Lonesome Lady Needs Friends

Dear Dr. Jim 

This is a hard to describe problem.  In a nutshell, I am lonely.

I shouldn't be because I am married but my hubby is a "Stick in the Mud".  He doesn't like to go anyplace except to work and to the gas station to gas up our car.  He watches a lot of TV, even travel pictures but they haven't shown him any place he might want to go.

We don't have any friends or relatives to speak of, I have a few Facebook "friends".  But I don't really know any of them, just they wanted to befriend me.  "The Stick" doesn't even do that or want a computer at all.  I would die without mine. 

I hope you can help me, 

Lonesome Beverly in Scranton 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Well, Lonesome Beverly, this is a sweet and sour write today. I feel like a Dr. Jim help note is needed here. Best for you is to associate with a group of widow ladies, hoping that some of them also like to dance. There are always some lady couples on the dance floor. 

Far out, and really works better for men is to try for being a professional dance escort aboard a line of cruise ships. Who knows, you might fit with someone who really cares for you. That second one is sort of on my standby bucket list, in case I am the survivor partner in our marriage. 

Before we moved to the west suburb of Houston there were a group of widow ladies who had made a waiting list for me. That probably isn't now, dissolved, although two of them have moved here also. 

A tidbit, I holed up for three years after a painful and expensive divorce (13 years married) I fortunately was surprised by my now wife at a landlady's monthly supper. My roommate and his then girlfriend convinced Mrs. Jim to wait for me as I had a class that night. One never knows, we have been married 49 years; she likes dancing more than I do though we are dancing.  

I still have one Janis Joplin CD sitting next to my Willie Nelson CD to use for practice to keep my dancing up.  So why not take as cruise, leave "Stick" home.   

Who knows, on your own, you might decide to ditch the "Stick" and get on your own. 

I hope this helps, 

Wannabe Cruise Ship Dancer (when I retire) 

Dr. Jim, Professor  

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous) 

D.J. P

 _  _ _ _ 

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

..

Worried Wife Gets Nervous

Dear Dr. Jim 

I have a problem.  It seems that when we are going some place I get nervous.

First of all I ask myself over and over, "Self, have you done everything you need to do before I leave?"  Sometimes that thought process it lasts so long that it makes me late for where I am going. Then I get really angry at myself for making me late.

Second though, is my constant worry that the rest of us or even others going with us won't be ready to go when I get ready.  I worry about this too, a lot.  

Sometimes my worry gets to my husband and the others and then they too become angry, at me. 

Please, Dr. Jim, I need your help with my problem.

Worried and Angered Sealy 

In Neverland, Iowa

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   

Dear Sealy, W&A 

I feel for your situation.  My daughters have this problem also, it is quite common.  

Researchers have discovered also that it is much more common in ladies than with men.  So then they researched along that vein. 

The research lead to a chromosome that is generally not common to women but very prevalent among men. 

Since I am not a medical doctor I won't attempt to diagnose your or others whether or not you or they fit along these lines or that this idea is even true. 

Most I have told this mentioned to their GP's and after a fairly thorough medical exam were referred to a 'neuro' doctor and were helped. 

I hope this helps you and your family situation

Let me know the Doc's verdict,

Dr. Jim 

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

No Free Medical Advice from This Doc

Dear Dr. Jim 

I have been having this problem and don't know how to handle it. 

It started with a pain in my left shoulder being stiff.  I woke up with it hurting that way.  

The next morning my left hip was stiff and hurting, the shoulder was some better.  By night my left foot also hurt though my shoulder had stopped hurting. 

A day later that same problem was affecting my right shoulder, then migrated to my hip and down to my right toe. 

Next day it was my left shoulder all over again.  Finally the pain moved to my left hip.and stopped there.  

Well Doc, any ideas what is wrong with me?

Hurting in St Paul, Arthur Cheapy

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Dear Art Cheap 

You know I'm not a Medical Doctor so I am not qualified to give you medical.advice.  My doctorate is in Law so in education I am entitled to the name prefix of Doctor, abbreviated "Dr."  

And if with using  that title we retire from academia then we are entitled to keep using it in retirement, which I have done.

Now, my free advice.  Sometimes what you save by avoiding expense costs a lot more than doing things right.

That said my curiosity got the best of me so I ran your story by my physician.  

Right away he scolded me for trying to get free medical advice from him worse than I was telling you.  Nevertheless he did give me a hint that this sounds like the behavior of osteoarthritis.  

