Overeating man can't control his eating or his car

Dear Dr. Jim

I am having trouble with my car. Could it have a mind of its own?

Every time I pass by a MacDonald's it wants to turn in. Several times it has done that on its own, just drove in and parked.

Most of the time this happens I don't know in advance until we are in the lot, parked.

When I do realize in time to avoid that place the steering wheel often pulls beyond my strength. Then, once more I am parked in the lot.

I could drive back out but I just don't have the will power to do that. So I go in and have a couple of cheeseburgers, fries, and a drink. Most times I finish with a hot fudge sundae since they are on the dollar menu right now.

Please help me, Dr. Jim. I am gaining weight. Things are out of control.

Happy Meal Hank in Freesburg, Virginia

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Dear H M Hank

This is one of those rare occasions where I cannot possibly believe what I am reading. A grown man, I assume, taken over by his car. A machine at that. Machines will not rule.

Having said that, most times I would trash a letter like yours.

However I sense a problem here. It is a genuine call for help. Help for an over-eater.

Please do not delay, but call your local OverEaters Anonymous as soon as possible.

Do not pass go but please pass the MacDonald's. I feel you are stopping at other fast foods as well even though your favorite may be MacDonald's.

Please read about Overeaters Anonymous on their Web site (link). When you are ready click on the top in the header, the "find a meeting" button.

I found twelve meeting locations within 25 miles of my home. They were meeting every day of the week! Even Saturday mornings. At the bottom, in red are these words, "You do NOT have to register to ATTEND any OA meeting."

I hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

And please do take advantage of these Overeating Anonymous people!

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Husband just wants a wife for a house and kid keeper

Dear Dr. Jim

I really hated to write to you but my husband says that I must. He thinks you can help me.

So here is my problem. I just hate to get out of bed in the morning.

Hubby gets up at 5:30 every morning and jumps in the shower. Then he makes himself some breakfast and reads the paper. At 8:30 he heads off to work. On weekends every thing is an hour earlier and then he goes with his buddies all day to play golf.

He wants me to get up with him. I can't see any reason why. All there is for me to do is house and garden work and take care of the kids. I do have a nice outside job in the afternoon.

Sleep Deprived Sally in South Minneapolisville

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Dear Sally

It sounds to me like you don't have a life. Let us figure out how you might get one and stay married. (That may be an oxymoron.) Your situation appears to be more than a sleep problem.

I hate to say it, but it appears that your hubby has done 'family organization' as so many men in this world do, so you aren't alone. Done like in 'done deal.' But you didn't seem to be dealing, rather you were probably passive in this arrangement.

He sees it like this:

His duties are his job, eat, play golf. In that order.

He wants you to do house work, keep the kids. You might be lucky here as a lot of men want cooking and attention for themselves from the wife as well.

Since he had you write to me, then he may be open to this idea. You two sit down and rearrange your whole lives.

Make a general written daily schedule and put time for each other in that.

Next rearrange the activities. He should be doing chores after work, and if he insists on getting up that early he has an hour and a half or so do do chores in the morning, the kind that don't wake the rest of the family up.

In the last half hour of his morning chore time you make breakfast for him, the kids, and you. The kids can eat with you sometimes, others they can eat and run. It is important that at breakfast he have your company rather than the paper. Please do remember those kids can share in the family chores too if they are not already doing this.

In the evening let him prepare meals every other day or so. Regardless of whose turn to make supper, have family time during the meal. I hope the kids will sit down then too but that may be expecting too much. AND NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD ARGUE AT MEAL TIME, save that for someplace else in your schedule.

Remember this is just a start, you two will have to work out more. If things like this seem to give new hope to everyone, keep working on it.

If you can't get anything changed the go see a marriage counselor. Be prepared for divorce, he really isn't married right now, he is just living there having a good life. You then may have to get a full time job but with alimony and child support you will have about two thirds of his paycheck to live on.

I hope this helps and that hubby will cooperate, and that you can start getting more sleep,

Dr. Jim

Some resource reading:

Family chore chart ideas

Cooking for men ideas

Revitalize the marriage ideas


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How to share the family computer -- husband out if now, not of his choosing

Dear Dr. Jim

I sure do need your help. My wife hogs the computer here, and if she lets it loose the kids grab hold.

We can't afford two so mostly I am in the lurch. Once in a while I call in sick so that I can get on the computer during the day.

Other times I throw a fit (it would be a tantrum if I were a kid) about it and they all feel guilty. So then I may get to use it a little until they settle down and start begging with me for THEIR computer.

I really am missing my computer games and visiting with my FaceBook friends.

Please help me, Dr. Jim,

Andy in Andersonville, Arkansas

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Dear Andy (really AAA, huh?)

Well now, you have gotten yourself into a mess, haven't you.

Really now, we could see this coming since you are all bound to just the one computer. Unfortunately you have drawn the short straw and are pretty much left out of the rotation.

Our solution is to get you back into the rotation. You must call a family conference and ANNOUNCE that you also need some prime time computer time.

It would help if Mrs. Andy will support you in this. You can ANNOUNCE to her as well but things will go a lot easier for all if she approves ahead of time.

Here is what you do:

1. Divide the evening hours that you all have into 30-minute segments on a piece of paper. Keep in mind that some of the children may have earlier bed times than others and than you adults.

2. Have everyone write their preferences in time for all the slots, from one (1) to as many as you have in common.

3. Start at square number one and write the names of those who want this early time. Mrs. Andy may not want these early ones if she is going to prepare supper. THIS MAY BE THE TIME WHEN YOU SHARE--FROM HERE ON--IN THE PREPARATION OF MEALS to give her some prime time for reading her e-mails and the like.

4. In a hat, place the name token (that you have made for each) for those desiring this time. If possible let someone who has not wanted this time to draw. The name drawn will get the time.

5. Leave the name just drawn out and put in anyone else whose token is not in from the last drawing. Remove any one's who does not want this time. Let a person who is not in the hat draw. The person who won the last drawing would be good for this.

6. Repeat the process until all slots have names assigned. Easy way to do this, cross out everyone except the winner where they first wrote. You could have a fresh schedule but this leads to problems of one's word against the other about mistakes.

7. Put the all the name tokens back into the hat when it becomes empty. Watch that the distribution of times is equal until the kids start going to bed.

8. Repeat steps 5, 6, and 7 for all the days of the week. Weekends may be on hold until everyone's weekend schedule of activities is firmed up.

Some notes:

It will be obvious that the ones with later bedtimes get more time. Make sure that those with early bed times get their share until they go to bed.

You might want to start a family kitty for another computer. Put in everyone's spare change or a portion of it. Add an assessment of a portion of jobs and allowances, sort of like an income tax. You could have a lawn sale or do all sorts of things to get money.

I did not mention the kid's homework. Give compensation time for when they are not in the drawing because of homework. If some of the homework is to be done on the computer a priority can be had for this. You should watch over to keep them honest (part of their family training) to be doing only homework.

You and Mrs. Andy can each stop in briefly at the library if you pass near one so that you can get e-mail. You probably won't have time to answer, this can be done in your computing time.

A lot of people are doing the previously mentioned e-mail checking at computers at their work. Most firms don't care if privileges are not abused as this activity on company time and resources improves moral.

Hope this has helped you out of your problem, it really was/is a family problem.

Dr. Jim

A Colombo: I purposely referenced the AAA in my greeting because my idea for the solution to the computer time situation is similar to the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) approach to problem drinking.

