Lady Bugged with a "Terrible Problem"

Dear Dr. Jim

I'm having a terrible situation which seems to be perpetuating.   

I hope that you can help me with me in sorting out this problem getting-to-be ordeal.  It may ruin my life if it keeps going on.

So, when I talk or write and I need one of these two words to be used, "less" or "fewer". 

Sincerely and devotedly attentive to my Grammer being correct,

Snyderbergg, "Two G's Lady, perplexed"

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Well, Ms. Two G's, 

I would indeed think there is a BIG PROBLEM here.  So big you might see, soon, or later, your psychiatrist about.  It is very much big for you. And for me, because I feel for you. 

First, I will tell you how I personally handle this, it does appear now and then.  Mostly I mind what is said by my gut and follow it.  It seems that as much as I write that I would have come to this junction and came by some sort of instinctive miracle took place and doing that have done okay.  No complaints or making fun.  

But had it appeared I personally would ask one of a few grammar teachers that I know, just for this situation, which I should ask and follow her or him. 

Second, before seeing the doctor, look it up.  I checked with google and she told me the following:  

"Depending on the subject type given: 

Examples

Images

Books

Videos

News

Shopping

Maps

Perspectives

Flights

Finance

All filters

'Fewer' and 'Less'

It goes like this: fewer is used to refer to number among things that are counted, as in "fewer choices" and "fewer problems"; less is used to refer to quantity or amount among things that are measured, as in "less time" and "less effort."

per Meriam-Webster.

(posted by Dr. Jim 

http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com/?m=1 )"

I'm with you, probably thinking, "How does this fit my dilemma?"  Well try and see if one or the others sound like the one.  I relate this to making the selection of choices shown by the shoe salesperson, buy a pair that both fits and looks good FOR ME. 

I hope this helps, 

Dr. Jim, who has an answer, of sorts at least 

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Leaking Power Steering Pump

Dear Dr. Jim
 
MY POWERSTEERING HAS A HUGE LEAK. AND IVE BEEN FILLING IT AND KEPT DRIVING. IT STOPPED WORKING AND IS STILL Hard TO turn.
 
I was driving this morning and my car started making this squealing noise like the belt was squealing. Then it started to smoke and it still drives but I am not sure what is wrong with my Pontiac Grand Prix GT 2000, 3.8L.
 
Heather in Vegas Town

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Dear Heather
 
I am sorry to hear this, about the squealing and smoking.  Right away the squealing says that your power steering pump has frozen up.  Probably caused by driving your car when the pump is empty of oil.
 
The smoking is bad, bad.  Next your belt will break because of the friction that also caused the squealing.  By this time it probably has already broken and you were forced to get another power steering pump and a new belt. 
 
A suggestion about replacements.  First, always buy a new belt.  It will last a long time if nothing gets dry and freezes, causing belt friction when it slips.
 
Next though, you have three choices about finding a pump replacement.  Most times the ones you will get either from (1) the dealer or (2) an auto parts place will be a rebuilt pump.   This is perfectly okay, possibly better than the factory new pump.
 
Your third place (3) is from a 'junk yard', more likely called a "Used Auto Parts" business.  I like to find one still in the car as then I will better be able to evaluate its quality.   Try to find one that has recently been replaced.  Those won't be as greasy and messy as the older original ones. 

If you find one very recently replaced then probably the belt had also been replaced at that time and it will be almost as good as new.  This third option WILL BE A LOT CHEAPER, perhaps 1/4 to 1/3 of the rebuilt price.

Also negotiate with the junk yard that the pump should work and if it doesn't you will be allowed to find another one there or get a refund.

The sales person for every option here will want your old pump returned so it can be rebuilt.  If you haven't taken it off yet and can't bring it in right then they will charge you a CORE CHARGE.  That charge will be refunded to you when you get your old pump to the sales place.

I put a rebuild automatic transmission in my 1987 Chevy Tahoe pickup and it lasted longer than the original, still was going when I sold the truck.  I paid $50 for the transmission and $50 to a mechanic for labor of putting it in my truck.  Replacing it at the dealer would have cost me over $1500 for a rebuilt transmission job.  Prices are higher now than back in the late 1990's.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Jim
 
BTW, any time a car is leaking fluid you should find out the cause and have it corrected as soon as practical.  Often driving a car low in fluids can end up costing MUCH MORE than just fixing the leak. 

If it leaks or runs low on motor oil it could ruin the engine and you would have to buy a replacement using my three options that I gave for the water pump. 

YES, you can even buy a used engine at the 'junk yard'.  Same goes for most any replacement part.

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

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TV football watching -- Wife wants to deprive husband

Dear Dr. Jim

I am asking you to give your opinion about a problem my husband has.

He loves to watch football on TV. That leaves me and the kids alone in the kitchen without any TV to watch.

Please tell him how selfish he is.

