Lady Bugged with a "Terrible Problem"

Dear Dr. Jim

I'm having a terrible situation which seems to be perpetuating.   

I hope that you can help me with me in sorting out this problem getting-to-be ordeal.  It may ruin my life if it keeps going on.

So, when I talk or write and I need one of these two words to be used, "less" or "fewer". 

Sincerely and devotedly attentive to my Grammer being correct,

Snyderbergg, "Two G's Lady, perplexed"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Well, Ms. Two G's, 

I would indeed think there is a BIG PROBLEM here.  So big you might see, soon, or later, your psychiatrist about.  It is very much big for you. And for me, because I feel for you. 

First, I will tell you how I personally handle this, it does appear now and then.  Mostly I mind what is said by my gut and follow it.  It seems that as much as I write that I would have come to this junction and came by some sort of instinctive miracle took place and doing that have done okay.  No complaints or making fun.  

But had it appeared I personally would ask one of a few grammar teachers that I know, just for this situation, which I should ask and follow her or him. 

Second, before seeing the doctor, look it up.  I checked with google and she told me the following:  

"Depending on the subject type given: 

Examples

Images

Books

Videos

News

Shopping

Maps

Perspectives

Flights

Finance

All filters

'Fewer' and 'Less'

It goes like this: fewer is used to refer to number among things that are counted, as in "fewer choices" and "fewer problems"; less is used to refer to quantity or amount among things that are measured, as in "less time" and "less effort."

per Meriam-Webster.

(posted by Dr. Jim 

http://jimmiehov8.blogspot.com/?m=1 )"

I'm with you, probably thinking, "How does this fit my dilemma?"  Well try and see if one or the others sound like the one.  I relate this to making the selection of choices shown by the shoe salesperson, buy a pair that both fits and looks good FOR ME. 

I hope this helps, 

Dr. Jim, who has an answer, of sorts at least 

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Lonesome Lady Needs Friends

Dear Dr. Jim 

This is a hard to describe problem.  In a nutshell, I am lonely.

I shouldn't be because I am married but my hubby is a "Stick in the Mud".  He doesn't like to go anyplace except to work and to the gas station to gas up our car.  He watches a lot of TV, even travel pictures but they haven't shown him any place he might want to go.

We don't have any friends or relatives to speak of, I have a few Facebook "friends".  But I don't really know any of them, just they wanted to befriend me.  "The Stick" doesn't even do that or want a computer at all.  I would die without mine. 

I hope you can help me, 

Lonesome Beverly in Scranton 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Well, Lonesome Beverly, this is a sweet and sour write today. I feel like a Dr. Jim help note is needed here. Best for you is to associate with a group of widow ladies, hoping that some of them also like to dance. There are always some lady couples on the dance floor. 

Far out, and really works better for men is to try for being a professional dance escort aboard a line of cruise ships. Who knows, you might fit with someone who really cares for you. That second one is sort of on my standby bucket list, in case I am the survivor partner in our marriage. 

Before we moved to the west suburb of Houston there were a group of widow ladies who had made a waiting list for me. That probably isn't now, dissolved, although two of them have moved here also. 

A tidbit, I holed up for three years after a painful and expensive divorce (13 years married) I fortunately was surprised by my now wife at a landlady's monthly supper. My roommate and his then girlfriend convinced Mrs. Jim to wait for me as I had a class that night. One never knows, we have been married 49 years; she likes dancing more than I do though we are dancing.  

I still have one Janis Joplin CD sitting next to my Willie Nelson CD to use for practice to keep my dancing up.  So why not take as cruise, leave "Stick" home.   

Who knows, on your own, you might decide to ditch the "Stick" and get on your own. 

I hope this helps, 

Wannabe Cruise Ship Dancer (when I retire) 

Dr. Jim, Professor  

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous) 

D.J. P

 _  _ _ _ 

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

..

Worried Wife Gets Nervous

Dear Dr. Jim 

I have a problem.  It seems that when we are going some place I get nervous.