He said that if he was right you should see your doctor right away for treatment before it gets any worse. 

That was the good news.  He said there isn't a cure for that but medicine can for sure ease the pain and sometime it may also slow its growth, but not much most times. 

So my free advice for you Mr. Cheapy, is to stop being cheap and go see your medical doctor.  

Let me know the Doc's verdict, Dr Jim  

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now -- 

I DO NOT GIVE LEGAL ADVICE HERE OR ON THIS BLOG OR FROM COMMENTS.

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW) 

I DO NOT GIVE LEGAL ADVICE HERE OR ON THIS BLOG OR FROM COMMENTS.

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Her feet hurt when wearing shoes

Dear Dr. Jim

I'm writing this in hopes that you can help me out. 

My feet are killing me!  Seems none of the shoes I ever can buy really fit me.  At least that is what my son tells me.

What can I do with this if the shoes don't seem to be helping my feet?

Ms. Tenderfoot in Basking Land

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Ms. Tenderfoot

Your shoe story is great!  My uncle used to say that 'if the shoe didn't fit then don't wear it.'  That is the gist of your problem, I like that you've figured that much out!  Beware of your son's not-so-helpful advice.

My foot doctor has me wear athletic shoes all the time with an arch support, the green generic kind that sporting goods stores sell.  Mine are NIKE runing shoes.  My church and dress shoes are a pair of black walking shoes also fitted with arch supports.

Without the arch supports my feet get to hurting pretty fast.  You might like to try that with the arch supports.

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

.
Advice from Dr. Jim (previously posted here) today:

You and your sweetheart go see a romantic movie tonight. It's okay to rent one although the popular Red Box may be running low by evening. There will be a run on the 'chick flicks'.

Do I mind my own advice?

No, Mrs. Jim and I will go to dinner and watch a dinner play.

This one is a mystery dinner theatre with audience participation.

I am hoping to can figure out whodunit (for "Who done [did] it?) before the play detective does!

- - - - - - -

Health Tip Of The Week from the Mayo Clinic newsletter:

"Craving chocolate? Go dark

Dark chocolate can be high in calories, but it may be a good choice if you're craving something sweet. Flavanols in dark chocolate appear to reduce risk factors for heart disease. Choose dark chocolate with cocoa content of 65 percent or higher. Limit yourself to no more than 3 ounces (85 grams) a day, which is the amount shown in studies to be helpful. Cut calories in other areas or step up the exercise to compensate for the extra calories.

Need practical advice on diet and exercise? Want creative solutions for stress and other lifestyle issues? Try a daily dose of healthy lifestyle tips from MayoClinic.com. "

Today there isn't much blue in the world, at least I'm hoping. I did write a blue poem today. Sorry 'bout that. Once again, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Husband drinks directly from the serving bottle

Dear Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim, I have a problem. I hope you can help me with it.

My husband drinks from the milk bottle! Don't you think this is totally disgusting? I sure do.

I think really he was doing this before we were married but didn't' do it at first whenever I was watching him. At least his sister said he did.

Again, please help me.

Sterile Lady Agnes in Raleigh

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Agnes

Well Ms. Sterile, I hate to burst your bubble but I have found that most men do this. They also take sips from the wine bottle before putting it in the frig. And some men just go to the refrigerator for a drink that way (like this guy).

One thing you might should agree on is to not drink out of a bottle that will be served to guests not a part of the family. This is for sanitary reasons. But within the family germs are passed around willy-nilly anyway.

You might also tell him in a nice way how it bothers you. That you hadn't seen people doing this before and maybe, would he not do it for your sake. If my wife did ask me to stop like that I probably would.

Perhaps our some of our readers might have ideas on this subject that would help you. Or make you feel better about him doing it.

I hope I have helped some,

Dr. Jim

A gentleman never drinks beer from a bottle at a restaurant, I might add as an etiquette tip (link, see slide # 10). Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)
Submit question or comment in privacy now To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.(or CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)
To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Overeating man can't control his eating or his car

Dear Dr. Jim

I am having trouble with my car. Could it have a mind of its own?

Every time I pass by a MacDonald's it wants to turn in. Several times it has done that on its own, just drove in and parked.

Most of the time this happens I don't know in advance until we are in the lot, parked.

When I do realize in time to avoid that place the steering wheel often pulls beyond my strength. Then, once more I am parked in the lot.

I could drive back out but I just don't have the will power to do that. So I go in and have a couple of cheeseburgers, fries, and a drink. Most times I finish with a hot fudge sundae since they are on the dollar menu right now.