And you, staying home from work just to play and use the computer. Talk about addictions, you need to think about this one. Dr. Jim

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How to get rid the summer blahs -- Pooped All the Time has a bad case!

Dear Dr. Jim

Oh my, I have just had it. The seven kids cry all day long, my hubby hollers all time, and I cry even more than the kids. This has been going on ever since school got out this spring.

Dr. Jim, I really need your help, I just don't know how to get things straightened out.

Do you think I should run away when everyone is sleeping?

Pooped All the Time, in Cairo, Georgia

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Dear PAT

It sounds to me like you have a very severe case of the summer blahs.

What to do about it?

Running away might be the best for you. You'd be outa' here! Just don't look back, don't call, and move over to Alabama. There even if they find you they can't make you come back and they can't make you pay child support or give back the car and the money and all the stuff you take with you.

But what about the kids? I don't mean for you to take them, only half of your troubles would go away. It sounds like your hubby has a worse case of the summer blahs than you do.

No, what about the kids? Does Hubby holler at them too or just you?

If it is just you he hollers at I would have him seek professional help. The doc/shrink may want you to come too, most do. Then if that doesn't help him, ditch him. Be sure you can get the kids or their life will be miserable left there with that old coot.

If he hollers at the kids too, still he should try the help. If you run away, take the kids with you for their protection. I think they will stop crying over there in Alabama, it is a nice place. Except for their football teams, they play dirty pool (football) and are real bad.

What ever you do, the kids will need professional help as well. I'd say they will be much happier once you are happy but make sure a professional makes that decision.

Get a job over there in Alabama. Here (click, Alabama bad cafes) are some cafes you might want to stay away from in Alabama, eating or working.

A fresh surround is the best for you, with or without the old man.

Hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

Note: I picked Alabama to turn to because it is close, cheap, friendly, and is a fairly safe haven from the law. You are also close to Florida but they aren't cheap at all, their football teams also stink, and their law is archaic and favors men over women.

I like Dothan, Alabama for a medium sized town, Headland for a very friendly small one-horse town.

Doc Jim


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Hank needs help, he can't see (going blind)

Dear Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim, I am having lots of problems. I am getting so I can't see to drive anymore. I live alone and just can't make it to the grocery store, especially at night.

Another thing, the neighbors are all depending on me to get their commodities and make trips to store and post office, etc. I am the one with the truck, most of them can't drive or can't afford cars.

One man near me has a three wheel bicycle and he can go downtown for supplies and even eat at the corner deli. I couldn't see to get there.

I don't know what to do, my kids all live miles and miles away. I dearly love to go to church but am afraid to ask someone to come get me.

Whatever you say I think will work. I have read your advice piece here for a long time. Everything you say seems reasonable. That is unless you are joking a little with someone.

Old blind guy, getting blinder, Hank, in Happytown

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Dear Hank

Please don't put yourself down anymore. There is a lot of good life in the old stud (I say mare for the women reading this).

You just need to figure it out. I have several suggestions, you could choose. Then I will tell you which I would pick.

1. Go live in an inexpensive but nice and clean assisted living. They are set up just for people with the problems like you have. I would suggest a newer city owned facility. I would recommend Oakland, Nebraska. They may have a waiting list.

2. Eat crow and live with the kiddo. If you have a lot, you could stay here and there with some of them. My Dad wouldn't move to Texas so that was out for us and him. We would have enjoyed his company so much.

3. Check yourself in at a nursing home. That isn't often the best because they are set up to handle more critical needs than what you are experiencing.

4. Go on a cruise and find a nice but lonely lady that you get along with. Spread yourself around, very often one will suggest (in a hinting way) that you move in with each other. She could be your eyes you need. You could be a very nice companion that I'll bet she needs;.

These are the best I can come up with for now. Any of them ought to work, you will have to take some initiative for any of them for starts.

Me, I'd go to a nice affordable assisted living home. Get reports from relatives of people who live there, get your kids or you preacher to help you with this.

You will be independent and well cared for. The man-to-woman ratio is generally about one-to-eight at these.

Let me tell you one thing, those women all cluck after the guys who live there. That is an instinctive trait that women have.

Enjoy your changing life, hang in there, and I hope I have helped you,

Jim

Old yes, Hank, you may be an "Old blind guy, getting blinder" but please stop thinking of yourself that way. I don't want you to go pitying yourself. There is enough of that pitying one's self in the world already.

And stop worrying about the neighbors, you will get new friends. Dr. Jim



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Hubby doesn't want to go shopping with his wife -- says wife expects to much of him

Dear Dr. Jim

My wife has unreal expectations from me. I love her company but just listen to this little vignette.

She wants me to go with her shopping for her some new clothes. It isn't the clothes or spending money I object to, but she always does this to me. She drags me along to every little store and several malls.

My feet are wearing out just thinking of all that walking. We go and go and go. I would say an easy five miles in just this one day.

And Dr. Jim, all the ladies trying on those little clothes and dresses look at me like I am a vagrant come in to ogle.

Besides that, this is the time this year for the U.S. Men's Clay Court Championships Matches. I hate to miss even a one of those.

So please can you help me, Please, Please, Please

I.M.P. in Toulouse, NH

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Well Mr. P, I can't feel very sorry for you. You should be grateful your BW (best wife) wants you to go shopping with you. Mine hardly ever invites me.

When she does, I always take plenty of reading material and my lap top. When my feet get tired, I find a bench outside (in your cold and snow, you might have to be inside), sit and read.
When I get tired of reading, I blog. I just love it that we have the Internet free all over the area. That was our first economic stimulus.

You shouldn't waste your time watching tennis. Besides most tennis fans (not the players) develop arthritis of the neck with all that twisting to see from side to side. Even the TV watcher fans get that.

Oh well, there probably isn't much help with you, but give her a break and be a nice little husband once in a while. It might do your marriage good, you can talk in the car and if she will sit with you on the bench, help things still more.

I hope this helps one of you, Dr. Jim

Note: I really don't mind being with and looking at all those women either. I get lots of smiles, winks, and pats. Dr. Jim


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Will the grand kids like his singing -- He is apprehensive

Dear Dr. Jim

Gotta tell you a story Dr. Jim.

In my younger years I was always preparing to sing in the hollow of his hand for at least one of my three sons and two daughters prior to there leaving on LDS missions.

Well one by one each one of them declined my invitation to sing. They are all grown but now I have seven grands probably to turn me down to sing at their farewells one by one.

The first leaves in Ten years, how do I get one of them to let me sing????

Please help here, Dr. Jim.

Worried in the Free U.S.A, Anon

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Dear Anon

This is a good question. A lot of people have similar situations, perhaps not in their singing but in other areas where their children and grand kids lose appreciation for their elders.

Just get another grand kid and catch him/her very young. Probably they don't realize anything is wrong until they age a little and get more experienced with singin'.

Other than that, there is no hope. My relatives, young and old have no love for my singing. They even all laugh when I sing the 'Happy Birthday Song" to them.

I might add this bit, just smile like I do and they will love you for what you are and how you try (yes, your singing as well).

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

P.S. Mr. Anon, if you meant to not have this posted here please let me know, use the confidential comment link below. And if you did not, please forgive me. Dr. Jim


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Ask Dr. Jim (blog) Favorites, a Top Ten List -- Please vote for yours!

Dear Dr. Jim

I really like your advice column [sic] blog. We talk about it a lot at work around the water cooler and at home over the supper table.

What are your most popular questions asked so far? Since I am a reporter people think I should know that. I would like to know for myself also.