Thanking you, TV Deprived Woman, Gloriad in Garland, Texas

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Dear Texas Gloriad

This something I hear a lot.

But woman, what is the problem with you getting off your kitchen duff and joining your husband? Give him some company watching his games. If you learned more about football you might even get to like it.

I see so many families who let the little children take over the TV. This makes no sense at all to me. Father works hard to buy it, when he is around and there is something decent for him to watch by all means let him watch.

Family time can be around the TV but all should submit the remote to Dad.

Sorry about this one, I hope it helps you. Dr. Jim

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Husband drinks directly from the serving bottle

Dear Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim, I have a problem. I hope you can help me with it.

My husband drinks from the milk bottle! Don't you think this is totally disgusting? I sure do.

I think really he was doing this before we were married but didn't' do it at first whenever I was watching him. At least his sister said he did.

Again, please help me.

Sterile Lady Agnes in Raleigh

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Dear Agnes

Well Ms. Sterile, I hate to burst your bubble but I have found that most men do this. They also take sips from the wine bottle before putting it in the frig. And some men just go to the refrigerator for a drink that way (like this guy).

One thing you might should agree on is to not drink out of a bottle that will be served to guests not a part of the family. This is for sanitary reasons. But within the family germs are passed around willy-nilly anyway.

You might also tell him in a nice way how it bothers you. That you hadn't seen people doing this before and maybe, would he not do it for your sake. If my wife did ask me to stop like that I probably would.

Perhaps our some of our readers might have ideas on this subject that would help you. Or make you feel better about him doing it.

I hope I have helped some,

Dr. Jim

A gentleman never drinks beer from a bottle at a restaurant, I might add as an etiquette tip (link, see slide # 10). Dr. Jim

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Why can't our dog do as it pleases? Reader wants to know

Dear Dr. Jim

I have a beef. Our subdivision is now requiring all dogs to be on a leash whenever they are off our own property.

Can they enforce this? My doggie, Fuffo, likes to do as he pleases.

Dogs should be free advocate, Muffie in Redland.

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Dear Muffie

Your question has a simple answer, no. NO.

They only way this could be enforced is if your deed restrictions give the subdivision leaders the authority to do this.

All you have to do is show them that you moved there for the freedom of your dog. And that you have read the deed restrictions which are silent (are you sure they are silent?) about freedom of dogs. And that the deed restrictions don't give them authority to control your dogs.

Then tell them you will sue if they continue to harass you about poor little Fuffo.

Notwithstanding all the above, the county or city will have authority to regulate the conduct of all your dogs off your private property.

Incidentally, I am a dog lover myself. We have a beagle, Adi our hound dog, and a toy poodle named Katrin (she's French). They are basically free but for their own protection we always use a leash when walking them.

I hope this helps you and Fuffo,

Dr. Jim

Read about Adi, our hound dog beagle, here.
Read about Katrin, our French toy poodle, here.


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Husband just wants a wife for a house and kid keeper

Dear Dr. Jim

I really hated to write to you but my husband says that I must. He thinks you can help me.

So here is my problem. I just hate to get out of bed in the morning.

Hubby gets up at 5:30 every morning and jumps in the shower. Then he makes himself some breakfast and reads the paper. At 8:30 he heads off to work. On weekends every thing is an hour earlier and then he goes with his buddies all day to play golf.

He wants me to get up with him. I can't see any reason why. All there is for me to do is house and garden work and take care of the kids. I do have a nice outside job in the afternoon.

Sleep Deprived Sally in South Minneapolisville

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Dear Sally

It sounds to me like you don't have a life. Let us figure out how you might get one and stay married. (That may be an oxymoron.) Your situation appears to be more than a sleep problem.

I hate to say it, but it appears that your hubby has done 'family organization' as so many men in this world do, so you aren't alone. Done like in 'done deal.' But you didn't seem to be dealing, rather you were probably passive in this arrangement.

He sees it like this:

His duties are his job, eat, play golf. In that order.

He wants you to do house work, keep the kids. You might be lucky here as a lot of men want cooking and attention for themselves from the wife as well.

Since he had you write to me, then he may be open to this idea. You two sit down and rearrange your whole lives.

Make a general written daily schedule and put time for each other in that.

Next rearrange the activities. He should be doing chores after work, and if he insists on getting up that early he has an hour and a half or so do do chores in the morning, the kind that don't wake the rest of the family up.

In the last half hour of his morning chore time you make breakfast for him, the kids, and you. The kids can eat with you sometimes, others they can eat and run. It is important that at breakfast he have your company rather than the paper. Please do remember those kids can share in the family chores too if they are not already doing this.

In the evening let him prepare meals every other day or so. Regardless of whose turn to make supper, have family time during the meal. I hope the kids will sit down then too but that may be expecting too much. AND NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD ARGUE AT MEAL TIME, save that for someplace else in your schedule.

