Dear Dr. Jim
Please, Dr. Jim, I need help FAST!
My husband has uncontrollable rage when he gets on his computer and uses the Internet with his (sic) glob.
He is prone to violent 'madness,' the doctor and I made him stop driving because he had the worst case of road rage ever. It is a wonder no one got killed then.
I am open to any suggestions.
Harried Wife in Kudzu Tennessee
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Dear H. W.
I feel really sorry for your predicament, but more sorrowfully yet for your dear hubby. Having rage is like being an alcholic or having cancer, one can control it but it can never be cured.
He is working with BLOGS, not GLOBS. Blogs are mainly a social network of online friends, some are political (or other favorite cause like religion, etc) in nature. Actually Ask Dr. Jim (blog) is a blog.
Let's get to it.
First, is he ever violent towards you? You don't seem worried but if it happens leave immediately until you two get professional help.
Second, I am a firm believer that there is such a thing as BLOG RAGE. This is a relatively new phenomenon, mainly because blogs are so new.
Third, you should consult a professional again, probably the one he trusts who worked with you both in the road rage situation.
Fourth, I believe you and the doctor may have to take away the keys to his computer (literally there aren't keys, so cut the plug off) of his computer away from him like you did the car.
Fifth, please read some online items about the newest of rages, blog rage (click here). I have found about 6,780 articles for you and the other readers. [For some articles about controlling road rage, click here.]
Please get action very soon before someone does get hurt.
Dr. Jim.
p.s. H. W, you are invited to keep on reading stuff on your computer, it is a wonderful learning tool. Perhaps this drastic action I suggested may not be necessary or at least not be permanent. Leave that to the doctor/professional.
Writing the blog(s) helps him keep his mind going, just pray he gets it going in the right direction. Dr. Jim
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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Dear Dr. Jim
My wife is always late. She is late for everything we do or that she does alone.
I have tried every kind of measures that I can think of and nothing changes.
Even for church she will be so late that we come when the offering is being taken up. If we have a reservation, we will invariably be 20 to 40 minutes late.
I have been fed up with this for years now, it is driving me crazy, and, ... Well we won't go into that here.
Please, oh please, Dr. Jim, I need your advice.
Late Husband, Paul, in Pascagoula
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Dear L.H. Paul
Lateness can be a chronic problem which should be addressed.
You scared me for a moment when you called yourself "Late Husband." Do you know what that means?
You remind me of a widowed preacher who told a would be match maker that he just wanted a 'one night stand.' The woman asked him, "Sir, do you know what that means?" His reply was, "Well, maybe not."
Let me ask you something: could you put up with being late for another four or so years? Answer that question and you will see how badly you really dislike this situation your wife has placed you in.
I will let you draw your own conclusions about putting up some more. It may not be just her fault, exam youself and your conduct here.
There is another set of questions that need to be answered. Knowing these will help you tackle this objectively.
Does you wife know of your disdain for her being late? Does she try to be on time? Does she make silly excuses to you for why she is being late? How does she explain her tardiness to others who are affected?
There are a few solutions I generally suggest the couple trying. None are very awful good, try more than one idea:
1. Go off and leave her.
2. Put a bad conduct list on the refrigerator. One column for every member of the family. Then anyone make an entry when they think another is bad.
3. Have a separate car for your wife .
4. Check this link, have your wife check it if she is willing. (link)
5. From the first on the above Web site, Penelope Trunk, I like #5 (link).
"Be honest with yourself. Why do you let yourself be late? It is disrespectful and makes you look unorganized and out of control. Why are you not getting control over your time. So much about being on time is actually about self-knowledge. Often, we are scared to make the decisions that we must make in order to get control over our time and become someone who runs on schedule. But there is no other way to run a life. To run on schedule is to plan the life you want to live and execute that plan."
Just remember this and it may help you (again, from Penelope Trunk), "If you are a person who is always late, you will get in trouble. People who are always late think they are only sometimes late, so if you think you are sometimes late, you are probably in trouble."
Remember too, the daisies fade after a few days but their seed remains forever. (Dr. Jim's wisdom here) You can go a long way with this. So you two just get started on something constructive.
Speaking of long, this got long. I hope you can gleam a little,
Dr. Jim
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
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Dear Dr. Jim
Doctor, I hope you can help me. I have this fear that I am a firebug waiting to happen.
Almost every day I play with matches and several butane lighters that I have collected. I light candles for no reason, I am not even religious. I burn my trash in the backyard at times when no one is watching.
My wife gave me such a hard time that now I do all this in secret. She threatened to leave me if I didn't 'straighten up.'
Likes Fire Horace in La La Land.
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OK, and O O, L.F. Bad news for you, you may be a latent pyromaniac.
I did check on firebugs a little because I actually hadn't dealt with any so far in my career.
The law is very hard on firebugs if they start a fire of a public building or property belonging to another. The crime is arson which carries a stiff prison sentence as a penalty. Here are links to a couple of old New York Times articles concerning this crime of arson. Link 1 Link 2 Each makes interesting reading.
Pyromania is the name for having an irresistible impulse to start fires. There has been controversy about whether the condition arises from mental illness or moral deficiency. Psychiatrists have been working on determination of which one.
Please read this article very carefully: [Wikipedia].
I am 99.999% certain that it can be either. At any rate, watch yourself and try to curb your fire setting. Moral deficiency means you are not using good judgement about the difference between good and bad. This can be straightened out and your wife has the right ideas concerning this situation.
On the other hand if it is due to a mental illness situation professional (psychiatric in nature) can certainly help you. Almost all mental situations can either be cured, modified, or curbed with help of proper care.
Whichever your situation, if the behavior continues to the extent of committing arson, help is often lacking or minimal in the crowded confinement institutions (prisons). And in your case I almost hope it is a mental area where you lack the ability to determine right from wrong as this is actually easier for the professional to cope with.
I hope this helps you to see the need get help very soon. Check with a professional for help right away before it is too late.
Dr. Jim
Oh yes, please leave your matches and lighters before you come to my house.
Don't take your fire to town son
Leave your fire at home O.F.
Don't take your fire to town
Johnny Cash song link.
Dr. Jim
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
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Dear Dr. Jim
I am going through a change of life over this horrible situation.
Our daughter has dropped out of school and keeps atrocious hours. She seldom comes home before four in the morning anymore. When I ground her, she sneaks out the window.
Now besides her wild night life and working at the Chili King in the afternoons, she has pulled the last straw. She is engaged and will be married next week. Don't you thing a two week engagement is too short.
The young man she duped is very gullible and is a hard working fellow. I feel sorry for him.
Do you think marriage might cure her of her wayward ways?
Distraught Father in Georgia
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Dear D'd Father
You should be asking if I think that guy will keep her. You sure don't want her back!
That wasn't very nice of me to say, of course, all fathers want their daughters back if they aren't happy where they are. Mainly, fathers just want daughters to be happy.
I might add, this is the big problem here, daughter obviously isn't happy living a quiet family life at her house now. She has been looking for a change.
Sometimes change in a new beginning is all it takes to bring someone back to reality, and I might add, to their senses again.
I will wish all concerned the best. If this fellow and she hit it off this could be the marriage to end all! All of one bad life and the beginning of a new happy (married now) life again!
I hope this helps, just wait and see how it works out.
Dr. Jim
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)
Submit question or comment in privacy now To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.
(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)
To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.