First of all I ask myself over and over, "Self, have you done everything you need to do before I leave?"  Sometimes that thought process it lasts so long that it makes me late for where I am going. Then I get really angry at myself for making me late.

Second though, is my constant worry that the rest of us or even others going with us won't be ready to go when I get ready.  I worry about this too, a lot.  

Sometimes my worry gets to my husband and the others and then they too become angry, at me. 

Please, Dr. Jim, I need your help with my problem.

Worried and Angered Sealy 

In Neverland, Iowa

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   

Dear Sealy, W&A 

I feel for your situation.  My daughters have this problem also, it is quite common.  

Researchers have discovered also that it is much more common in ladies than with men.  So then they researched along that vein. 

The research lead to a chromosome that is generally not common to women but very prevalent among men. 

Since I am not a medical doctor I won't attempt to diagnose your or others whether or not you or they fit along these lines or that this idea is even true. 

Most I have told this mentioned to their GP's and after a fairly thorough medical exam were referred to a 'neuro' doctor and were helped. 

I hope this helps you and your family situation

Let me know the Doc's verdict,

Dr. Jim 

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Husband would come in the fitting room with his wife. Is that Okay?

Dear Dr. Jim 

Well, Doctor, I'm pretty pertabated today.  My Missus is shopping for dresses, they hardly trade in those anymore. 

So I'm sitting in a nice chair at the entrance to the lady's fitting rooms. There's no one to fit you any more either. Things just aren't like they used to be. 

That also goes for shopping for clothes with your lady friend as well.  I'm the only guy in this whole store, about like the six. 

That gets to my question.  

Is it alright for me, her husband, to help the Missus with her fit in the dressing room? 

Just Like to Help the Missus; 

  in Need Help, Arkansas

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear JLHM 

Hi there, I hope maybe you've fixed this situation up by now.  I do hope so because I sure don't want to say anything bad off the cuff here.  

Let me start with these words, MOST WOMEN FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN A MAN IS IN THERE WITH THEM IN THE LADIES DRESSING ROOMS, even if all the other doors are closed or the curtains pulled. 

Saying that, I would not recommend that your Hub come into the dressing room with you.

If you would feel comfortable wearing your debatable purchase it is alright for you to wear it out in the Husband Waiting Area for him to see and help you if he can. 

And don't you dare say that I said he might sneak in if you two would be the only ones in the dressing room area.  I have seen that being done, most time that keeps the other women from coming in. 

I hope this helps, please keep your modesty for the rest of us. 

Any readers have something to say about this advice?

Dr. Jim, ambassador for doing right 

Oh yes, I do like the nickname, or is it her given, "Missus".  Sometimes I call my wife "Missy."

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Wife knows she was right -- Husband thinks he is right

Dear Dr. Jim

Sometimes The Hub, my husband, is a clunce.  He  really pulled my string yesterday. 

I was telling him of a new title his favorite author had released. The title was "Murder in Monterey" and it seems he had already known of it. 

So I offered to pick up a copy for him in the afternoon when I was out.  He thanked me and told me that he would really enjoy reading of his favorite detective's  adventures in Alabama, as he himself had always wanted to visit there. 

When I said it was in Monterey,  Monterey California, he began arguing with me and saying he had seen a picture of the cover and it was Montgomery.  

I couldn't convince him that I was right and that has ruined our day. I even told him to his face that he was being a clunce.

Dr. Jim, if you could get him to see my side I'd really appreciate your efforts.   Thank you.

"Generally Right" in Torrance 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Ms. Right

Oh my goodness, Ms. Right,  of course you were right again here. That, though, should not have been the issue.

You are NAUGHTY. Naughty to The Hub. When The Man is wrong tell him so, nicely. But just once, then let it ride.

He'll find out when you get him the book and he reads for himself. Then, if you haven't pushed the issue too hard and if you don't keep rubbing it in, he MIGHT apologize.

Not a big deal so don't you make it one. That is my Dr. Jim advice for the moment.