Please help me, Dr. Jim. I am gaining weight. Things are out of control.

Happy Meal Hank in Freesburg, Virginia

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear H M Hank

This is one of those rare occasions where I cannot possibly believe what I am reading. A grown man, I assume, taken over by his car. A machine at that. Machines will not rule.

Having said that, most times I would trash a letter like yours.

However I sense a problem here. It is a genuine call for help. Help for an over-eater.

Please do not delay, but call your local OverEaters Anonymous as soon as possible.

Do not pass go but please pass the MacDonald's. I feel you are stopping at other fast foods as well even though your favorite may be MacDonald's.

Please read about Overeaters Anonymous on their Web site (link). When you are ready click on the top in the header, the "find a meeting" button.

I found twelve meeting locations within 25 miles of my home. They were meeting every day of the week! Even Saturday mornings. At the bottom, in red are these words, "You do NOT have to register to ATTEND any OA meeting."

I hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

And please do take advantage of these Overeating Anonymous people!

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Picky husband won't drink milk past its sell by date

Dear Dr. Jim

This is a small problem to my hubby and probably is small potatoes to you. But to me it supper tubers. Dr. Jim, please Google that (I did it here) for the uninformed.

Our problem doesn't involve potatoes today, it is about milk.

My hubby will not drink mild past its sell by date. I say drink it until it tastes or smells bad. Who is right.

Not so picky Jane in Kansas

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear N.S. Picky Jane

I hate to tell you this but there isn't any correct answer or set rule. So you drink the old stuff until it seems bad. Hubby should buy new milk when the old milk reaches the 'sell by date.'

I think my readers might have some stories to tell as to what they do about this.

In fact one lady says the milk is fine even when sour. She puts some vinegar in hers to make it taste like butter milk.

Hope this answer suits you fine,

Dr. Jim


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

How often should he change his underwear (he won't change them)

Dear Dr. Jim

Houston, we have a problem.

My husband won't change his underwear. He says he will change it, when it gets embarrassing sized holes.

For sure I want him to have nice looking underwear, how can I get him to change?

Clean Lady in Utah

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Clean Lady

Oh my goodness, at first I misunderstood you. I thought that hubby was wearing his underwear even when it got dirty until he wore holes in it.

Now I see, you want him to change out his underwear before it gets to looking to bad.

I doubt he has changed his habits much since you married him, so you will just have to live with him the way he is. STOP TRYING TO CHANGE HIM. He won't and he will resent you for working on him like you do.

If you want to blame someone you can blame his mother. He probably never changed his underwear out. Or changed it for clean for that matter. I was that way.

Mom would get my used underwear whether dirty or not each night after I went to bed. She would lay out clean underwear for me to put on the next morning along with my other clean clothes. I just thought that was something moms did.

And she would buy me new underwear before it ever got holes in it. Even when we were dirt poor.

When I left home I remember her telling me to be sure not to wear holey underwear just in case I would get into an accident and have to go to the hospital.

Hospitals seem to like nice looking underwear so I came to understand, and to this day if I am driving I put on good underwear. I wear the holey ones around the house and when doing yard work, etc.

Now for you. Buy him new underwear. My estimate is that it should be changed every year to have it looking nice. Just take his old underwear and put in new.

For years Mrs. Jim did that for me. Until we retired, now it is up to me. I must say I don't always put fresh on each morning and some of them have really bad holes. And that is the price you will keep on paying unless you take matters into your own hands.

I hope this helped.

Dr. Jim

Here are some references for you on changing out underwear, wearing clean underway every day, and holey underwear.



So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Sue just wants to be hairy (armpits) -- Husband opposed

Dear Dr. Jim

It just isn't fair! Why do women have to shave their armpits.

Didn't God make us with hair there before he allowed man to create the razor?

Please help me, Dr. Jim.

My husband insists that I would be a smelly woman if I didn't shave and has even threatened to sleep in another room. He says I would be disgusting and not sexy at all!

Wanna be Hairy Sue in Ardmore

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Hairy Sue (Did you know that rhymes with Mary Sue?)

This is a very delicate situation that we are in here. I would like to see your armpits shaved and unshaven, I think that would help us a lot here.

But since we won't be able to do that, let's try the next best thing.

Ask you husband if the TWO OF YOU could have a trial run at this.

Both of you will have to work at this. If just one of you gives in it could lead to the downfall of your marriage.