Remember this is just a start, you two will have to work out more. If things like this seem to give new hope to everyone, keep working on it.

If you can't get anything changed the go see a marriage counselor. Be prepared for divorce, he really isn't married right now, he is just living there having a good life. You then may have to get a full time job but with alimony and child support you will have about two thirds of his paycheck to live on.

I hope this helps and that hubby will cooperate, and that you can start getting more sleep,

Dr. Jim

Some resource reading:

Family chore chart ideas

Cooking for men ideas

Revitalize the marriage ideas


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How to share the family computer -- husband out if now, not of his choosing

Dear Dr. Jim

I sure do need your help. My wife hogs the computer here, and if she lets it loose the kids grab hold.

We can't afford two so mostly I am in the lurch. Once in a while I call in sick so that I can get on the computer during the day.

Other times I throw a fit (it would be a tantrum if I were a kid) about it and they all feel guilty. So then I may get to use it a little until they settle down and start begging with me for THEIR computer.

I really am missing my computer games and visiting with my FaceBook friends.

Please help me, Dr. Jim,

Andy in Andersonville, Arkansas

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Dear Andy (really AAA, huh?)

Well now, you have gotten yourself into a mess, haven't you.

Really now, we could see this coming since you are all bound to just the one computer. Unfortunately you have drawn the short straw and are pretty much left out of the rotation.

Our solution is to get you back into the rotation. You must call a family conference and ANNOUNCE that you also need some prime time computer time.

It would help if Mrs. Andy will support you in this. You can ANNOUNCE to her as well but things will go a lot easier for all if she approves ahead of time.

Here is what you do:

1. Divide the evening hours that you all have into 30-minute segments on a piece of paper. Keep in mind that some of the children may have earlier bed times than others and than you adults.

2. Have everyone write their preferences in time for all the slots, from one (1) to as many as you have in common.

3. Start at square number one and write the names of those who want this early time. Mrs. Andy may not want these early ones if she is going to prepare supper. THIS MAY BE THE TIME WHEN YOU SHARE--FROM HERE ON--IN THE PREPARATION OF MEALS to give her some prime time for reading her e-mails and the like.

4. In a hat, place the name token (that you have made for each) for those desiring this time. If possible let someone who has not wanted this time to draw. The name drawn will get the time.

5. Leave the name just drawn out and put in anyone else whose token is not in from the last drawing. Remove any one's who does not want this time. Let a person who is not in the hat draw. The person who won the last drawing would be good for this.

6. Repeat the process until all slots have names assigned. Easy way to do this, cross out everyone except the winner where they first wrote. You could have a fresh schedule but this leads to problems of one's word against the other about mistakes.

7. Put the all the name tokens back into the hat when it becomes empty. Watch that the distribution of times is equal until the kids start going to bed.

8. Repeat steps 5, 6, and 7 for all the days of the week. Weekends may be on hold until everyone's weekend schedule of activities is firmed up.

Some notes:

It will be obvious that the ones with later bedtimes get more time. Make sure that those with early bed times get their share until they go to bed.

You might want to start a family kitty for another computer. Put in everyone's spare change or a portion of it. Add an assessment of a portion of jobs and allowances, sort of like an income tax. You could have a lawn sale or do all sorts of things to get money.

I did not mention the kid's homework. Give compensation time for when they are not in the drawing because of homework. If some of the homework is to be done on the computer a priority can be had for this. You should watch over to keep them honest (part of their family training) to be doing only homework.

You and Mrs. Andy can each stop in briefly at the library if you pass near one so that you can get e-mail. You probably won't have time to answer, this can be done in your computing time.

A lot of people are doing the previously mentioned e-mail checking at computers at their work. Most firms don't care if privileges are not abused as this activity on company time and resources improves moral.

Hope this has helped you out of your problem, it really was/is a family problem.

Dr. Jim

A Colombo: I purposely referenced the AAA in my greeting because my idea for the solution to the computer time situation is similar to the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) approach to problem drinking.

And you, staying home from work just to play and use the computer. Talk about addictions, you need to think about this one. Dr. Jim

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Picky husband won't drink milk past its sell by date

Dear Dr. Jim

This is a small problem to my hubby and probably is small potatoes to you. But to me it supper tubers. Dr. Jim, please Google that (I did it here) for the uninformed.

Our problem doesn't involve potatoes today, it is about milk.

My hubby will not drink mild past its sell by date. I say drink it until it tastes or smells bad. Who is right.

Not so picky Jane in Kansas

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Dear N.S. Picky Jane

I hate to tell you this but there isn't any correct answer or set rule. So you drink the old stuff until it seems bad. Hubby should buy new milk when the old milk reaches the 'sell by date.'

I think my readers might have some stories to tell as to what they do about this.

In fact one lady says the milk is fine even when sour. She puts some vinegar in hers to make it taste like butter milk.