Nosey Newspaper Reporter in Sacramento, Bob

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Dear Bob

Thanks, a lot of people ask me that. Here is the skinny for the week as of today:

No. 1A: Just plain coming to Ask Dr. Jim (blog) without asking a question or seeking a title. These came to read and keep current with the column blog.

No. 1: Sue just wants to be hairy (armpits) -- Husband opposed (link)

No. 2: Her cat pees on the furniture -- reader is "annoyed" (link)

No. 3: "My wife is always late" says husband, "we need to know how to stop being late" (link)

No. 4: How often should he change his underwear (he won't change them) (link)

No. 5: Is his wife always right? (link)

No. 6: Why do Tigers eat and kill? Why do rabbits run? Kate wants a tiger and a rabbit for pets -- they won't cooperate, she knows! (link)

No. 7: Car's idler pulley bearings -- Stupid wife, ignorant husband, have argument about theirs (link)

No. 8: Do earlobes grow with aging? Still young reader is getting worried (link)

No. 9: Recipe for chocolate cake à la Snickers help needed by Ms. Reader in Farawayland (link)

No. 10: How to make rooster stop crowing in the middle of the night, Mr. Seed needs to know (link)

No. 11: Picky husband won't drink milk past its sell by date (link)

There you have it. This list was compiled by counting hits on the entry pages. You can vote for your favorites too, please read the bottom line here.

I threw in an extra, sorta' like a baker's dozen just in case someone doesn't like one of the first ten.

Usually No. 8, about ladies' earlobes growing, is around the top three. Do you think everyone knows this already so we are cutting back on the Googling for this.

Or we might blame it on the economy, people are just plain satisfied with what they have and don't want to spend money on their ears.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

One last item. I would appreciate readers voting (by leaving your comments) on their favorites. I will tabulate this for you in a comment later on.



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Woman suspects husband is gay -- he hangs out with his buddies

Dear Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim, please help me! I need it badly!

My husband sometimes would rather spend time with his buddies than with me. I think he may be gay or turning gay. Could this be the case?

With his buddies he works on cars, plays golf, and does all kinds of activities with those guys. One is especially close I think. He calls every day or two, they even go for coffee at MacDonald's.

We have been married for fifty-five years now and I don't think I can stand what I am seeing.

Scared and left at home in Poughkeepsie, Fran

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Dear Fran

Well, if it helps any it seems to me that your husband is a healthy and well adjusted fellow. Of course that isn't saying he couldn't be gay.

Here is the deal. Most men can't make friends with other guys. Their friends are only women, often just their wives at that. Sociologists say a well adjusted man will have a close buddy. A golfing buddy or card playing friend is typical.

That is easier for women, you probably have a close gossip friend and then perhaps a bridge circle or close coffee group. Most women do, IF YOU DON'T THEN YOU HAD BETTER GET A FRIEND. That is not of the utmost importance for men, but women need women to talk woman talk with.

I would think that after fifty-five years of marriage you would have figured all this out.

One problem is that women tend to be more jealous of their hubbies than most men are vice-versa. My closest friend ('Bill' we'll call him) around the age of twenty was a few years older and married. We worked on a racing car and would take it to the races on Saturday nights. I learned a lot that way.

One day his wife walked out of the house with a suitcase in her hand. When asked where she was headed, she told 'Bill' that since he liked that %$#@&+ car more than he loved her she was leaving. She left and divorced poor Bill.

That wasn't the end. Bill married a very sweet young lady. I should know she was sweet as for a while I hung around her sweet sister some until she got married also.

And we weren't and have never been gay.

For more reading on this subject check this link out. Read especially the third one (was when I looked) entitled Men and Friendship. Check some of these too.

And for goodness sake if you still feel this way about him go seek a professional for help. You pastor can recommend a competent worker.

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim



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Dear Dr. Jim

I heard you are going out of town. Will you be answering all our burgeoning questions while you are gone? Or maybe have a fill in doctor?

If not I will be missing you a lot.

Mary, Weeping for Sadness in Ohio

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Dear Mary WSO,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

and please don't cry. This is my line:

I will be scarce until the end part of January unless we can find a cheap Internet Cafe on the QM2 or in Grenada. It is getting cool here so we had to go. We did get new bathing suits last Sunday.

So check for me every now and once in a while on my Jim's Little Blog or Jim's (other Little Place) where I might could put up a word or two once in a while. This is my final goodbye (for now).

Hope this soothes you somewhat (for sure don't cry),

(and please leave me your comments)

Dr. Jim



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How to make rooster stop crowing in the middle of the night, Mr. Seed needs to know

Dear Dr. Jim

Our neighbors are complaining about our roosters. It seems they don't like the crowing these pets are doing. At least they don't like them to crow in the middle of the night.

Mrs. Seed and I can just sleep right through it and never hear them until they do their 6:30 crows. That is our waking up time. These birds are within a couple of minutes of 6:30 every morning so that is good for us.

The problem here is that we can't teach these birds when to crow and when not to. Roosters are wild in nature and they will crow when they like to crow. I told the neighbor that but he just got more angry.

Please help us with a solution Dr. Jim, you are my last straw.

Hay Seed in Arkansas

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Dear Mr. Seed

I do have some news for you. Good news. Those chickens can be taught.

It would be best for you if you did that because the neighbors told me when I contacted them that they are just about to call the city zoning commission about these problems your roosters are causing.

I have done some research on the matter, it seems that lowering the roof of their cages so they can not hold their heads up high is the best. You will have to buy an alarm clock as the roof will not get any taller at 6:30 than it was at 5:30.

I also found out that roosters crow at lights, the sun in the morning, other lights at night. Before you lower the ceiling try completely darkening their cage at nighttime.

Other suggestions on how to stop them from crowing ranged from using shotguns to eating them.

My idea is like that of training dogs and cats. You should buy a cot and sleep in the chicken pen. Whenever a rooster begins to crow in the middle of the night, tell it to be quiet. You could even throw a shoe. Then leave at 6:30. If the rooster crows when you are gone, then you are on to something. Gradually the roosters will learn not to crow at the times you have stopped them.

This should have helped, I surely hope so. It could be some of the readers can help you some as well. Best wishes on the roosters.

Dr. Jim


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Hubby wants to wait until the last minute to buy when things get to be a bargain -- Here the Christmas tree

Dear Dr. Jim

Oh gosh, its Christmas time and here we go again.

My husband always waits until Christmas Eve or sometimes even Christmas Day to get our Christmas tree.

He gets the bargain ones that will go to the beach the next day to help slow down the erosion.

We don't have time to enjoy it before Christmas and sometimes there isn't time to decorate it properly. If you could get him to buy it now we could at least have a couple of days.

Please rush me the answer, he said he would go by your answer just this one day.

Thank you Dr. Jim, I know you will come through,

Santa's Elf # 2,981,001, a Little Miffed in the deep North

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Dear # 2,981,001 Miff

Okay, lets do this one up right and fast. After all it is Christmas time and your scenario is being repeated hundreds of thousands of time all over the country.

Normally I would have a few terrible solutions to your situation but this year let's do it right just this one time. (Meaning I won't go into stubbornness, procrastination, cheapskate-likeness, marital bickering, etc.)

Here is it: WATCH THE SALE ADS ON ARTIFICIAL TREES. OFTEN THEY ARE EVEN BEFORE CHRISTMAS DAY. BUY ONE FOR HALF PRICE OR LESS. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL AFTER CHRISTMAS IT WILL BE FOR JUST THIS ONE TIME AND WELL WORTH IT. TRUST ME.