Marriage is a 50-50 proposition, or pretty close to it, at least it should be. If one spouse just arbitrarily gives in that could set a precedence for losing control of ones self. None of us wants that to happen, these issues often lead to divorce.

Now, lets look at the hair armpit thing. Just a lot of European women do not shave under their armpits. Both the ladies and their menfolk think it is sexy.

Granted the body odor takes on a strong scent, but it is more like an animal aroma, one who is in the hunt for sex. Or who has been having sex lately and is ready for some more. People become very accustomed to this and some say it even enhances their love lives.

These were a couple of links I found with Google. What I found mainly was not conclusive at all. Be careful if you go there because some are distasteful to say the least about them.

One article not referred suggested that when the razor was invented shaven women were promoted as being sexier in order to promote razor sales to a new market.

A couple of references which are OK and to our point:
YouTube on Hairy Armpits (has pretty girl, seems sexy)
Paris Hilton is purported to be bringing hairy armpits back (link)

Hope this helps, I think I would like my wife to try not shaving but she won't.

Dr. Jim

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Addendum: September 25, 2008.

After further consideration I am telling Ms. Hairy Sue to go for all or nothing. If the hubby doesn't like it then he should hit the road. Period. You see, a woman's body is hers alone (and with God, of course--Romans 12) to do with it what she pleases.

Why do I say this? Roe vs. Wade gives all women in this grand United States that right, the right of privacy! The opinion was geared to right for a woman to choose to have an abortion but will equally apply to growing hair under her armpits if she wishes.

You might ask, "why should she be so harsh with the old man?" The answer is that making him sleep elsewhere was his idea, he would win. He presented Ms. Hairy with an either/or ultimatum. That doesn't go, she should do what she wants.

I hope this helps even more, Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Eating ice cream gives her headaches -- my explanation and remedy?

Dear Dr. Jim

I have a question that isn't too terribly important. But it did seem you needed someone to write in with one. Besides I get a lot of humiliation from my husband about this item.

It seems that I get headaches easily whenever I eat ice cream.

My husband is no help at all, he usually says, "Dummy, don't take such big bites."

Like I use the big spoon or something. Humph!

Susan Aspirin Eater Not By Choice in Hoeboeken

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well, Susan (oh you Dummy, you ),

Thank you for your write-in generosity. You have given me a Lulu.

First, ice cream is much colder than ice. Our bodies were made to handle ice nicely as many times the Indians and other savages had to drink out of frozen streams in the winter. Also eating snow is a part of our natural constitutionality.

So, eating that cold ice cream is not of the norm as ice cream is not found in nature. Therefore it overwhelms our natural ability to cope with temperatures ingested; it is out of range, low.

FYI, nominal ice cream temperature is 23°F. That temperature rapidly shrinks the sinuses of most humans so much that it is painful.

Another side effect of eating ice cream is sinus infections. Not because the ice cream is cold, but because of all the ingredients of commercially made ice cream.
........Typical bad ingredients found in ice cream:
"In the following paragraph we present you a list of the most damaging ice-cream ingredients: amyl acetate, amyl butyrate, amyl valerate, benzyl isobutyrate, butyric acid, benzyl acetate, anysil formate, cinnamyl isobutyrate, cinnamyl valerate, diacetyl, dipropil ketone, ethyl acetate, ethyl amyl ketone, cognac essential oil, ethyl heptanoate, ethyl butyrate, ethyl nitrate, ethyl cinnamate, ethyl propionate, ethyl valerate, heliotropin, a-ionone, isobutyl anthranilate, isobutyl butyrate, lemon methyl heptine carbonate, methyl salicylate, mint essential oil, neryl isobutyrate, orris butter, rose, run ether, vanillin and solvents." (source, Enzine@Articles)

That ought to scare hubby off ice cream, you don't eat it because it's too cold, he doesn't eat it now because of all the harmful additives.

Homemade ice cream is good for you, it contains only what you put into it. I WOULD NOT PUT RAW EGGS IN HOMEMADE ICE CREAM. Raw eggs are a cause of some terrible sicknesses.

Hope this helped,

Dr. Jim

If you make some homemade, can I lick the dasher?



So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Her husband has uncontrolled blog rage as well as controlled road rage

Dear Dr. Jim

Please, Dr. Jim, I need help FAST!

My husband has uncontrollable rage when he gets on his computer and uses the Internet with his (sic) glob.

He is prone to violent 'madness,' the doctor and I made him stop driving because he had the worst case of road rage ever. It is a wonder no one got killed then.

I am open to any suggestions.