Hope this answer suits you fine,

Dr. Jim


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Left over turkey too much for 'gonged' Mississippi cook

Dear Dr. Jim

Oh dear Mr. Jim, I've got a problem. A turkey problem. About 10 turkeys problem, almost.

You see I had invited my family and extended family and some neighbors over for Thanksgiving. I prepared for about 85 guests because that's how many invitations I sent or had called, roughly.

Trouble is that only a dozen came, or so.

Now what do I do with all the turkey I have left over. I made a dozen because my Betty Cr*cker recipe said 'one turkey for every seven eaters'. So I made a dozen of those birds. That is how I figure there are ten left as those twelve who came probably ate about two if Betty Cr*cker was right, or nearly right.

So Dr. Jim, I need your help with disposing of all these turkeys, literally as food you see.

Gonged in Mississippi

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Dear Gonged

Well, I hope you didn't get 'gonged', in actuality.

First of all, if you didn't stick them in the fridge within a half hour after the meal, THROW THEM ALL AWAY! Turkeys are one of the fastest spoiling foods known.

Now, if you still have them and didn't throw them out because they weren't refrigerated then you should freeze all but a half of one for the time being.

If you can do that, eat the half one as leftovers and save the rest for Christmas.

With the half one, I would suggest turkey sandwiches, turkey tacos, turkey tarts with blue cheese, turkey pizza, turkey soup, turkey casserole, turkey hamburger, turkey BLT, etc. I do not like leftover turkey except for the first day when I will eat a turkey breast sandwich with mayo and lettuce.

I will eat turkey noodle soup but only if I make it myself. Use your Betty Cr*cker recipe for that. You will have to substitute turkey meat for the chicken in the chicken noodle soup recipe.

I hope this helps. If your freezer isn't big enough then give one each turkey to your friendly neighbors to keep until you are ready to use/eat it.

Dr. Jim

One more tidbit, like closing the barn door after all the pigs have run out, but I'll tell you anyway. Next time, find out to a person or so who is coming and who won't.

A good rule to go by here is for every four people you invite one will come. That would have given you 21 to come. Your twelve is a little off my rule. You had one to come of every seven you invited.

Invite and ask of them, written in the invitation, to RSVP yes or no. That is what the manners books say to do--it keeps the pigs in the barn.

Dr. Jim





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How often should he change his underwear (he won't change them)

Dear Dr. Jim

Houston, we have a problem.

My husband won't change his underwear. He says he will change it, when it gets embarrassing sized holes.

For sure I want him to have nice looking underwear, how can I get him to change?

Clean Lady in Utah

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Dear Clean Lady

Oh my goodness, at first I misunderstood you. I thought that hubby was wearing his underwear even when it got dirty until he wore holes in it.

Now I see, you want him to change out his underwear before it gets to looking to bad.

I doubt he has changed his habits much since you married him, so you will just have to live with him the way he is. STOP TRYING TO CHANGE HIM. He won't and he will resent you for working on him like you do.

If you want to blame someone you can blame his mother. He probably never changed his underwear out. Or changed it for clean for that matter. I was that way.

Mom would get my used underwear whether dirty or not each night after I went to bed. She would lay out clean underwear for me to put on the next morning along with my other clean clothes. I just thought that was something moms did.

And she would buy me new underwear before it ever got holes in it. Even when we were dirt poor.

When I left home I remember her telling me to be sure not to wear holey underwear just in case I would get into an accident and have to go to the hospital.

Hospitals seem to like nice looking underwear so I came to understand, and to this day if I am driving I put on good underwear. I wear the holey ones around the house and when doing yard work, etc.

Now for you. Buy him new underwear. My estimate is that it should be changed every year to have it looking nice. Just take his old underwear and put in new.

For years Mrs. Jim did that for me. Until we retired, now it is up to me. I must say I don't always put fresh on each morning and some of them have really bad holes. And that is the price you will keep on paying unless you take matters into your own hands.

I hope this helped.

Dr. Jim

Here are some references for you on changing out underwear, wearing clean underway every day, and holey underwear.



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Learning how to ride a bicycle

Dear Dr. Jim

This is almost embarrassing, but here goes with my problem!

I am a grown lady, somewhere between ages 35 and 70. Doggone it all to Heck, but I have forgotten how to ride a bicycle. My grandkids want me to ride with them and I just plain have forgotten how.

Can you give me help on learning how to ride a bicycle, please!

Very frustrated Little Biker-chick Lady


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Dear L' Biker-chick Lady

This is certainly exceedingly bad, especially in your case with the grandkids.

I hope this will help you some, let's think about a few ways for you to relearn this precious skill.

How old are your grandkids? I ask because if they are almost teenagers or older they very well may have taught some younger one how to ride. Of course if they don't know of your dilemma this would be embarrassing for you to ask.

