warn anyone who might even look like he will get in our way.

That isn't my style, I am a timid driver. Some days I can't even pull out of the driveway, I am so afraid a car unseen might be coming along. Other days I just plain stop on the side of the road and cry.

This can't go on, please help us.

Scared Silly in Seattle

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Dear Mrs. SSS

I can help you with this like I have helped all the others.

First off, buy some polarized sun glasses. All you have to do is go to your favorite General Dollar Store. Do not buy the rather inferior $4.00 sun glass, instead get the more expensive six or eight buck ones.

More important however, is the fog adaptation conditioning situation. After a year or two you will fully accept the fog as as necessary and okay to live with coastal experience. I personally have put up with the fog now for 56 years here in the Gulf Coast area.

The biggest concern to you should be to drive defensively in the fog.
1. Always use your low beam headlights. Fog lights too if you have them.
2. Do not attempt to text while driving in the fog.
3. Be aware of other cars that may not have their lights on. It may not have seemed necessary a half mile back for them and now when they are in the fog they have neglected to turn those lights on.
[BEST JUST TURN THEM ON AND LEAVE THEM ON.]
4. Physically turn your head lights on as the regular daytime driving lights do not turn on your tail lights. PARKING LIGHTS ARE NOT SUFFICIENT.
5. Stay home until the fog burns away if possible.
6. Do not ride with anyone you do not trust. Even if they offer candy, liquor, or drugs.
7. Tune your radio to soft music if you can stand it. If that makes you nervous (it does me) tune in a classic rock station if you live close enough to civilization to pick up one of those stations.
8. Pay attention to what your husband tells you.
9. Do not talk back to your husband, he has both your interests at heart.
10. Try to get back home in the evenings before the fog sets in.

These are pretty good ideas for the both of you if your macho hubby will heed them. If he won't, at least you can set a good driver example.

It won't hurt you one bit to cry a little about the frustration. You do need to relieve your tension in some way. Crying and listening to music seem to help.

If you have found friends at your new home, call them on the phone. That gets your mind off the foggy stuff too. Warning, please don't text while driving in the fog. Save that for sunny days.

Hope this helps,
it should,
Dr. Jim


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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Overeating man can't control his eating or his car


Dear Dr. Jim

I am having trouble with my car. Could it have a mind of its own?

Every time I pass by a MacDonald's it wants to turn in. Several times it has done that on its own, just drove in and parked.

Most of the time this happens I don't know in advance until we are in the lot, parked.

When I do realize in time to avoid that place the steering wheel often pulls beyond my strength. Then, once more I am parked in the lot.

I could drive back out but I just don't have the will power to do that. So I go in and have a couple of cheeseburgers, fries, and a drink. Most times I finish with a hot fudge sundae since they are on the dollar menu right now.

Please help me, Dr. Jim. I am gaining weight. Things are out of control.

Happy Meal Hank in Freesburg, Virginia

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Dear H M Hank

This is one of those rare occasions where I cannot possibly believe what I am reading. A grown man, I assume, taken over by his car. A machine at that. Machines will not rule.

Having said that, most times I would trash a letter like yours.

However I sense a problem here. It is a genuine call for help. Help for an over-eater.

Please do not delay, but call your local OverEaters Anonymous as soon as possible.

Do not pass go but please pass the MacDonald's. I feel you are stopping at other fast foods as well even though your favorite may be MacDonald's.

Please read about Overeaters Anonymous on their Web site (link). When you are ready click on the top in the header, the "find a meeting" button.

I found twelve meeting locations within 25 miles of my home. They were meeting every day of the week! Even Saturday mornings. At the bottom, in red are these words, "You do NOT have to register to ATTEND any OA meeting."

I hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

And please do take advantage of these Overeating Anonymous people!

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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Friday, August 14, 2009

Husband just wants a wife for a house and kid keeper


Dear Dr. Jim

I really hated to write to you but my husband says that I must. He thinks you can help me.

So here is my problem. I just hate to get out of bed in the morning.

Hubby gets up at 5:30 every morning and jumps in the shower. Then he makes himself some breakfast and reads the paper. At 8:30 he heads off to work. On weekends every thing is an hour earlier and then he goes with his buddies all day to play golf.

He wants me to get up with him. I can't see any reason why. All there is for me to do is house and garden work and take care of the kids. I do have a nice outside job in the afternoon.

Sleep Deprived Sally in South Minneapolisville

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Dear Sally

It sounds to me like you don't have a life. Let us figure out how you might get one and stay married. (That may be an oxymoron.) Your situation appears to be more than a sleep problem.

I hate to say it, but it appears that your hubby has done 'family organization' as so many men in this world do, so you aren't alone. Done like in 'done deal.' But you didn't seem to be dealing, rather you were probably passive in this arrangement.

He sees it like this:

His duties are his job, eat, play golf. In that order.

He wants you to do house work, keep the kids. You might be lucky here as a lot of men want cooking and attention for themselves from the wife as well.