Harried Wife in Kudzu Tennessee

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear H. W.

I feel really sorry for your predicament, but more sorrowfully yet for your dear hubby. Having rage is like being an alcholic or having cancer, one can control it but it can never be cured.

He is working with BLOGS, not GLOBS. Blogs are mainly a social network of online friends, some are political (or other favorite cause like religion, etc) in nature. Actually Ask Dr. Jim (blog) is a blog.

Let's get to it.

First, is he ever violent towards you? You don't seem worried but if it happens leave immediately until you two get professional help.

Second, I am a firm believer that there is such a thing as BLOG RAGE. This is a relatively new phenomenon, mainly because blogs are so new.

Third, you should consult a professional again, probably the one he trusts who worked with you both in the road rage situation.

Fourth, I believe you and the doctor may have to take away the keys to his computer (literally there aren't keys, so cut the plug off) of his computer away from him like you did the car.

Fifth, please read some online items about the newest of rages, blog rage (click here). I have found about 6,780 articles for you and the other readers. [For some articles about controlling road rage, click here.]

Please get action very soon before someone does get hurt.

Dr. Jim.

p.s. H. W, you are invited to keep on reading stuff on your computer, it is a wonderful learning tool. Perhaps this drastic action I suggested may not be necessary or at least not be permanent. Leave that to the doctor/professional.

Writing the blog(s) helps him keep his mind going, just pray he gets it going in the right direction. Dr. Jim



So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Pyromania? Arson? -- L.A. firebug wishes he wasn't one. -- Good? Bad? Right? Wrong? Who knows?

Dear Dr. Jim

Doctor, I hope you can help me. I have this fear that I am a firebug waiting to happen.

Almost every day I play with matches and several butane lighters that I have collected. I light candles for no reason, I am not even religious. I burn my trash in the backyard at times when no one is watching.

My wife gave me such a hard time that now I do all this in secret. She threatened to leave me if I didn't 'straighten up.'

Likes Fire Horace in La La Land.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

OK, and O O, L.F. Bad news for you, you may be a latent pyromaniac.

I did check on firebugs a little because I actually hadn't dealt with any so far in my career.

The law is very hard on firebugs if they start a fire of a public building or property belonging to another. The crime is arson which carries a stiff prison sentence as a penalty. Here are links to a couple of old New York Times articles concerning this crime of arson. Link 1 Link 2 Each makes interesting reading.

Pyromania is the name for having an irresistible impulse to start fires. There has been controversy about whether the condition arises from mental illness or moral deficiency. Psychiatrists have been working on determination of which one.

Please read this article very carefully: [Wikipedia].

I am 99.999% certain that it can be either. At any rate, watch yourself and try to curb your fire setting. Moral deficiency means you are not using good judgement about the difference between good and bad. This can be straightened out and your wife has the right ideas concerning this situation.

On the other hand if it is due to a mental illness situation professional (psychiatric in nature) can certainly help you. Almost all mental situations can either be cured, modified, or curbed with help of proper care.

Whichever your situation, if the behavior continues to the extent of committing arson, help is often lacking or minimal in the crowded confinement institutions (prisons). And in your case I almost hope it is a mental area where you lack the ability to determine right from wrong as this is actually easier for the professional to cope with.

I hope this helps you to see the need get help very soon. Check with a professional for help right away before it is too late.

Dr. Jim

Oh yes, please leave your matches and lighters before you come to my house.

Don't take your fire to town son
Leave your fire at home O.F.
Don't take your fire to town

Johnny Cash song link.

Dr. Jim




So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

"How do we determine a competent professional?" asks a reader in South H.

Dear Dr. Jim


Very frequently, you advise that people seek professional help. But many of us have lost faith in the professional community because of the many reports of their members' ineptitudes.

So how do we determine a competent professional?

Ray asked from South H.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Ray

Here are some rules about finding a competent professional:

1. Talk with your friends. They may know of some good professionals in the area you wish, or they may have had personal experience with some. Remember, you are looking for good points and bad points, no one, not even a professional, is perfect.
Note also that this makes you vulnerable, your friends will be asking (perhaps not to your face), 'why is Ray concerned with finding a good professional?'
I generally work around this problem by talking in disguised content, like 'my friend--a name you make up--is trying to find ...'

2. Make an appointment. Your gut feeling and instincts are good here. If you feel uneasy tell the person you think you will be getting several opinions.
Don't hurt the professional's feelings here. I once told an ear doctor who was having trouble diagnosing the ringing in my ears that 'it was all in my head, right?' That doc got mad, left the room and slammed the door on his way out. That was the end for us two.
He couldn't take a joke, at least not this one!