When in doubt, it is always a safe bet to ask your preacher if you have one. I DID DETECT SOME ALMOST CUSSING IN YOUR LETTER, this may not be an option for you. Those guys are asked to help all the time in ways you could not even imagine. And if they themselves haven't taught riding, they can find another clergy who could.

Go to the library and check out a book on Learning to Ride a Bicycle. THE LATE BLOOMER’S REVOLUTION: A MEMOIR, By Amy Cohen, Hyperion, 288 pages, $23.95 is great. Try Amazon.com or your favorite bookseller if you want to buy it. Read a review here. See, you aren't alone in this predicament.

Here is a device to help you learn. (link to video) You install it on your bike's front wheels. Made mostly to help teach kids but it works for all, it sells for about $39.95.

I have probably given you something helpful here. Generally it comes naturally after you learn--and instinct takes over really soon--to turn into the way the bike wants to tip.

Have your bandaids and Iodine ready. Bye for now, your frustrations will soon be over.

Please give me some feed back on this,

Dr. Jim



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Pyromania? Arson? -- L.A. firebug wishes he wasn't one. -- Good? Bad? Right? Wrong? Who knows?

Dear Dr. Jim

Doctor, I hope you can help me. I have this fear that I am a firebug waiting to happen.

Almost every day I play with matches and several butane lighters that I have collected. I light candles for no reason, I am not even religious. I burn my trash in the backyard at times when no one is watching.

My wife gave me such a hard time that now I do all this in secret. She threatened to leave me if I didn't 'straighten up.'

Likes Fire Horace in La La Land.

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OK, and O O, L.F. Bad news for you, you may be a latent pyromaniac.

I did check on firebugs a little because I actually hadn't dealt with any so far in my career.

The law is very hard on firebugs if they start a fire of a public building or property belonging to another. The crime is arson which carries a stiff prison sentence as a penalty. Here are links to a couple of old New York Times articles concerning this crime of arson. Link 1 Link 2 Each makes interesting reading.

Pyromania is the name for having an irresistible impulse to start fires. There has been controversy about whether the condition arises from mental illness or moral deficiency. Psychiatrists have been working on determination of which one.

Please read this article very carefully: [Wikipedia].

I am 99.999% certain that it can be either. At any rate, watch yourself and try to curb your fire setting. Moral deficiency means you are not using good judgement about the difference between good and bad. This can be straightened out and your wife has the right ideas concerning this situation.

On the other hand if it is due to a mental illness situation professional (psychiatric in nature) can certainly help you. Almost all mental situations can either be cured, modified, or curbed with help of proper care.

Whichever your situation, if the behavior continues to the extent of committing arson, help is often lacking or minimal in the crowded confinement institutions (prisons). And in your case I almost hope it is a mental area where you lack the ability to determine right from wrong as this is actually easier for the professional to cope with.

I hope this helps you to see the need get help very soon. Check with a professional for help right away before it is too late.

Dr. Jim

Oh yes, please leave your matches and lighters before you come to my house.

Don't take your fire to town son
Leave your fire at home O.F.
Don't take your fire to town

Johnny Cash song link.

Dr. Jim




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Lap top computer battery charge question by 'Scared To Not Pull the Plug'

Dear Dr. Jim

I was in the Office Outpost office supply store yesterday and overheard the sales clerk talking with a customer.

He stated that the battery in the lap top computer the man was thinking of buying should be disconnected when charged and the computer was on AC power from the plug.

My husband says that is all malarkey as the new NiCad technology used in the rechargeable batteries can be left plugged in all the time.

Who is correct?

Scared To Not Pull the Plug, Tabby in Hoboken

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Dear Scared To Not Pull

You husband is almost correct this time. There was a time when lap tops used NiCad rechargeable batteries. They developed a memory as to where 'total discharge' was. Invariably this was wherever the batteries were charged from the last time.

Modern laptop batteries are Lithium Ion (LiIon) and will not be significantly overcharged and will not develop a memory if allowed to charge fully after battery operation.

They are very much subject to overcharging, but the modern lap top has electronic circuitry to carefully keep the batteries at optimum performance and prevent overcharging. LiIon's are not subject to memory characteristics to a great extent. [Reference link]

Periodically this circuitry needs to be recalibrated. Check your computer manual for the procedure on this or call the appropriate tech support line for your lap top. The above reference gives generic directions for the recalibrating effort.

You might do that store a favor by telling them and e-mailing them with this. And a copy of this Ask Dr. Jim (blog) session.

I hope this helped,

Dr. Jim

Some other battery tidbits:
°°°°Each computer is engineered for a certain battery. You should not place just any old battery that will fit into your computer. Buy what the lap top manufacturer requires.
°°°°Be sure to buy lithium ion batteries for your digital camera, most are AA cells. You should also get a charger made especially for the LiIon batteries.
°°°°[Here is a link for you Toyota Prious owners about overcharging your battery. It won't happen.]


