Thursday, April 10, 2008

How do people disappear? Fellow with wife, girlfriend, and reputation problems wants to know

Dear Dr. Jim

Well, I almost hate to write this for fear someone I know will read it.

But here goes. I want to disappear. Just plain drop out of site. Take out the trash Jack, and don't come back. No more, no more.

My wife has made life terrible for me, she even put a malicious report in our local paper! I swear I didn't have anything to do with that girl!

Yes, we work together and she would like to make homemaker trouble for me also. The crowning blow was after the girl bit me. What I didn't know was, after I got all the blood wiped off my ear and another friend put a band aid on it, that there was some lipstick still left.

Wouldn't you know, my wife found the lipstick smudge right in the middle of my ear. It wasn't close to the sore so it didn't get wiped off with the blood.

Please, Dr. Jim, could you help me hide out forever?

Seeking Asylum in Albany

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Dear Seeking

Your letter reminds me of the joke about "the pickle slicer who got fired too." It was funny, but very sad.

This is very hard on you, I can tell. Generally a loving wife will be terribly concerned when her husband comes home with injuries.

Your troubles are not insurmountable, but I cannot help you disappear. Dr. Kevorkian got eight years big time for helping people do that. (You might try this Google link for insight along with about 9,970,000 others asking your question.)

Are you trying to go to Albany to hide and disappear? Or do you live there and want to go somewhere else?

It does sound pretty suspicious to have the lipstick in the middle of your ear. A person can hardly do their biting in the middle of the ear. Even I would suspect how it got there.

You picked a poor choice for your fling, one who wanted to play for keeps instead of settling for second fiddle.

You should have looked in a mirror for several reasons, mostly to check the bandaging efforts of your other friend. The lipstick would have been evident then.

If you love your wife, then ask for forgiveness and please get your home life straightened out.

Then if wife hangs around still, learn to avoid as many of the above problem areas we have picked out as you can.

Or how about a motorcycle to fill your spare time? They don't leave lipstick or get you into so much trouble at home.

And just in principle, wipe your ears whenever you stop for an after hour pick-me-up.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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Putz said...

actually this same thing happened to me once, so i can respond.....often the lipstick is just to get the sore to heal faster....i didn't disapper and i suggest you tell wife about the medicinal uses for lipstick

Dr. Jim said...

This is great, Putz! Why didn't I think of that.

'A in Albany' will thank you forever. I lot of others might too, we may never know.