Now for the good news. Next year you can take this artificial tree out any time you are ready. Your hubby might even get to like seeing it out so pretty and all earlier.

We do that at our house. Mrs. Jim gets it out whenever she is ready. Of course I get roped into helping her with the lights and assembly. She isn't an aerospace engineer like I was for a lot of my working life.

Mrs. Jim can also take it down when she is ready. I am now divorced from the whole procedure except for a little work at setup, take-down, and storage times. Oh yes, I help her when a string of lights go out but what the hey. That's being married and loved. (Read my comment on lights if you want to here a short cut I took this year.)

I know this helps, yours, Dr. Jim

p.s. I do suspect this goes on for other things, the waiting for sales. A lot of this is fine, it just depends on how badly the item is needed earlier. You guys can work that out after seeing how the Christmas tree thing works. Dr. Jim



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Picky husband won't drink milk past its sell by date

Dear Dr. Jim

This is a small problem to my hubby and probably is small potatoes to you. But to me it supper tubers. Dr. Jim, please Google that (I did it here) for the uninformed.

Our problem doesn't involve potatoes today, it is about milk.

My hubby will not drink mild past its sell by date. I say drink it until it tastes or smells bad. Who is right.

Not so picky Jane in Kansas

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Dear N.S. Picky Jane

I hate to tell you this but there isn't any correct answer or set rule. So you drink the old stuff until it seems bad. Hubby should buy new milk when the old milk reaches the 'sell by date.'

I think my readers might have some stories to tell as to what they do about this.

In fact one lady says the milk is fine even when sour. She puts some vinegar in hers to make it taste like butter milk.

Hope this answer suits you fine,

Dr. Jim


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Happy Blog Anniversary Jim!

My Active (whatever that means) Blogs: (3)
JIM'S LITTLE BLOG -- Started December 1, 2005
-- 1,153 Posts -- 41,0699 'Visitors' -- Currently 40/day average
Running several (3-4) posts per week currently
(Generally Ruby Tuesday on Tuesdays)

JIM'S LITTLE PHOTO AND POEM PLACE -- Started December 1, 2006
-- 359 Posts -- 7765 'Visitors' -- Currently 15/day average
Running three +/- posts per week: (these may appear sometime the day before due date)
(Wordless Wednesday -- on Wednesday)
(SkyWatch Friday -- on Friday)
(One Single Impression -- on Sunday)
(an occasional 'feel good' post)

Ask Dr. Jim (blog) -- Started November 30, 2007
-- 64 Posts -- 3445 'Visitors' -- Currently 16/day average
Running one +/- post per week, no set day
Posts are Q&A; Questions on most any subject from 'reader' and Answers by Dr. Jim who knows most everything about most everything there is to know (at least Dr. Jim always has an answer)

General Statistics:
8533 Comments on all blogs (Yahoo mail won't let me refine anymore)
2086 Total posts, all blogs

Inactive or little used blogs:
JIM'S LITTLE HAPPY PLACE – 192 Posts (once a controversial blog with a different name--I couldn't tolerate the flaming and converted it to a HAPPY PLACE--then it went inactive as I couldn't care for and feed it properly)
me, old blogs never read, and . . . – 169 Posts -- A dumping place
To All the Girls I've Loved Before – 16 Posts --purpose link -- not nearly completed
jim's little Christmas tree farm – 102 Posts -- lots of Christmas trees earlier, now a few miscelaneous posts
What Susie Wrote on My Blog – 21 Posts -- while I was on holiday


FAQ:
Q -- Do you have a YouTube?
A -- Yes, Jim1Jim1. It has very sporadic posting with 19 Videos

Q -- Will you create a new blog this year?
A -- No plans at the present time. In fact I spend too much time blogging and would like to slow down and get better quality posts.

Q -- Then will you discontinue one of these three blogs?
A -- Right now, No. Later I may consolidate JIM'S LITTLE BLOG and JIM'S LITTLE PHOTO AND POEM PLACE. They seem to overlap.

Q -- But you have different readership on each blog, I don't want to leave the one I like and am accustomed to.
A -- That is the major problem with consolidation.

Q -- What would you like to do about consolidation?
A -- I have thought about moving everything to JIM'S LITTLE BLOG. Then it would lack organization so I think I am stuck the way I am.

Q -- You don't seem to read my blog very much anymore. Why?
A -- If you don't leave comments on my blogs I won't pester you (very much).

Q -- Can I ask more questions?
A -- Yes, just leave them in a comment. Request for me to remove the comment after reading and it will soon be gone.

Q -- What if I don't like to even show my comment, thought, or idea for even a short time until you read it. Don't you have an e-mail address?
A#1 -- Yes, I have several e-mail addresses. My blogging address is jhovendic[at]yahoo[dot]com.
A#2 -- I also have one moderated comment page (click here) taking private comments. It was intended for anonymous questions to Ask Dr. Jim (blog) but you also could use it to remain anonymous.

Left over turkey too much for 'gonged' Mississippi cook

Dear Dr. Jim

Oh dear Mr. Jim, I've got a problem. A turkey problem. About 10 turkeys problem, almost.

You see I had invited my family and extended family and some neighbors over for Thanksgiving. I prepared for about 85 guests because that's how many invitations I sent or had called, roughly.

Trouble is that only a dozen came, or so.

Now what do I do with all the turkey I have left over. I made a dozen because my Betty Cr*cker recipe said 'one turkey for every seven eaters'. So I made a dozen of those birds. That is how I figure there are ten left as those twelve who came probably ate about two if Betty Cr*cker was right, or nearly right.

So Dr. Jim, I need your help with disposing of all these turkeys, literally as food you see.

Gonged in Mississippi

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Dear Gonged

Well, I hope you didn't get 'gonged', in actuality.

First of all, if you didn't stick them in the fridge within a half hour after the meal, THROW THEM ALL AWAY! Turkeys are one of the fastest spoiling foods known.

Now, if you still have them and didn't throw them out because they weren't refrigerated then you should freeze all but a half of one for the time being.

If you can do that, eat the half one as leftovers and save the rest for Christmas.

With the half one, I would suggest turkey sandwiches, turkey tacos, turkey tarts with blue cheese, turkey pizza, turkey soup, turkey casserole, turkey hamburger, turkey BLT, etc. I do not like leftover turkey except for the first day when I will eat a turkey breast sandwich with mayo and lettuce.

I will eat turkey noodle soup but only if I make it myself. Use your Betty Cr*cker recipe for that. You will have to substitute turkey meat for the chicken in the chicken noodle soup recipe.

I hope this helps. If your freezer isn't big enough then give one each turkey to your friendly neighbors to keep until you are ready to use/eat it.

Dr. Jim

One more tidbit, like closing the barn door after all the pigs have run out, but I'll tell you anyway. Next time, find out to a person or so who is coming and who won't.

A good rule to go by here is for every four people you invite one will come. That would have given you 21 to come. Your twelve is a little off my rule. You had one to come of every seven you invited.

Invite and ask of them, written in the invitation, to RSVP yes or no. That is what the manners books say to do--it keeps the pigs in the barn.

Dr. Jim





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Fiancé likes to kiss Santa -- she really frustrates her mate with those kisses

Dear Dr. Jim

I hate to tell you this for fear that someone I know may recognize me. But I have no place else to turn.

My fiancé insists up on kissing Santa at the Malls.