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Her kid hates going to the barber - "Barber Shop Blues"

Dear Dr. Jim

My son, now age five is totally freaked out everytime he gets in the chair for a haircut. He acts like the barber is going to kill him everytime he goes.

Poor poor boy! This has been gong on now for two years and he stills freaks out every time he gets haircut.

He just had his haircut for this year last night and same reaction, the barber got so nervous because my son screamed and squealed as if the barber is going to end this poor boy's life.

What am I to do?

Freaked out too, Mom in the Augusta burbs

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Dear Freaked out Mom in the burbs

First thing, little boys should have their hair cut more than once a year. Shame on you, that is something you have control of.

He is old enough after two years of terror to make some choices so why not let him participate?

Try offering to cut his hair. It isn't that hard, while you are learning on him he will be looking better and better as the both of you progress.

His other choice would to act like a BIG BOY and stop all this fussing but go to the barber.

Talk with him to see what it is he doesn't like. Some kids have been pinched or otherwise frightened by the barber.

If that or other ilk has happened, offer to take him to a new barber, but only if he won't fuss. If he fusses, it is Mom in the burbs doing the cutting for years and years!

Hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

One more word here. I am the father of five children, I could never have been able to put with behavior like your kid is exhibiting. If there are no problems, then he is just getting attention. If necessary, I would give my kids the Wood Shed Cure, you may need to try that. Google that term if it is a strange one for you.



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"How do we determine a competent professional?" asks a reader in South H.

Dear Dr. Jim


Very frequently, you advise that people seek professional help. But many of us have lost faith in the professional community because of the many reports of their members' ineptitudes.

So how do we determine a competent professional?

Ray asked from South H.


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Dear Ray

Here are some rules about finding a competent professional:

1. Talk with your friends. They may know of some good professionals in the area you wish, or they may have had personal experience with some. Remember, you are looking for good points and bad points, no one, not even a professional, is perfect.
Note also that this makes you vulnerable, your friends will be asking (perhaps not to your face), 'why is Ray concerned with finding a good professional?'
I generally work around this problem by talking in disguised content, like 'my friend--a name you make up--is trying to find ...'

2. Make an appointment. Your gut feeling and instincts are good here. If you feel uneasy tell the person you think you will be getting several opinions.
Don't hurt the professional's feelings here. I once told an ear doctor who was having trouble diagnosing the ringing in my ears that 'it was all in my head, right?' That doc got mad, left the room and slammed the door on his way out. That was the end for us two.
He couldn't take a joke, at least not this one!

3. Do you realize you are writing a book of your life? Many don't. So is your professional, try to read his or hers the best you can.

The first volume is the e-mail log. Big brother can find those old risqué e-mailings and use them for evidence. Just look at our astronauts here in Houston and the poor District Attorney. Each of them have lost their jobs because of what was said (real steamy stuff) on cyber-space.


The second volume is in what you see on your computer. Not everyone can boast that they always watch and read just the good stuff. When I run into something on an acquaintance's blog or e-mail that is in poor taste, I remark to them that I had a hard time bringing it up. That I had to override my kiddie filter. Most times they will appologize and promise to straighten up some. Other times, they just Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: it without reading to the bottom. I did this once, to my own kids. It was embarassing, the punchline, which I didn't read, was not good.

The third volume of your book is compiled from your check book and credit card transaction records.

The latter tells where your practical values are. The first two reflect upon your moral life.

There is a saying, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Here and Luke 12:34)

4. Check with the professional registry. For example, the State Bar of Texas has on their Web site, after a search for a given attorney, all disciplinary actions taken against the lawyer for a period of ten years. Many other professionals have registries similar.

5. Be sure to check on your state on-line Sexual Preditor Search Registry (link) (Texas). You can search for problems here by entering the professional's home address. While you're at it, do a check on your own address to find any of those preditors who might be living near you and your children.

My list in not nearly comprehensive enough, but I feel it is a good start for you.

And as always, I hope I have helped you, Ray, and all the others who read these pages.

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Dr. Jim also tells us here:

... where a persons treasure is, there ...

Three indicators of what is important to you

e-mails and computer use
credit card use
checkbook





So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
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Her cat pees on the furniture -- reader is "annoyed"

Dear Dr. Jim

I'm having a problem with my Elmer, my cat. He is peeing on the furniture and all over the place, just hauls off and goes where he wants.

Last night was the last straw. I came home from the mall and guess what? He had peed on my jacket, my new and exotic Clara S. Zebra Jacket.

Now it smells to high Heaven. The cleaners say they can take out the stain but not the smell.

Annoyed by Elmer, Elma in Princeton

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Dear Annoyed

I can't stress to much here, the cat must stop it or go. He is creating a terribly unsanitary condition. You didn't say if you have kids but if you do they should be evacuated immediately! Cat pee in furniture is hazardous to health.

If he is going in just certain spots, you can try a good cat repellent. Most pet stores carry that. You have to spray every day in the places they go.