BTW there may have been a name problem here unless you have made up a new word. Clunce.

That may be true, you were thinking of two names, Clutz and Dunce.  Each has its own meaning, G o o g l e them as you might then decide you didn't want to use either one.

BTW, I have a friend who invented a new word. I helped her to enter it into the online Urban Dictionary ( https://www.urbandictionary.com ).

Your word, 'Clunce', is not there as of now. You may wish to enter it with a definition of your choice.

I hope this helped.  If you think I was too hard on you here please forgive me. (But I think I WAS RIGHT this time.)

Dr. Jim in Fulshear/Katy

p.s. "Pulling ones string" generally has the illusion of pulling a leash,  such as a leash attached to a dog's collar.

"Pulling one's 'chain' on the other hand gets one riled up when the stopper is pulled out, as the water in a sink as it swirls going down into the drain.

Just saying, Dr. Jim


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Timely advice for the Ides, of the city of March

Dear Dr. Jim

I am very much concerned regarding our safety here our little city of March.  As tomorrow is the National 'Ides of March' Day, our name is a natural for harassment.  I.e, "Beware the Ides of March."

Perhaps you could be of help to us with this matter.  I am sorry for the short notice I have given you.

You loyal reader and fan,
Gloria and Mr. Ides, fun object on the little city of March

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My Dear Mr. and Mrs. Ides,

 

Today I write heavy hearted for the travails and tragedies that are bound to occur in your small village today. Or is it a city birthing there in your March?

 

Your two lane roads have become expressways, your fields of green grass and purple bloom, and the crop of corn in Farmer Jones place have gone away. Ceded in their stead to what seems to be an army moving in with houses as far as the eye can see, all dress right dressed in rows of boxes.
 
This is a request for you to warn your neighbors and friends. Beware that, as the old saying goes, and I'm not putting you to blame, that the Ides there in March celebrate as if there would be no tomorrow.

And you two as leaders of your clan, and ones of my dearest friends, can make lasting change in your town.  For me this year, would you please for tomorrow, stay in, and ask the rest of the family to do so also.

 

If you'll tell yourselves, "Beware the Ides of March," change can occur.   Your neighbors soon, as the years pass, will see that this warning is becoming passé and will be a legend only.

 

"The lamb will lie with the lions" The town will no longer fear the Ides on this day, the fifteenth of March. Their City of March will have become a haven for all.

 

In good faith and a prayer

I, Dr. Jim, say to you and yours,
Beware the Ides of March

- - - -

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Lady has concern for the way men are looking

Dear Dr. Jim

I am concerned for the men in the The Millennials - Gen Next and of the upcoming Generation Z as to the way they wear their pants.  The picture I am sending you shows what I think they should be looking like.

.

Please help me out with this,

 Concerned Pristina in Old Waveyland   

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Pristina

 

Your parents aptly named you.  Only one better that I can think of would be Victoria.  Are you British? 

 

After looking again at your picture and the type of men you portray, it seems that you could fit into their world very nicely.  Its source is  obviously a red neck country magazine, I change my mind.  It should be Minnie Mae.

 

I have counseled with women on many occasions, even speaking on the subject at times.  Here is my stock "short" answer to your concern:

 

"Since there aren't any men taking issue here, I will speak on "baggy" pants for men.
Most women are envious of the men's 'tight and muscular' butt, still enjoy looking to their heart's content.
Most men like freedom, freedom from tight and binding pants. "Baggy" is the ultimate in freedom. We dress for the moment."

 

I feel that you have more interest in your basal desires than for the comfort of men.  If you could overcome this you would be a lot closer to becoming a women who "fits into society."

 

Hope this helps ~~ Thanks as always for asking, Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Her feet hurt when wearing shoes

Dear Dr. Jim

I'm writing this in hopes that you can help me out. 

My feet are killing me!  Seems none of the shoes I ever can buy really fit me.  At least that is what my son tells me.