I've tried everything with her, even try to tell her that they are paid guys, not the real Santa. These guys get their pay for sitting there to entice the little children into telling their Christmas wishes within the hearing range of their parents.

Even when it is an outlandish gift they want Santa to bring, kids will spill the beans to Santa. They would be afraid the parents would ridicule them, chastise them, or other ilks of this sort.

So how do I get her to stop kissing that guy. I don't like it, it may ruin our marriage to become.

Embarrassed Samuel in Ohio

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Dear Samuel

Have a heart. Your fiancé is only finishing out her youthful fantasises.

I would guess that when she was small Santa snubbed her or she was deprived of seeing him. She has to work this out of her system.

Then too, she may still believe deep in her heart that this is the real Santa just getting around all over like he does on Christmas night. It is simply magic the way he operates.

You could help her to grow up.

First, change your name to 'Sam'. Samuel is a child's name who still acts like a little boy. Change it to Sam and YOU grow up.

Then listen to what she has to say to Santa. Talk to her afterwards about her wishes if she has voiced them to him. She may not tell him anything, she may really like to kiss him. Then talk her concerning her feelings towards Santa. Some big girls and grown women do think he is cute.

I myself get pats and kisses from strangers, women, mostly because of my beard and my handsome looks. Sometimes they ask me if they should know me. Most times they are thinking of a movie star, sometimes an attorney or politician they have seen on TV.

If a thing like this bothers you so much as to be reason for you to back out of getting married I cringe. Then you for sure are not ready to get married and should not get married. Period.

One other thing, are you jealous of these guys getting kisses from your fiancé? If so, then again you are not ready for marriage. Kissing Santa is like kissing Dad. Does it bother you when she kisses her father? Think about this for a while.

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

A tidbit here. I believed in Santa until I was ready to enter high school. The Christmas of my eighth grade when sitting beside Santa (I was to heavy for his lap by then) Santa himself let me know who he really was.

He asked me how I like playing down at his pond across the road from our farm, where the creek runs through both farms. I was flabbergasted but later it got me to thinking. I am sure he was not the real Santa now because of that incident.

Dr. Jim





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How to spend less for Christmas -- wife has big spending ideas

Dear Dr. Jim

I just don't know what to do. My husband says we have to save money this year and spend NOTHING FOR CHRISTMAS.

I have always purchased gifts for everyone there is in our families. Most of them give back as well.

My rule is this: (in +/- $$'s)
$25 for people over 40 and cousins and friends
$50 for grandparents, nephews, nieces, uncles
$200-1000 for my hubby
$1000-3000 for each of the four kids.

Now you see why the old grouch might not be liking this. This amounts to around $10,000-15,000 each year. Now I have lost my job although he still has his.

Even on one family income we make over $48,000 a year. My solution is to just divide all those numbers by two and say that my half will not be given this year.

Does that sound right to you? Please, oh please, Dr. Jim, say that will be fine.

Needs a job in Michigan

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Well, Ms. Needs

That does not sound right at all.

I would like to side with your hubby but you aren't writing for me to say that.

What I will say is to leave Christmas gifting for the kids and a small gift to the spouses (I am thinking he will buy YOU something).

Also I would:

scale way down on the kids, either several smaller and less expensive gifts or one in the few hundreds;

set a limit on younger nieces and nephews to $10 skipping the older ones (a card and handkerchief would be OK);

send cards to the others, everyone else who was on your list before; and

make an agreement with hubby how much to spend on each other for a meaningful and loving gift, please don't let this amount get very high.

I know Michigan is hurting for jobs, could you possible get a temporary one during the Christmas season? There will be a lot of competition for those but you may have the edge with your maturity and working experience.

I hope this helped. There may be other solutions the readers might come up with.

And I might say, I would be grouchy too if my wife spent that much on Christmas. We don't even buy new cars, have never during our 35 years of marriage bought a new car. Just have to be frugal when we aren't rich.

Dr. Jim

An aside, if you could move to Texas, that would help. A lot of Michigan folks moved here in the 80's when things were rough.

Most moved back but as our great President Reagan once said, "Vote with your feet." Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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Husband doesn't like wife to be out

Dear Dr. Jim

I've been having some problems with my wife. She goes out and I can't even get her to tell me where she has been.

Do you think I can put an electronic tracker on her? The cops do it with parolees.

If I could, where would I buy such a thing?

I thank you in advance, it is getting harder and harder to keep her from getting out again.

Hot Guy from Minnesota

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Well, Mr. Hot Guy. I don't think you're so hot. Not if you are keeping your wife captive.

Forget it, let her go.

I will warn you that if you are found keeping her 'prisoner' in your home you are liable for a long time prison term yourself, IN THE SLAMMER.

I can't help you any further here, it is beyond my ability and competence as an attorney.

But I will tell you this, let her go and see an attorney, FAST.

Dr. Jim



So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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How often should he change his underwear (he won't change them)

Dear Dr. Jim

Houston, we have a problem.

My husband won't change his underwear. He says he will change it, when it gets embarrassing sized holes.

For sure I want him to have nice looking underwear, how can I get him to change?

Clean Lady in Utah

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Dear Clean Lady

Oh my goodness, at first I misunderstood you. I thought that hubby was wearing his underwear even when it got dirty until he wore holes in it.

Now I see, you want him to change out his underwear before it gets to looking to bad.

I doubt he has changed his habits much since you married him, so you will just have to live with him the way he is. STOP TRYING TO CHANGE HIM. He won't and he will resent you for working on him like you do.

If you want to blame someone you can blame his mother. He probably never changed his underwear out. Or changed it for clean for that matter. I was that way.

Mom would get my used underwear whether dirty or not each night after I went to bed. She would lay out clean underwear for me to put on the next morning along with my other clean clothes. I just thought that was something moms did.

And she would buy me new underwear before it ever got holes in it. Even when we were dirt poor.

When I left home I remember her telling me to be sure not to wear holey underwear just in case I would get into an accident and have to go to the hospital.

Hospitals seem to like nice looking underwear so I came to understand, and to this day if I am driving I put on good underwear. I wear the holey ones around the house and when doing yard work, etc.

Now for you. Buy him new underwear. My estimate is that it should be changed every year to have it looking nice. Just take his old underwear and put in new.

For years Mrs. Jim did that for me. Until we retired, now it is up to me. I must say I don't always put fresh on each morning and some of them have really bad holes. And that is the price you will keep on paying unless you take matters into your own hands.

I hope this helped.

Dr. Jim

Here are some references for you on changing out underwear, wearing clean underway every day, and holey underwear.



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'Perplexed' lady left way before "at the alter", what to do?

Dear Dr. Jim

Hi. I have been courted by a nice man for a few months now; he has spoken of marriage and my moving in; I never brought up the subject.

I told him I was hesitant to get involved at this point with my brother dieing and loosing my job all in the same month he wanted to start dating.

He still seemed quite smitten the last time we were together, but then he did not call for 3 days and then quickly got off the phone and said he would call back soon before he left for a week long retreat.

I have never heard from him again; it has been over a week. What is the writing on the wall if any? He seemed like quite a stable sensible loving and honest man;

I am perplexed.


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Dear 'Perplexed'

Well, as much as I hate to say it, I do believe this guy was hurting.

Please do not take this personally, but be prepared to go on. They have taught me that there are other fish in the sea. Now you continue with your business; do some occasional fishing when it seems right.