You might be interested in that I had a cat get into my pickup truck one night. That cat must have been drinking gallons. My leather jacket could not be redeemed, all her pee had saturated the lining. Your cleaner is right.

Another suggestion we used with a cat that kept climbing the draperies. That cat became an OUTSIDE CAT real fast!

"'Inappropriate elimination' is the No. 1 cat behavior problem. Betsy Lipscomb, founder of Cats International, a volunteer organization that provides free telephone counseling for desperate cat owners, told me that of the almost 5,000 calls she gets a year, nearly 90 percent are related to out-of-the-box soiling. It is the most common reason cats are turned in to shelters, where the likelihood is minuscule that a Persian cat who pees on the Persian carpet will find a new home." Me Against the Cat Pee By Emily Yoffe, Slate.

According to Ms. Lipscomb, having a clean and desirable litter box will solve 80% of the problems. Check it out to see if you are filling Elmer's bill here.

Incidentally, the Slate article is a rather old, but humorous, story about a cat who had Elmer's problems. I doubt if the article will help you much but a laugh always does some good some way.

I hope this has helped a little, why don't you try Google for more solutions.

I don't mean to scold, but had your jacket been hanging in the closet it would be fine today.








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Cat Pee Pee Cat Advice Cat Advice

Why do Tigers eat and kill? Why do rabbits run? Kate wants a tiger and a rabbit for pets -- they won't cooperate, she knows!

Dear Dr. Jim

I've been confused. For a long time I have wanted a Tiger for a pet. And a little cotton-tail rabbit. But the rabbits all run from me and I've heard lately of deaths from ferocious tigers.

Why aren't these animals nice, playful, and docile like my cats?

Oh yes, to help you, they were all couped up with Noah on that ark and he didn't have any problems with the wild animals.

Animal Lover Kate in Pretoria, Indiana

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Dear Kate

I would suggest you not have either of those animals, nor any other wild animal as pets.

Yes, they were with Noah. They were friends of his, they all coexisted very nicely. That was back then.

Modern wild animals, ever since they departed the ark, have an inherent fear of people. Let's look at that for a moment.

Did Noah eat them for food while on the ark? No. Noah and his family were vegetarians.

Then, it all hit the fan! God said: "Noah, you can eat these animals. They will be ok for food!" He further went on and said to the animals, "I want you to fear all people from now on, because they will kill you and eat you." (see note below)

From that day on it changed. The larger animals tried to retaliate, they would kill man if they could to protect themselves from being eaten. Those who couldn't harm man became afraid of him and would run.

So now you know why tigers kill and rabbits run when you get too close.

I hope this helped.



Notes: Genesis 9:2-3 (Bible):
2 The fear and dread of you will fall upon all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air, upon every creature that moves along the ground, and upon all the fish of the sea; they are given into your hands.
3 Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.
[The entire account of Noah and the ark, the animals, and the flood can be found in Genesis, Chapters 7, 8, and 9 (link)]


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Noah and the ark Animals Flood Noah's ark Tigers Vegetarian Ark Noah

Lost dog can't be returned to owner in Bean Town

Dear Dr. Jim

I have a terrible problem. It involves my dog, my lawyer, and a cockeyed judge. The lawyer must not be too good either.

So I see you are an attorney, or at least have a law degree. Perhaps you can tell me what to do.

My dog, Spoofy, is a lovely white Pekingese (pictures) but she ran away a few of months ago while we were in the park. I put ads in the papers, nailed signs on trees (got a ticket for doing that, cost me fifty bucks) and would sit in the park every day and call Spoofy.

One day, I hear Spoofy answering me with a sorrowful bark that only Spoofy can muster. Sure enough it was Spoofy with a little old lady in tow on a purple leash. Spoofy wanted to come over to me so bad, but the little old lady wouldn't let her.

I told her politely that this was my lost dog, Spoofy. The lady said "No way. This is Buffy, she has been my dog for ages, I bought her." Well, that was a lie, and she knew it. But she wouldn't let me have Spoofy. We actually ended up yelling at each other.

Now, to make a long story short, I found who she was and sued her in Small Claims Court to get little Spoofy back. My lawyer said I didn't need a lawyer in that court, but could I prove Spoofy was my dog? Well sure, she had this scar where she got hit by a car six years ago.

The court decided it was Spoofy, but said it was powerless to make this little old lady give her back. But not to mind, the law was firm in this area, and to my benefit.

Poop! My benefit was $125 as the value of a Pekingese nine years old. And the cockeyed judge made her pay me. I wasn't about to take that money, told them where to put it, and said I would appeal.

Poop again! My crazy and ill informed lawyer said I couldn't get the dog back but that I should have taken the money as that was the best I could get.

A very disturbed Spoofy Mama in Bean Town

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Dear Spoofy Mama

This is indeed a misfortunate situation. It is even worse that you can't get your little Spoofy back.