What can I do with this if the shoes don't seem to be helping my feet?

Ms. Tenderfoot in Basking Land

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Ms. Tenderfoot

Your shoe story is great!  My uncle used to say that 'if the shoe didn't fit then don't wear it.'  That is the gist of your problem, I like that you've figured that much out!  Beware of your son's not-so-helpful advice.

My foot doctor has me wear athletic shoes all the time with an arch support, the green generic kind that sporting goods stores sell.  Mine are NIKE runing shoes.  My church and dress shoes are a pair of black walking shoes also fitted with arch supports.

Without the arch supports my feet get to hurting pretty fast.  You might like to try that with the arch supports.

Hope this helps, Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Finding a companion helps

Dear Dr. Jim

I am writing to you in hopes of finding myself a companion.  For six years now I have been seeing this doldrums older man.  Now I have realized that there is no hope for a lasting and God blessed relationship to develop from any more of living like this.

I am thirty-seven years old, female, and a Christian with blue eyes and blond hair.  My height is five foot five inches and I weigh 115 pounds.  I graduated in my high school in the top ten percent of my class and have attended college a year and a half studying English for a major.

I am sending you my picture but please do not post it on the Internet with this letter.

Thank you, Dr. Jim.  I hope very much that you can help me.

Bea (for Beatrice) in Butlerville, Nebraska

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Ms. Bea

As you have been reading my posts of the past you will not find any matchmaking posts.  I do not wish to start finding people dates now or ever.  Your picture is fine but please don't go passing it around.  Looks alone doesn't go much beyond opening a door.

However I will try to give you a few hints.  First off, yes by all means ditch the old man.  That may be hard as you two have been knowing each other for several years now.  But after that time if he had thought very much of you he would have asked for your hand in marriage. 

That is the gentleman thing to do and you haven't mentioned that this has happened.  After a proposal then it is up to you as to what will follow.  Marriage I recommend as it helps cement this relationship by giving it a sense of permanency.

So assuming you two split, then consider yourself 'in the market' for a new companion.  Where to look?  My mother always told me that I would not find a nice girl in a bar.  Per her recommendation I suggest that you not let yourself be found in a bar.  For a Christian to be found in a bar it will always make you feel a little ashamed and demeaning to yourself.  Heaven only knows what the fellow will be thinking.

I would recommend that you find a church with a nice singles program and start visiting church and its activities frequently.  If they don't suit you look for another.

Another thing to do is to enroll in a college class at night.  It wouldn't hurt to finish your degree if you still want this training.  Or you could explore fields of study by taking the corresponding introductory classes.  If it fits your plan, then choose areas of study where there will be at least as many men in class as women, or more.

I always told my students to get a dog if their landlord would allow.  While it might be forward or hard because of timidness for someone to walk up and chat with one of the other sex there really aren't many problems with admiring a dog.  Of course he has to chit chat with you, the owner, about the pet as the pet can't return your comments in conversation. 

After a few times of this meeting with the pet it will be time for one of you to ask for a meeting in a different setting.  Like a coffee shop or a cozy, not-too-fancy, restaurant.  Or go to church or visit your class if the prof would concur.

It wouldn't have to be exactly like this but you get the drift.  Meet and get acquainted.  Then evaluate each other in light of each of your objectives and goals for a mate.  Who knows?  If love steps in then this will all come more naturally.  But give it a chance.

Amazon.com has self help dating books, as does your library.  Find one that seems to fit your situation. Amazon has these, and see if your library does: Dating for thirties (three titles); Dating for middle age (thirty-five titles, one works because I know some one who used one of these techniques).  Also Google can help try asking your librarian.

Hope this helped a little,  Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now:

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Reader will soon be 70 and wants to drown himself!

Dear Dr. Jim

About a dear reader, Mr. Buzzy Munso, drowning himself in a sea of 7-UP.

