Saturday, January 17, 2009

Woman suspects husband is gay -- he hangs out with his buddies

Dear Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim, please help me! I need it badly!

My husband sometimes would rather spend time with his buddies than with me. I think he may be gay or turning gay. Could this be the case?

With his buddies he works on cars, plays golf, and does all kinds of activities with those guys. One is especially close I think. He calls every day or two, they even go for coffee at MacDonald's.

We have been married for fifty-five years now and I don't think I can stand what I am seeing.

Scared and left at home in Poughkeepsie, Fran

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Dear Fran

Well, if it helps any it seems to me that your husband is a healthy and well adjusted fellow. Of course that isn't saying he couldn't be gay.

Here is the deal. Most men can't make friends with other guys. Their friends are only women, often just their wives at that. Sociologists say a well adjusted man will have a close buddy. A golfing buddy or card playing friend is typical.

That is easier for women, you probably have a close gossip friend and then perhaps a bridge circle or close coffee group. Most women do, IF YOU DON'T THEN YOU HAD BETTER GET A FRIEND. That is not of the utmost importance for men, but women need women to talk woman talk with.

I would think that after fifty-five years of marriage you would have figured all this out.

One problem is that women tend to be more jealous of their hubbies than most men are vice-versa. My closest friend ('Bill' we'll call him) around the age of twenty was a few years older and married. We worked on a racing car and would take it to the races on Saturday nights. I learned a lot that way.

One day his wife walked out of the house with a suitcase in her hand. When asked where she was headed, she told 'Bill' that since he liked that %$#@&+ car more than he loved her she was leaving. She left and divorced poor Bill.

That wasn't the end. Bill married a very sweet young lady. I should know she was sweet as for a while I hung around her sweet sister some until she got married also.

And we weren't and have never been gay.

For more reading on this subject check this link out. Read especially the third one (was when I looked) entitled Men and Friendship. Check some of these too.

And for goodness sake if you still feel this way about him go seek a professional for help. You pastor can recommend a competent worker.

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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Putz said...

husband is gay, happy, carefree, what is the big deal...i am gay always upbeat and cheerful like the boy scout...kind cheerful brave clean and reverant

ray said...

Men spend time with people who respect them. Respect is BIG to men. Also admiration. So the woman ought to examine the attitude and behavior she displays toward her husband.