Wife left, what can he have?

Dear Dr. Jim

This is very simple, but I need an answer fast!

My wife is leaving me and she wants most of our stuff. What can she have? To be nice I have let her have the seven kids, but now she want so much more.

Looking to be single, Pat in Woe Land

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Dear Pat

Guy, bone up! Any wife that has seven kids is deserving a loving husband, for sure you probably were mainly thinking of only one kind of love. [Hint: read 'the five kinds of love' (link) and try always in your relationships to maintain the proper balance of these]

It isn't too late to change, but I doubt your wife will come back. So, try to love her for the person she is, the mother of those seven kids, and don't cause any grief.

Start first in a loving manner (remember, the kids will benefit too) by giving her most of your worldly possessions. With seven kids the judge won't let you keep much anyway.

My best advice is for you both to have a good lawyer. Come to an agreement quickly, don't run up your legal fees over 'stuff' arguments.

Here is a list of things most women let the husband have, followed by my experience for each:

1. The dog or other pet. I didn't get either!

2. Your car or truck. I did get that, it was a '62 VW bug. She got the nice station wagon (remember it is for the kids too!).

3. The debts and bills. I got all of those, most credit cards were maxed and the store cards had high balances. I did get them all paid off, you can too.

4. The TV. Yes, I got the old one out in the garage.

5. Your tools. I got those.

6. Your ring. I had lost my ring in Dam B Lake (link) several years before. 'Nuf said.

This list came from a TV program, but it was a survey of 100 women and gives a fairly accurate idea of the generous thinking of those ladies.

Think about things, be realistic and loving still (but rebalance those five kinds of love now since you won't be married any more--i.e. nil on the Eros) and best of all, GET HAPPY and move to Happy Land, which is far away from your Woe Land.

I hope this helps, always,

Dr. Jim





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"How do we determine a competent professional?" asks a reader in South H.

Dear Dr. Jim


Very frequently, you advise that people seek professional help. But many of us have lost faith in the professional community because of the many reports of their members' ineptitudes.

So how do we determine a competent professional?

Ray asked from South H.


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Dear Ray

Here are some rules about finding a competent professional:

1. Talk with your friends. They may know of some good professionals in the area you wish, or they may have had personal experience with some. Remember, you are looking for good points and bad points, no one, not even a professional, is perfect.
Note also that this makes you vulnerable, your friends will be asking (perhaps not to your face), 'why is Ray concerned with finding a good professional?'
I generally work around this problem by talking in disguised content, like 'my friend--a name you make up--is trying to find ...'

2. Make an appointment. Your gut feeling and instincts are good here. If you feel uneasy tell the person you think you will be getting several opinions.
Don't hurt the professional's feelings here. I once told an ear doctor who was having trouble diagnosing the ringing in my ears that 'it was all in my head, right?' That doc got mad, left the room and slammed the door on his way out. That was the end for us two.
He couldn't take a joke, at least not this one!

3. Do you realize you are writing a book of your life? Many don't. So is your professional, try to read his or hers the best you can.

The first volume is the e-mail log. Big brother can find those old risqué e-mailings and use them for evidence. Just look at our astronauts here in Houston and the poor District Attorney. Each of them have lost their jobs because of what was said (real steamy stuff) on cyber-space.


The second volume is in what you see on your computer. Not everyone can boast that they always watch and read just the good stuff. When I run into something on an acquaintance's blog or e-mail that is in poor taste, I remark to them that I had a hard time bringing it up. That I had to override my kiddie filter. Most times they will appologize and promise to straighten up some. Other times, they just Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: it without reading to the bottom. I did this once, to my own kids. It was embarassing, the punchline, which I didn't read, was not good.

The third volume of your book is compiled from your check book and credit card transaction records.

The latter tells where your practical values are. The first two reflect upon your moral life.

There is a saying, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Here and Luke 12:34)

4. Check with the professional registry. For example, the State Bar of Texas has on their Web site, after a search for a given attorney, all disciplinary actions taken against the lawyer for a period of ten years. Many other professionals have registries similar.

5. Be sure to check on your state on-line Sexual Preditor Search Registry (link) (Texas). You can search for problems here by entering the professional's home address. While you're at it, do a check on your own address to find any of those preditors who might be living near you and your children.

My list in not nearly comprehensive enough, but I feel it is a good start for you.

And as always, I hope I have helped you, Ray, and all the others who read these pages.

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Dr. Jim also tells us here:

... where a persons treasure is, there ...

Three indicators of what is important to you

e-mails and computer use
credit card use
checkbook





So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

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Why do Tigers eat and kill? Why do rabbits run? Kate wants a tiger and a rabbit for pets -- they won't cooperate, she knows!

Dear Dr. Jim

I've been confused. For a long time I have wanted a Tiger for a pet. And a little cotton-tail rabbit. But the rabbits all run from me and I've heard lately of deaths from ferocious tigers.

Why aren't these animals nice, playful, and docile like my cats?

Oh yes, to help you, they were all couped up with Noah on that ark and he didn't have any problems with the wild animals.

Animal Lover Kate in Pretoria, Indiana

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Dear Kate

I would suggest you not have either of those animals, nor any other wild animal as pets.

Yes, they were with Noah. They were friends of his, they all coexisted very nicely. That was back then.

Modern wild animals, ever since they departed the ark, have an inherent fear of people. Let's look at that for a moment.

Did Noah eat them for food while on the ark? No. Noah and his family were vegetarians.

Then, it all hit the fan! God said: "Noah, you can eat these animals. They will be ok for food!" He further went on and said to the animals, "I want you to fear all people from now on, because they will kill you and eat you." (see note below)

From that day on it changed. The larger animals tried to retaliate, they would kill man if they could to protect themselves from being eaten. Those who couldn't harm man became afraid of him and would run.

So now you know why tigers kill and rabbits run when you get too close.

I hope this helped.



Notes: Genesis 9:2-3 (Bible):
2 The fear and dread of you will fall upon all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air, upon every creature that moves along the ground, and upon all the fish of the sea; they are given into your hands.
3 Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.
[The entire account of Noah and the ark, the animals, and the flood can be found in Genesis, Chapters 7, 8, and 9 (link)]


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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Noah and the ark Animals Flood Noah's ark Tigers Vegetarian Ark Noah