First of all, he came on pretty strong wanting you to give that much dedication to you (moving in or marriage). Yes, to speak and hint is probably acceptable but if he was sincere in his asking then he should be prepared to accept waiting.

Secondly, it seems that he was overwhelmed by your unexpected answer. It seems to me that if he was starting to care for you in a permanent way he would be concerned for your situation, offer you some condolences, and possibly even offer some assistance when you were needing.

Now he may have been thinking about this for those three days and decided he did not want to make a commitment this great at this time. Or that he thought since you now were unemployed that the sharing living arrangement would be helping.

I suppose we will never know.

Now, what happened to him? His plane could have crashed. He could have gone back to an "ex" that he hadn't told you about. Or just plain got cold feet.

If you haven't seen him by now (I was sort of waiting to see if he had reappeared in your life) then he is avoiding you or you don't go where he is anymore.

What to do?

You could call him. Just to have closure on this matter, see if he is alright physically and tell him you have enjoyed his company while it lasted. AND THEN, ask him where in the H*ll he has been and that it was very inconsiderate for him to not call you.

Or write him off as a loser. Yes, he may be timid and undecided and not know what or how to do anything about your situation from here on out.

If you really care for him and you think after all this that he is genuine but lacking the tact or courage to carry on, you could talk to a specialist in this area.

I would suggest your pastor if you have one and if you want him to know of this situation. If you would rather he not know, then find pastor in a different church that has an active singles ministry.

I hope this helps a little bit, this is a delicate time in your life.

Dr. Jim

One last item, my Mom used to tell me (quite often) that I would not find a nice girl in a bar. I have always remembered that.

All people have quirks, I have a lot, just ask Mrs. Jim. But she didn't find me in a bar, rather at a social gathering where friends and neighbors were gathered for a meal. Dr. Jim


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Wants to train dog her dog not to howl -- dog disrupts family sleeping habits

Dear Dr. Jim

My question:
So, how did you get to be 106 years old, so soon?

But really:
I have a rescue Siberian husky/German shepherd/wolf-in-the-woodpile mix. He ululates every morning about 5:23am to go for an iditerod.

I've had the dog about 9 months, and have grown very attached to him, but this behavior gets me up every morning. It's interfering with my already pathetic love life.

Whatever should I do about it (the dog howling, not my love life)? Please don't say get rid of the dog or my male companion. I'm fond of them both, pretty much equally.

Tired in Oregon

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Dear Tired

Oh dear! Houston, we have a problem. No not with my age. For that take my age, multiply it times 70, add 25, divide by 33 and subtract 12. Then divide by 2.5 and multiply by two and subtract 20. That will be approximately 106.

Now with the sleeping problem. Go to bed earlier, the doggie will howl earlier, let him outside for a bit (put your robe on if it is cold weather), then you all go back to bed and sleep until your regular time.

Dogs can be trained not to howl. Our dog, Adi, only howls on demand or if she is ready for ice cream and beddy-bye late at night.

This is what DogTrainingClassroom.com has to say about breaking the Siberian Husky of howling:

"Your dog may make noise as its way of communication to you when he is lonely or bored. Your dog may howl to seek attention from you. However excessive howling can irritate therefore, training your dog not to howl or make noise is of utmost importance. There are a few simple solutions to solve this problem:

• For the first few days, try to ignore your dog when he/she goes into a howling fit for no apparent reason as any attention will reinforce the behavior. Praise your dog when he becomes quiet.
• Do use a squirt gun to spray water on your dog if excessive howling persists. This is to disrupt its behavior and your dog will associate howling as an unpleasant experience.
• Do praise and reward your dog immediately after it stops making noises and not ten minutes after. Your dog will not understand the reason for the discipline.
• Do use an anti bark collar for further training whenever you are not around and your dog is not fully train yet so as to be thoughtful to thy neighbors."
  http://www.dogtrainingclassroom.com/siberian-husky-training.html at the bottom.
  

I hope this helps. Above all, do not get rid of the mate or the dog!

But hurry and stop the dog from ululating or the mate might get rid of you both. Or get you both trained to get up with him every morning. You could read the newspaper, ours has come by then.

You might even train him to bring you the paper for you.

Thank you for your confidence, Dr. Jim

[We do have a new (to us) toy poodle who will take a running socks from my shoes if I leave them laying on the floor. It looks like she'll be training me to put them away in the dirty clothes basket.]

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Sue just wants to be hairy (armpits) -- Husband opposed

Dear Dr. Jim

It just isn't fair! Why do women have to shave their armpits.

Didn't God make us with hair there before he allowed man to create the razor?

Please help me, Dr. Jim.

My husband insists that I would be a smelly woman if I didn't shave and has even threatened to sleep in another room. He says I would be disgusting and not sexy at all!

Wanna be Hairy Sue in Ardmore

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Dear Hairy Sue (Did you know that rhymes with Mary Sue?)

This is a very delicate situation that we are in here. I would like to see your armpits shaved and unshaven, I think that would help us a lot here.

But since we won't be able to do that, let's try the next best thing.

Ask you husband if the TWO OF YOU could have a trial run at this.

Both of you will have to work at this. If just one of you gives in it could lead to the downfall of your marriage.

Marriage is a 50-50 proposition, or pretty close to it, at least it should be. If one spouse just arbitrarily gives in that could set a precedence for losing control of ones self. None of us wants that to happen, these issues often lead to divorce.

Now, lets look at the hair armpit thing. Just a lot of European women do not shave under their armpits. Both the ladies and their menfolk think it is sexy.

Granted the body odor takes on a strong scent, but it is more like an animal aroma, one who is in the hunt for sex. Or who has been having sex lately and is ready for some more. People become very accustomed to this and some say it even enhances their love lives.

These were a couple of links I found with Google. What I found mainly was not conclusive at all. Be careful if you go there because some are distasteful to say the least about them.

One article not referred suggested that when the razor was invented shaven women were promoted as being sexier in order to promote razor sales to a new market.

A couple of references which are OK and to our point:
YouTube on Hairy Armpits (has pretty girl, seems sexy)
Paris Hilton is purported to be bringing hairy armpits back (link)

Hope this helps, I think I would like my wife to try not shaving but she won't.

Dr. Jim

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Addendum: September 25, 2008.

After further consideration I am telling Ms. Hairy Sue to go for all or nothing. If the hubby doesn't like it then he should hit the road. Period. You see, a woman's body is hers alone (and with God, of course--Romans 12) to do with it what she pleases.

Why do I say this? Roe vs. Wade gives all women in this grand United States that right, the right of privacy! The opinion was geared to right for a woman to choose to have an abortion but will equally apply to growing hair under her armpits if she wishes.

You might ask, "why should she be so harsh with the old man?" The answer is that making him sleep elsewhere was his idea, he would win. He presented Ms. Hairy with an either/or ultimatum. That doesn't go, she should do what she wants.

I hope this helps even more, Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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Rainy in Texas wants to know about shots for travel

Hey, Professor:

It was nice to meet you. I forgot to ask tonight: "Do we need to take any shots before the trip to Guatemala?"

Plus, thank you very much for your help with getting my car started. Now I can go out there in the morning and fiddle with it and get it over to the dealer.

Oscar in Rainy Texas

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Ok Rainy

1. Make sure your shots are up to date for your own protection.

2. Bring mosquito repellent in your checked luggage.

3. Bring gloves for lifting.

4. Maybe more that I can't think of right now.

I think a tetanus shot is most important, you could cut your finger on the paint brush or a piece of concrete you are moving.