3. Do you realize you are writing a book of your life? Many don't. So is your professional, try to read his or hers the best you can.

The first volume is the e-mail log. Big brother can find those old risqué e-mailings and use them for evidence. Just look at our astronauts here in Houston and the poor District Attorney. Each of them have lost their jobs because of what was said (real steamy stuff) on cyber-space.


The second volume is in what you see on your computer. Not everyone can boast that they always watch and read just the good stuff. When I run into something on an acquaintance's blog or e-mail that is in poor taste, I remark to them that I had a hard time bringing it up. That I had to override my kiddie filter. Most times they will appologize and promise to straighten up some. Other times, they just Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: it without reading to the bottom. I did this once, to my own kids. It was embarassing, the punchline, which I didn't read, was not good.

The third volume of your book is compiled from your check book and credit card transaction records.

The latter tells where your practical values are. The first two reflect upon your moral life.

There is a saying, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Here and Luke 12:34)

4. Check with the professional registry. For example, the State Bar of Texas has on their Web site, after a search for a given attorney, all disciplinary actions taken against the lawyer for a period of ten years. Many other professionals have registries similar.

5. Be sure to check on your state on-line Sexual Preditor Search Registry (link) (Texas). You can search for problems here by entering the professional's home address. While you're at it, do a check on your own address to find any of those preditors who might be living near you and your children.

My list in not nearly comprehensive enough, but I feel it is a good start for you.

And as always, I hope I have helped you, Ray, and all the others who read these pages.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dr. Jim also tells us here:

... where a persons treasure is, there ...

Three indicators of what is important to you

e-mails and computer use
credit card use
checkbook





So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Do earlobes grow with aging? Still young reader is getting worried

Dear Dr. Jim

Last night on TV I watched "Two and a Half Men" and the protagonist of the episode, Charlie Harper (played by Charlie Sheen) kept insisting that the older a woman gets the longer her ear lobes get. And, of course, that's why he doesn't want to date older women (He's around 40 and dates women in their 20s and 30s).

What I NEED to know is "Is it true?" Do women's ear lobes get longer as they age? This is a very important question to me. I don't want long, skinny, floppy ear lobes as I sail into my mature years or, rather, my maturer years. So far my ear lobes are firmish but I'm really scared. And if it's true that ear lobes sag, what does one do about it?

Is there a cream, or something to apply? Are there collagen injections for lobes? Is there some sort of surgery to tighten them? Please answer ASAP. I feel them stretching out as we speak!

Ms. Poet in Downstate

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Ms. Poet

I am so glad you asked this question. Aging as it pertains to beauty may be the number one worry in the United States at the moment, just ahead of s*x, money, health, and politics.

A healthy outlook on aging will allow some worries about how we look in our older years, but an awfully lot of people get carried away. Fear of aging and its results often rises to the state of an unjustified phobia, called gerascophobia. Gerascophobic persons are prone to depression further compounding their situation.

All that is to let you know where I am coming from when I suggest you seek medical help. You must do this swiftly, procrastinating will see you soon shunning treatment that is needed.

I agree with you in that the earlobes do grow at older ages. I would suggest there are both medical and surgical treatments. You might read some of these references on-line (link). Especially appealing to me was an article on cosmetic surgery of "older patients who have a face-lift may choose to have their earlobes reduced at the same time because earlobes grow and stretch with aging, and may look out of proportion after a face-lift." (CNN.com 2002 cyber-article)

Some of these articles tell how the earlobes actually do grow in aging. When I read these, though, I felt you were not yet at this crucial age. And I did not find any plausible sounding crème to stop this growth.

By seeking professional help, even though there is no earlobe problem at your age, you will have a benchmark on the size of them while they still retain their normal beautiful length. Then by making periodic visits to your physician you can get accurate lobe growth rates and severity correlation when any growth does occur.

There is a bright side here. Have you noticed that older men tend to have very large noses and ears and other features from top to bottom, from their large balding head to their shoe sole like earlobes? Those men would trade for just having long earlobes and a little excess facial hair any day.

Problems of this sort often remind me of the old story of the fellow who lost twelve ugly pounds. How did he do it? He had his head cut off.

I hope I have helped a little in your situation. Aren't you glad you watched that TV program! Except for the hoped for growth preventative crèmes, you were on top of the problem here. Now you stay on top and go see your doctor very soon.


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.