That was all because of him going to have his 70th birthday.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday Dear Mr. Munso,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you.♪♪

I agree, the 70th BDay is pee-poor!
On my 70th I was going to run away. Well I did, but I ended up running with Mrs. Jim and Karen to NYC. Not literally running but Karen did run the NYC Marathon that year. She invited Mrs. and me to come with her. Otherwise I would have gone by myself.

Same for the 75th, it is worse. Again I was going to run away but Mrs. Jim wanted me to go with her to the WorstFest in NewBraunfels, TX, so WE did that instead. I blogged about it which I think you read.

But the nastiest BDay of all is 78. I was like you, really down. No parties, no one comes near, and the like! That is the age when you SOUND OLD! 68 SOUNDS OLD too, but 78 IS OLD!

So for your sake, SHOULD I hope you never make it to be that old? Or SHOULD I be praying for you that you will make it?

Love you, Mr. Buzzy! <3 You do fine!

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)
Submit your question or comment in privacy now:

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Husband has a belittling job says wife

Dear Dr. Jim

I am at odds about my used-to-be retired husband, Mr. Tom. He taken a job at a discount department store.

Really I don't care if he works to make extra money or to get out of the house for a break.

The trouble with this job is that it is beneath his education and qualifications. Mr. Tom has a bachelors degree in chemical engineering and has worked 47 years with a major petroleum company.

Mr. Tom isn't doing engineering. He is greeting customers and handing them basket carts. His favorite task is checking in the articles that the customers bring in for a refund or exchange.

One customer actually spit on Mr. Tom when he tried to put a yellow 'return' sticker on his new wrist watch.

This job of his is very humiliating for me. My friends tease me about the minimum wage job he has and also some call him a "cart pusher" at the XYZ store. Several of them now avoid me and look the other way if we pass on the street.

I cannot change his mind.

Helpless Mrs. Tom in a small town

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

.

Dear Mrs. Tom

.

I hate it that you are feeling helpless. I have several very rich friends who are taking minimum wage jobs. Those are fairly plentiful for the older retired men. Ladies' jobs are harder to find.

.

Most likely Mr. Tom resents your needling him which I believe that you are doing to him. It is too bad that your friends are acting their snobbish ways.

.

My recommendation for you is that you stop asking him to quit and get yourself some activities. They needn't be wage earning for pay.

.

Volunteers are needed in the schools, nursing homes, senior citizen residences, restaurants, and in churches among many other places.

.

If you were to busy yourself in an outside activity then you would meet new friends from other walks of life and social status. Many of them would admire your husband's fortitude in taking a simple job which keeps him busy and enables him to meet and help many needing people.

.

I hope this helps, Dr. Jim

.

An aside. I have several friends with more unique type jobs. One works at a golf course as a starter or a marshall. He enjoys this job very much.

.

Another works at funerals. The mortuaries don't want too many people on the permanent employee payroll due to the high price of benefits. If you husband has declined the XYZ benefits then part time won't be a problem.

.

Just sayin', Dr. Jim

.
So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now
To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.
(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Reader doesn't trust coin dealers

Dear Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim, I have a problem. I have this little suitcase, slightly larger than your ordinary carry-on bag, full of old coins.

My concern is that I don't know where to turn now that I want to redeem them. I just don't trust the coin dealers I have found.

Most of them seem pretty shady, their ads look like an open bid for larceny.

Please, please, Dr. Jim, tell me what to do. I am sure that my coins are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Suspicious in Toronto, Jack

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear SiT Jack

I had to laugh a little at your name, Jack. Like you are a "sitting duck," only a "SiTting Jack," for those nasty coin dealers!

Well Jack, I don't blame you for being suspicious. An awfully lot of them will rip you blind. They will underpay you every time. What you want is one who will be a collector for them and who will PAY YOU RETAIL VALUE.

This is the big rip-off in the coin business. You buy high at RETAIL and sell low at WHOLESALE. Then the dealer makes his huge profit, more than half of that rightfully and ethically should be your gain, not his!