One of the attachments may tell about that, I can't remember right now. I had a tetanus two years ago, I'm not sure about Mrs. Jim.

And mosquitoes can be a problem, bring repellent (in your checked suitcase).

Another thing to do is check the CDC site and their reco's for Guatemala.

http://www.cdc.gov/Features/SpringTravel/

Especially item three here!

A neat site for any time place look-ups is http://wwwn.cdc.gov/travel/destinationList.aspx

From that I found this. Our areas aren't the high risk areas for malaria.

http://wwwn.cdc.gov/travel/destinationGuatemala.aspx

We did take malaria pills to China.

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

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Eating ice cream gives her headaches -- my explanation and remedy?

Dear Dr. Jim

I have a question that isn't too terribly important. But it did seem you needed someone to write in with one. Besides I get a lot of humiliation from my husband about this item.

It seems that I get headaches easily whenever I eat ice cream.

My husband is no help at all, he usually says, "Dummy, don't take such big bites."

Like I use the big spoon or something. Humph!

Susan Aspirin Eater Not By Choice in Hoeboeken

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Well, Susan (oh you Dummy, you ),

Thank you for your write-in generosity. You have given me a Lulu.

First, ice cream is much colder than ice. Our bodies were made to handle ice nicely as many times the Indians and other savages had to drink out of frozen streams in the winter. Also eating snow is a part of our natural constitutionality.

So, eating that cold ice cream is not of the norm as ice cream is not found in nature. Therefore it overwhelms our natural ability to cope with temperatures ingested; it is out of range, low.

FYI, nominal ice cream temperature is 23°F. That temperature rapidly shrinks the sinuses of most humans so much that it is painful.

Another side effect of eating ice cream is sinus infections. Not because the ice cream is cold, but because of all the ingredients of commercially made ice cream.
........Typical bad ingredients found in ice cream:
"In the following paragraph we present you a list of the most damaging ice-cream ingredients: amyl acetate, amyl butyrate, amyl valerate, benzyl isobutyrate, butyric acid, benzyl acetate, anysil formate, cinnamyl isobutyrate, cinnamyl valerate, diacetyl, dipropil ketone, ethyl acetate, ethyl amyl ketone, cognac essential oil, ethyl heptanoate, ethyl butyrate, ethyl nitrate, ethyl cinnamate, ethyl propionate, ethyl valerate, heliotropin, a-ionone, isobutyl anthranilate, isobutyl butyrate, lemon methyl heptine carbonate, methyl salicylate, mint essential oil, neryl isobutyrate, orris butter, rose, run ether, vanillin and solvents." (source, Enzine@Articles)

That ought to scare hubby off ice cream, you don't eat it because it's too cold, he doesn't eat it now because of all the harmful additives.

Homemade ice cream is good for you, it contains only what you put into it. I WOULD NOT PUT RAW EGGS IN HOMEMADE ICE CREAM. Raw eggs are a cause of some terrible sicknesses.

Hope this helped,

Dr. Jim

If you make some homemade, can I lick the dasher?



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Learning how to ride a bicycle

Dear Dr. Jim

This is almost embarrassing, but here goes with my problem!

I am a grown lady, somewhere between ages 35 and 70. Doggone it all to Heck, but I have forgotten how to ride a bicycle. My grandkids want me to ride with them and I just plain have forgotten how.

Can you give me help on learning how to ride a bicycle, please!

Very frustrated Little Biker-chick Lady


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Dear L' Biker-chick Lady

This is certainly exceedingly bad, especially in your case with the grandkids.

I hope this will help you some, let's think about a few ways for you to relearn this precious skill.

How old are your grandkids? I ask because if they are almost teenagers or older they very well may have taught some younger one how to ride. Of course if they don't know of your dilemma this would be embarrassing for you to ask.

When in doubt, it is always a safe bet to ask your preacher if you have one. I DID DETECT SOME ALMOST CUSSING IN YOUR LETTER, this may not be an option for you. Those guys are asked to help all the time in ways you could not even imagine. And if they themselves haven't taught riding, they can find another clergy who could.

Go to the library and check out a book on Learning to Ride a Bicycle. THE LATE BLOOMER’S REVOLUTION: A MEMOIR, By Amy Cohen, Hyperion, 288 pages, $23.95 is great. Try Amazon.com or your favorite bookseller if you want to buy it. Read a review here. See, you aren't alone in this predicament.

Here is a device to help you learn. (link to video) You install it on your bike's front wheels. Made mostly to help teach kids but it works for all, it sells for about $39.95.

I have probably given you something helpful here. Generally it comes naturally after you learn--and instinct takes over really soon--to turn into the way the bike wants to tip.

Have your bandaids and Iodine ready. Bye for now, your frustrations will soon be over.

Please give me some feed back on this,

Dr. Jim



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A quarterly or so check-up on who is asking or reading what

Dear Dr. Jim

Just was wonderin', does anybody read your help blog and what postings do they used the most?

Curious Georgette (again)

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Dear C.G.

Yes, and I'm glad you asked that question.

The Ask Dr. Jim (blog) is getting about twelve hits or clicks a day, either by direct link or favorite or via Google. This one is the least of my three active blogs but I am quite satisfied with it.

About each time a new topic is added it gains one or two clicks a day. So keep on asking questions.

You might like the following rundown the numbers on the left are click per 100 clicks. You can see that most, a readership of about 23%, or a quarter of you, go directly to the site's front or latest feature.

23	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com/
12	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...lley-bearings-stupid-wife.html
9	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...ow-with-aging-still-young.html
9	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...-go-anyplace-anymore-says.html
8	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...uthern-gentlemen-man-from.html
7	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...es-on-furniture-reader-is.html
6	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...-leads-to-marriage-wishes.html
4	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com/2008/03/dear-dr.html
3	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...na-dig-hole-to-china-just.html
2	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...ve-1987-chevy-pickup-with.html
2	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com.../is-his-wife-always-right.html
2	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...igers-eat-and-kill-why-do.html
2	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...ife-left-what-can-he-have.html
2	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...as-uncontrolled-blog-rage.html
2	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...aughter-distraught-father.html
1	unknown
1	file:///C:/Documents and Setti...g Is his wife always right.htm
1	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com
1	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com/2007/12/dear-dr_09.html
1	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...did-this-dumb-guy-come-to.html
1	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...hocolate-cake-la-snickers.html
1	http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com...rson-la-firebug-wishes-he.html

I was surprised that so many would be looking at the car question about idler bearing pulleys.

Readers can click on any link to see what question about a given popular topic is all about.

I hope this helps, reader feedback is encouraged, put it on the question posting if you wish to remain confidential.

I would also hope a new question would be triggered by some when these postings are read by the readers. Please feel free to "ask Dr. Jim" and new questions you may wish to see how I answer them.

Dr. Jim


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Nobody likes me, everybody hates me

Dear Dr. Jim

Everybody hates me. I just know that. And I have been knowing it for quite a while.

I think it started when I was a smart eliki (sic) kid in grade school. The teachers would beat me with a yard stick. The other kids all made fun of me.

Then I would cuss them all out and a bunch of them would hold me down and wash my mouth with soap.

It has gone from that bad to much worse now. Not with teachers but with the relatives and the few friends I used to have. Of course they don't beat me but they do avoid me.

Even my wife of thirteen years left last year. I am not abusive, physically or verbally. I just don't understand it.

Help me, Dr. Jim, please

Mr. Whak Johnson in Johnson City

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Dear Mr. Johnson

I think I can help you but you will have to help too.