Here is the legal background from where-in-after the judge got his decision. If Spoofy had been stolen, for certain you could have had Spoofy back. And if the thief had hocked her, the pawn shop would have to give her back to you. Spoofy is (was) yours.

However, this is not the case. I talked with the judge and with your lawyer. They both agree the dog Spoofy ran away and was not stolen. The law here dates way back to the English law, before the Boston Tea Party. You know all about that as it happened there in Bean Town.

Run away dogs become the property of a person who bought them from their finder. You could have gotten her back from the finder. The generally accepted rule, "finders, keepers, losers weepers" only applies if the true owner can not be found.

However, if a person in good faith buys this property things lost from the finder, even if it might be a pet dog, the purchaser is now the true owner.

Think of it this way. If you buy something from someone, you want to believe it is yours. You paid good money for it. But you say, I am the owner, Spoofy is mine.

No more in the eyes of the law. There are two innocent parties here, you and the LOL (little old lady). Which is the MORE INNOCENT? You, who couldn't control your dog and let her run away, or the LOL who paid good money thinking she was honestly getting a nice dog lawfully?

Obviously, the LOL. I am sorry Spoofy Mama, but your lawyer and the judge are correct here.

A couple of things you might do. First would to see if a local TV reporter would put it on the news about what a bum deal you got and how much you love poor little Spoofy. Maybe public pressure will make the finder pay the LOL for a new dog and buy Spoofy back for you. If this had been a dog kennel for sure they wouldn't want this bad publicity.

Another idea. Make friends with the LOL. Ask her to forgive you for hollering at her. Tell her how much you really love little Spoofy and could you visit her now and then? At least you will get to see her. And since you didn't take the money, perhaps at some time the LOL will feel sorry for you and let Spoofy come back to you.

I hope this helps a little bit.






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Welcome

Welcome to the new "Ask Dr. Jim" (blog)!

I am really excited about this as it will be a 2nd anniversary blog.

.
JIM'S LITTLE BLOG was created December 1, 2006, 1st anniversary blog.

JIM'S LITTLE PHOTO PLACE was created first December 1, 2007.

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Please feel free to check those out at any time.

This blog is a response blog, where I will only respond to questions readers and/or acquaintances have.

Disclaimer:

1. NOTHING IN THIS BLOG SHOULD BE RELIED UPON WHERE YOUR SAFETY, FINANCES, OR LOVE LIFE MAY BE AFFECTED.

2. IT IS INTENDED FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF QUESTIONERS AND READERS ONLY.

3. EVERYTHING, INCLUDING MATERIAL WRITTEN BY DR. JIM AND HIS PHOTOS SUBMITTED IN THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT BY JIMMIEHOV, A.K.A. JIM OR DOCTOR NAME AND MY REAL NAME WHICH IS NOT DISCLOSED HEREIN. THOSE ITEMS WHICH OBVIOUSLY ARE NOT JIM'S MATERIALS BELONG TO THEIR CREATOR AND MAY BE COPYRIGHT BY THOSE PERSONS OR ENTITIES.

4. ANY PERSON OR ENTITY RELYING ON THE ADVICE HEREIN WILL HOLD DR. JIM (AND ALIAS) HARMLESS AND NO LIABILITY TO THAT PERSON OR ENTITY WILL ENSUE.

5. DR. JIM RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DELETE AND COMMENT NOT DEEMED BY HIM TO BE IN PROPER ETHICS OR MORALS. DR. JIM HAS SEVERAL JUVENILE READERS, SO PLEASE ASK YOURSELF "WOULD YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE READING MATERIAL LIKE THIS?"

6. IN KEEPING WITH ITEM # 5 ABOVE, DR. JIM WILL EMPLOY COMMENT MODERATION ON THIS BLOG.

Having said that, please feel free to pose questions for Dr. Jim.

Some favorite topics I (Dr. Jim) like to deal with concern the following subjects:
Marital life;

Dogs, especially about Adi ;
Pets in general care advice;

Biblical questions; and
Automobile and other mechanical advice.

There may be many other areas where you might decide will make for cleaver reading by the readers.

If your question stumps Dr. Jim that will be a very good thing. It shows that Dr. Jim really doesn't know everything.

Now get to asking questions. Please do this by leaving a comment. Your inquiry will be e-mailed directly to Dr. Jim before publication here. IF YOU DO NOT WISH YOUR COMMENT DISPLAYED, PLEASE TELL ME THIS IN YOUR COMMENT.

Dr. Jim will answer questions from anonymous comments but priority will be given to those persons who identify themselves. You may identify yourself with a reliable blog address or e-mail address which I belief belongs to you.
.


If you are really in a hurry try Google or Wikipedia. Those places are where I find a lot of my help.

There may be other rules that develop as we go along.

NOW, GET TO ASKING!!