The obvious way to change this scenario is to deal with a lady. Then it would now be a 'he' who is ripping you, rather a 'she.' But believe me, those women are even more crafty than the men! They get you coming and going.

So if I were you, I would just keep them. If you need the money and if they really are worth the hundreds of thousands like you think, go to an honest bank (is that an oxymoron ??) and TAKE A LOAN using them as collateral. The bank will want to keep the coins as they do when they give loans on jewelery.

This way you will have your money and spend it too. When you can't repay your loan then go into default. I promise you that you will make more off a deal like this than going to a coin dealer who will rip you off.

Most times the only way to do better is to find an honest and ethical coin dealer. These are hard to find but there are some. Unfortunately I can't figure out how to tell one. They are all wearing sheep's clothing as they say.

Jack, I do hope that I have helped you some.

Dr. Jim


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)Submit question or comment in privacy now To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

How to find a lost person -- smitten Ed wants to know

Dear Dr. Jim

I hope I haven't done anything wrong. Yesterday I befriended a lady on the elevator. She was a strange lady to me as I did not know her.

She was also strange in that there was an attraction which I could not account for.

I will call her Ms. Xy. Ms. Xy was acting a little bothered with a worried look on her face. I asked her if she were new in the city. She answered that she was and that was exactly her problem.

Houston, she said, does not have the mass transit she was used to in her city. She had come to our excellent medical center and now after being assured she was in good health she felt all alone with a bunch of cowboys and rednecks. Even the ladies spoke in a crass manner.

Wow, I thought, this is a bag of worms. There is nothing I could help here.

So I didn't try. Instead I asked her if she had visited our Montrose area. She had not been aware of this place so I suggested we visit there a little. We ended up at the Backstreet Cafe for some coffee and pastry.

We both proceeded to enjoy an afternoon of diversion in this trendy area away from the rest of Cowboy City. That evening I dropped her off at the airport and that was the last we saw each other.

This all sounds okay, but the problem is that I have lost her address and e-mail info. I believe it was in the trash I threw out when I cleaned up the car before going into the drugstore that day.

Our arrangement was for me to contact Ms. Xy giving her my address, etc. So all is lost unless you have some ideas.

Smitten by good, then the bad, Ed

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Ed

I do empathize with you. This indeed is a sad predicament as I can can tell you were almost to the point of infatuation with Ms. Xy. Even more so sad if there were two sided, mutual, feelings.

My first bit of advice is to not sit still. Try all of the ideas I am suggesting and be sure to weigh some that readers may suggest. Be careful if you have some ideas of your own. Try sounding them with a confidant before you do anything rash. You don't want to ruin everything.

First, Google her name. You would be overjoyed to see that she comes up on Facebook, MySpace, or has a blog. Often times Google will present a name, phone number, and address.

Next enter her name in Yahoo People search (link). Then try the White Pages (link). Both of these are free although White Pages has a hangup on wanting you to join. I joined but did not furnish my profile. That seems to have ended the hangups. Hopefully she will be trying these ideas herself.

Be thinking of organizations she belongs to, like a church or sorority, or her employer. If you can remember any of these contact them and ask them to leave a message from you to her. Ask her to contact you, explaining with a little fib that you had her phone number (or e-mail) wrong.

Do not ask to speak to her right off as they may get wrong ideas. Better, in the case she might be married or the like, mail her at the work or school, etc, address pleading your case and asking for her numbers again. Or to call you if that would be appropriate.

As a last resort, if you know who her doctor was, ask that they mail your note to her. Be sure to explain everything so they will know that your motives are pure. Under the Privacy Act they cannot give you any information about her.

I hope this helps. Please come here regularly to see readers' ideas as some are pretty good.

Dr. Jim.



So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

How to drive in the fog is need of newly moved couple

Dear Dr. Jim

For the last several mornings I have woken to find I am the only person who exists in the world. I look out my window and there is nothing beyond my balcony but white. The harbor and the entire town are gone — completely devoured by the fog.