Since he had you write to me, then he may be open to this idea. You two sit down and rearrange your whole lives.

Make a general written daily schedule and put time for each other in that.

Next rearrange the activities. He should be doing chores after work, and if he insists on getting up that early he has an hour and a half or so do do chores in the morning, the kind that don't wake the rest of the family up.

In the last half hour of his morning chore time you make breakfast for him, the kids, and you. The kids can eat with you sometimes, others they can eat and run. It is important that at breakfast he have your company rather than the paper. Please do remember those kids can share in the family chores too if they are not already doing this.

In the evening let him prepare meals every other day or so. Regardless of whose turn to make supper, have family time during the meal. I hope the kids will sit down then too but that may be expecting too much. AND NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD ARGUE AT MEAL TIME, save that for someplace else in your schedule.

Remember this is just a start, you two will have to work out more. If things like this seem to give new hope to everyone, keep working on it.

If you can't get anything changed the go see a marriage counselor. Be prepared for divorce, he really isn't married right now, he is just living there having a good life. You then may have to get a full time job but with alimony and child support you will have about two thirds of his paycheck to live on.

I hope this helps and that hubby will cooperate, and that you can start getting more sleep,

Dr. Jim

Some resource reading:
Family chore chart ideas
Cooking for men ideas
Revitalize the marriage ideas


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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Thursday, July 9, 2009

How to share the family computer -- husband out if now, not of his choosing


Dear Dr. Jim

I sure do need your help. My wife hogs the computer here, and if she lets it loose the kids grab hold.

We can't afford two so mostly I am in the lurch. Once in a while I call in sick so that I can get on the computer during the day.

Other times I throw a fit (it would be a tantrum if I were a kid) about it and they all feel guilty. So then I may get to use it a little until they settle down and start begging with me for THEIR computer.

I really am missing my computer games and visiting with my FaceBook friends.

Please help me, Dr. Jim,

Andy in Andersonville, Arkansas

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Dear Andy (really AAA, huh?)

Well now, you have gotten yourself into a mess, haven't you.

Really now, we could see this coming since you are all bound to just the one computer. Unfortunately you have drawn the short straw and are pretty much left out of the rotation.

Our solution is to get you back into the rotation. You must call a family conference and ANNOUNCE that you also need some prime time computer time.

It would help if Mrs. Andy will support you in this. You can ANNOUNCE to her as well but things will go a lot easier for all if she approves ahead of time.

Here is what you do:

1. Divide the evening hours that you all have into 30-minute segments on a piece of paper. Keep in mind that some of the children may have earlier bed times than others and than you adults.

2. Have everyone write their preferences in time for all the slots, from one (1) to as many as you have in common.

3. Start at square number one and write the names of those who want this early time. Mrs. Andy may not want these early ones if she is going to prepare supper. THIS MAY BE THE TIME WHEN YOU SHARE--FROM HERE ON--IN THE PREPARATION OF MEALS to give her some prime time for reading her e-mails and the like.

4. In a hat, place the name token (that you have made for each) for those desiring this time. If possible let someone who has not wanted this time to draw. The name drawn will get the time.

5. Leave the name just drawn out and put in anyone else whose token is not in from the last drawing. Remove any one's who does not want this time. Let a person who is not in the hat draw. The person who won the last drawing would be good for this.

6. Repeat the process until all slots have names assigned. Easy way to do this, cross out everyone except the winner where they first wrote. You could have a fresh schedule but this leads to problems of one's word against the other about mistakes.

7. Put the all the name tokens back into the hat when it becomes empty. Watch that the distribution of times is equal until the kids start going to bed.

8. Repeat steps 5, 6, and 7 for all the days of the week. Weekends may be on hold until everyone's weekend schedule of activities is firmed up.

Some notes:
It will be obvious that the ones with later bedtimes get more time. Make sure that those with early bed times get their share until they go to bed.

You might want to start a family kitty for another computer. Put in everyone's spare change or a portion of it. Add an assessment of a portion of jobs and allowances, sort of like an income tax. You could have a lawn sale or do all sorts of things to get money.

I did not mention the kid's homework. Give compensation time for when they are not in the drawing because of homework. If some of the homework is to be done on the computer a priority can be had for this. You should watch over to keep them honest (part of their family training) to be doing only homework.

You and Mrs. Andy can each stop in briefly at the library if you pass near one so that you can get e-mail. You probably won't have time to answer, this can be done in your computing time.

A lot of people are doing the previously mentioned e-mail checking at computers at their work. Most firms don't care if privileges are not abused as this activity on company time and resources improves moral.

Hope this has helped you out of your problem, it really was/is a family problem.

Dr. Jim

A Colombo: I purposely referenced the AAA in my greeting because my idea for the solution to the computer time situation is similar to the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) approach to problem drinking.

And you, staying home from work just to play and use the computer. Talk about addictions, you need to think about this one. Dr. Jim







So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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