Friday, May 30, 2008
Wife left, what can he have?
Dear Dr. Jim
This is very simple, but I need an answer fast!
My wife is leaving me and she wants most of our stuff. What can she have? To be nice I have let her have the seven kids, but now she want so much more.
Looking to be single, Pat in Woe Land
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Guy, bone up! Any wife that has seven kids is deserving a loving husband, for sure you probably were mainly thinking of only one kind of love. [Hint: read 'the five kinds of love' (link) and try always in your relationships to maintain the proper balance of these]
It isn't too late to change, but I doubt your wife will come back. So, try to love her for the person she is, the mother of those seven kids, and don't cause any grief.
Start first in a loving manner (remember, the kids will benefit too) by giving her most of your worldly possessions. With seven kids the judge won't let you keep much anyway.
My best advice is for you both to have a good lawyer. Come to an agreement quickly, don't run up your legal fees over 'stuff' arguments.
Here is a list of things most women let the husband have, followed by my experience for each:
1. The dog or other pet. I didn't get either!
2. Your car or truck. I did get that, it was a '62 VW bug. She got the nice station wagon (remember it is for the kids too!).
3. The debts and bills. I got all of those, most credit cards were maxed and the store cards had high balances. I did get them all paid off, you can too.
4. The TV. Yes, I got the old one out in the garage.
5. Your tools. I got those.
6. Your ring. I had lost my ring in Dam B Lake (link) several years before. 'Nuf said.
This list came from a TV program, but it was a survey of 100 women and gives a fairly accurate idea of the generous thinking of those ladies.
Think about things, be realistic and loving still (but rebalance those five kinds of love now since you won't be married any more--i.e. nil on the Eros) and best of all, GET HAPPY and move to Happy Land, which is far away from your Woe Land.
I hope this helps, always,
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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