As beautiful as I make this sound, this fog is a terrible nuisance to say the least. Neither of us are used to driving in stuff like this, but we do have to go to work in the morning. Also we have to come home, sometimes after the fog has set in

Dr. Jim, what do you suggest we do? My husband is very macho and just goes out, turns on all the car lights he can (we do have fog lights on one of the cars) and heads out. He drives with one foot just above the brake pedal ready to stop. And he has one hand just above the horn, ready to warn anyone who might even look like he will get in our way.

That isn't my style, I am a timid driver. Some days I can't even pull out of the driveway, I am so afraid a car unseen might be coming along. Other days I just plain stop on the side of the road and cry.

This can't go on, please help us.

Scared Silly in Seattle

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Mrs. SSS

I can help you with this like I have helped all the others.

First off, buy some polarized sun glasses. All you have to do is go to your favorite General Dollar Store. Do not buy the rather inferior $4.00 sun glass, instead get the more expensive six or eight buck ones.

More important however, is the fog adaptation conditioning situation. After a year or two you will fully accept the fog as as necessary and okay to live with coastal experience. I personally have put up with the fog now for 56 years here in the Gulf Coast area.

The biggest concern to you should be to drive defensively in the fog.
1. Always use your low beam headlights. Fog lights too if you have them.
2. Do not attempt to text while driving in the fog.
3. Be aware of other cars that may not have their lights on. It may not have seemed necessary a half mile back for them and now when they are in the fog they have neglected to turn those lights on.
[BEST JUST TURN THEM ON AND LEAVE THEM ON.]
4. Physically turn your head lights on as the regular daytime driving lights do not turn on your tail lights. PARKING LIGHTS ARE NOT SUFFICIENT.
5. Stay home until the fog burns away if possible.
6. Do not ride with anyone you do not trust. Even if they offer candy, liquor, or drugs.
7. Tune your radio to soft music if you can stand it. If that makes you nervous (it does me) tune in a classic rock station if you live close enough to civilization to pick up one of those stations.
8. Pay attention to what your husband tells you.
9. Do not talk back to your husband, he has both your interests at heart.
10. Try to get back home in the evenings before the fog sets in.

These are pretty good ideas for the both of you if your macho hubby will heed them. If he won't, at least you can set a good driver example.

It won't hurt you one bit to cry a little about the frustration. You do need to relieve your tension in some way. Crying and listening to music seem to help.

If you have found friends at your new home, call them on the phone. That gets your mind off the foggy stuff too. Warning, please don't text while driving in the fog. Save that for sunny days.

Hope this helps,
it should,
Dr. Jim


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Overeating man can't control his eating or his car

Dear Dr. Jim

I am having trouble with my car. Could it have a mind of its own?

Every time I pass by a MacDonald's it wants to turn in. Several times it has done that on its own, just drove in and parked.

Most of the time this happens I don't know in advance until we are in the lot, parked.

When I do realize in time to avoid that place the steering wheel often pulls beyond my strength. Then, once more I am parked in the lot.

I could drive back out but I just don't have the will power to do that. So I go in and have a couple of cheeseburgers, fries, and a drink. Most times I finish with a hot fudge sundae since they are on the dollar menu right now.

Please help me, Dr. Jim. I am gaining weight. Things are out of control.

Happy Meal Hank in Freesburg, Virginia

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear H M Hank

This is one of those rare occasions where I cannot possibly believe what I am reading. A grown man, I assume, taken over by his car. A machine at that. Machines will not rule.

Having said that, most times I would trash a letter like yours.

However I sense a problem here. It is a genuine call for help. Help for an over-eater.

Please do not delay, but call your local OverEaters Anonymous as soon as possible.

Do not pass go but please pass the MacDonald's. I feel you are stopping at other fast foods as well even though your favorite may be MacDonald's.

Please read about Overeaters Anonymous on their Web site (link). When you are ready click on the top in the header, the "find a meeting" button.