Smart-alack kids generally generate animosity all around. Perhaps your parents defended you? Or even encouraged your behavior? Maybe you didn't start that way, but were incorrectly blamed.

It would be hard for you to know why you had that label but it seemed to have stuck with you. That is too bad, but not insurmountable even at an older age (I note you call yourself "Mr.").

Living in Johnson City is hard for you, were your early relatives the founders? If so this could lead the townspeople to have great expectations from you.

I found this Poem By John Simone, How To Behave In Public (link). As silly as it may seem, please read it and take every line to heart. Carry it with you and practice doing these things.

If your job permits or you can change jobs easily I suggest you pick up and move away. That way you can get a new start on life. Try to make it a good one. Get a new 'nice' reputation.

There are also books for self help, the larger book stores have many on reputation improvement. That seems to me to be all you need, is to get yourself a good reputation.

If your finances can afford it, professional help can sometimes be beneficial in these areas.

I hope this helps, Dr. Jim

BTW, I would note that many comedians got their start by getting good attention. They do this by doing things to make people laugh. A funny guy is generally a likable one. Dr. Jim



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Her husband has uncontrolled blog rage as well as controlled road rage

Dear Dr. Jim

Please, Dr. Jim, I need help FAST!

My husband has uncontrollable rage when he gets on his computer and uses the Internet with his (sic) glob.

He is prone to violent 'madness,' the doctor and I made him stop driving because he had the worst case of road rage ever. It is a wonder no one got killed then.

I am open to any suggestions.

Harried Wife in Kudzu Tennessee

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Dear H. W.

I feel really sorry for your predicament, but more sorrowfully yet for your dear hubby. Having rage is like being an alcholic or having cancer, one can control it but it can never be cured.

He is working with BLOGS, not GLOBS. Blogs are mainly a social network of online friends, some are political (or other favorite cause like religion, etc) in nature. Actually Ask Dr. Jim (blog) is a blog.

Let's get to it.

First, is he ever violent towards you? You don't seem worried but if it happens leave immediately until you two get professional help.

Second, I am a firm believer that there is such a thing as BLOG RAGE. This is a relatively new phenomenon, mainly because blogs are so new.

Third, you should consult a professional again, probably the one he trusts who worked with you both in the road rage situation.

Fourth, I believe you and the doctor may have to take away the keys to his computer (literally there aren't keys, so cut the plug off) of his computer away from him like you did the car.

Fifth, please read some online items about the newest of rages, blog rage (click here). I have found about 6,780 articles for you and the other readers. [For some articles about controlling road rage, click here.]

Please get action very soon before someone does get hurt.

Dr. Jim.

p.s. H. W, you are invited to keep on reading stuff on your computer, it is a wonderful learning tool. Perhaps this drastic action I suggested may not be necessary or at least not be permanent. Leave that to the doctor/professional.

Writing the blog(s) helps him keep his mind going, just pray he gets it going in the right direction. Dr. Jim



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"My wife is always late" says husband, "we need to know how to stop being late"

Dear Dr. Jim

My wife is always late. She is late for everything we do or that she does alone.

I have tried every kind of measures that I can think of and nothing changes.

Even for church she will be so late that we come when the offering is being taken up. If we have a reservation, we will invariably be 20 to 40 minutes late.

I have been fed up with this for years now, it is driving me crazy, and, ... Well we won't go into that here.

Please, oh please, Dr. Jim, I need your advice.

Late Husband, Paul, in Pascagoula


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Dear L.H. Paul

Lateness can be a chronic problem which should be addressed.

You scared me for a moment when you called yourself "Late Husband." Do you know what that means?

You remind me of a widowed preacher who told a would be match maker that he just wanted a 'one night stand.' The woman asked him, "Sir, do you know what that means?" His reply was, "Well, maybe not."

Let me ask you something: could you put up with being late for another four or so years? Answer that question and you will see how badly you really dislike this situation your wife has placed you in.

I will let you draw your own conclusions about putting up some more. It may not be just her fault, exam youself and your conduct here.

There is another set of questions that need to be answered. Knowing these will help you tackle this objectively.

Does you wife know of your disdain for her being late? Does she try to be on time? Does she make silly excuses to you for why she is being late? How does she explain her tardiness to others who are affected?

There are a few solutions I generally suggest the couple trying. None are very awful good, try more than one idea:
1. Go off and leave her.
2. Put a bad conduct list on the refrigerator. One column for every member of the family. Then anyone make an entry when they think another is bad.
3. Have a separate car for your wife .
4. Check this link, have your wife check it if she is willing. (link)
5. From the first on the above Web site, Penelope Trunk, I like #5 (link).
"Be honest with yourself. Why do you let yourself be late? It is disrespectful and makes you look unorganized and out of control. Why are you not getting control over your time. So much about being on time is actually about self-knowledge. Often, we are scared to make the decisions that we must make in order to get control over our time and become someone who runs on schedule. But there is no other way to run a life. To run on schedule is to plan the life you want to live and execute that plan."

Just remember this and it may help you (again, from Penelope Trunk), "If you are a person who is always late, you will get in trouble. People who are always late think they are only sometimes late, so if you think you are sometimes late, you are probably in trouble."

Remember too, the daisies fade after a few days but their seed remains forever. (Dr. Jim's wisdom here) You can go a long way with this. So you two just get started on something constructive.

Speaking of long, this got long. I hope you can gleam a little,

Dr. Jim


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Pyromania? Arson? -- L.A. firebug wishes he wasn't one. -- Good? Bad? Right? Wrong? Who knows?

Dear Dr. Jim

Doctor, I hope you can help me. I have this fear that I am a firebug waiting to happen.

Almost every day I play with matches and several butane lighters that I have collected. I light candles for no reason, I am not even religious. I burn my trash in the backyard at times when no one is watching.

My wife gave me such a hard time that now I do all this in secret. She threatened to leave me if I didn't 'straighten up.'

Likes Fire Horace in La La Land.

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OK, and O O, L.F. Bad news for you, you may be a latent pyromaniac.

I did check on firebugs a little because I actually hadn't dealt with any so far in my career.

The law is very hard on firebugs if they start a fire of a public building or property belonging to another. The crime is arson which carries a stiff prison sentence as a penalty. Here are links to a couple of old New York Times articles concerning this crime of arson. Link 1 Link 2 Each makes interesting reading.

Pyromania is the name for having an irresistible impulse to start fires. There has been controversy about whether the condition arises from mental illness or moral deficiency. Psychiatrists have been working on determination of which one.

Please read this article very carefully: [Wikipedia].

I am 99.999% certain that it can be either. At any rate, watch yourself and try to curb your fire setting. Moral deficiency means you are not using good judgement about the difference between good and bad. This can be straightened out and your wife has the right ideas concerning this situation.

On the other hand if it is due to a mental illness situation professional (psychiatric in nature) can certainly help you. Almost all mental situations can either be cured, modified, or curbed with help of proper care.

Whichever your situation, if the behavior continues to the extent of committing arson, help is often lacking or minimal in the crowded confinement institutions (prisons). And in your case I almost hope it is a mental area where you lack the ability to determine right from wrong as this is actually easier for the professional to cope with.

I hope this helps you to see the need get help very soon. Check with a professional for help right away before it is too late.

Dr. Jim

Oh yes, please leave your matches and lighters before you come to my house.

Don't take your fire to town son
Leave your fire at home O.F.
Don't take your fire to town

Johnny Cash song link.

Dr. Jim




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