I found twelve meeting locations within 25 miles of my home. They were meeting every day of the week! Even Saturday mornings. At the bottom, in red are these words, "You do NOT have to register to ATTEND any OA meeting."

I hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

And please do take advantage of these Overeating Anonymous people!

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Husband just wants a wife for a house and kid keeper

Dear Dr. Jim

I really hated to write to you but my husband says that I must. He thinks you can help me.

So here is my problem. I just hate to get out of bed in the morning.

Hubby gets up at 5:30 every morning and jumps in the shower. Then he makes himself some breakfast and reads the paper. At 8:30 he heads off to work. On weekends every thing is an hour earlier and then he goes with his buddies all day to play golf.

He wants me to get up with him. I can't see any reason why. All there is for me to do is house and garden work and take care of the kids. I do have a nice outside job in the afternoon.

Sleep Deprived Sally in South Minneapolisville

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Sally

It sounds to me like you don't have a life. Let us figure out how you might get one and stay married. (That may be an oxymoron.) Your situation appears to be more than a sleep problem.

I hate to say it, but it appears that your hubby has done 'family organization' as so many men in this world do, so you aren't alone. Done like in 'done deal.' But you didn't seem to be dealing, rather you were probably passive in this arrangement.

He sees it like this:

His duties are his job, eat, play golf. In that order.

He wants you to do house work, keep the kids. You might be lucky here as a lot of men want cooking and attention for themselves from the wife as well.

Since he had you write to me, then he may be open to this idea. You two sit down and rearrange your whole lives.

Make a general written daily schedule and put time for each other in that.

Next rearrange the activities. He should be doing chores after work, and if he insists on getting up that early he has an hour and a half or so do do chores in the morning, the kind that don't wake the rest of the family up.

In the last half hour of his morning chore time you make breakfast for him, the kids, and you. The kids can eat with you sometimes, others they can eat and run. It is important that at breakfast he have your company rather than the paper. Please do remember those kids can share in the family chores too if they are not already doing this.

In the evening let him prepare meals every other day or so. Regardless of whose turn to make supper, have family time during the meal. I hope the kids will sit down then too but that may be expecting too much. AND NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD ARGUE AT MEAL TIME, save that for someplace else in your schedule.

Remember this is just a start, you two will have to work out more. If things like this seem to give new hope to everyone, keep working on it.

If you can't get anything changed the go see a marriage counselor. Be prepared for divorce, he really isn't married right now, he is just living there having a good life. You then may have to get a full time job but with alimony and child support you will have about two thirds of his paycheck to live on.

I hope this helps and that hubby will cooperate, and that you can start getting more sleep,

Dr. Jim

Some resource reading:

Family chore chart ideas

Cooking for men ideas

Revitalize the marriage ideas


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

How to get rid the summer blahs -- Pooped All the Time has a bad case!

Dear Dr. Jim

Oh my, I have just had it. The seven kids cry all day long, my hubby hollers all time, and I cry even more than the kids. This has been going on ever since school got out this spring.

Dr. Jim, I really need your help, I just don't know how to get things straightened out.

Do you think I should run away when everyone is sleeping?

Pooped All the Time, in Cairo, Georgia

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear PAT

It sounds to me like you have a very severe case of the summer blahs.

What to do about it?

Running away might be the best for you. You'd be outa' here! Just don't look back, don't call, and move over to Alabama. There even if they find you they can't make you come back and they can't make you pay child support or give back the car and the money and all the stuff you take with you.

But what about the kids? I don't mean for you to take them, only half of your troubles would go away. It sounds like your hubby has a worse case of the summer blahs than you do.

No, what about the kids? Does Hubby holler at them too or just you?

If it is just you he hollers at I would have him seek professional help. The doc/shrink may want you to come too, most do. Then if that doesn't help him, ditch him. Be sure you can get the kids or their life will be miserable left there with that old coot.

If he hollers at the kids too, still he should try the help. If you run away, take the kids with you for their protection. I think they will stop crying over there in Alabama, it is a nice place. Except for their football teams, they play dirty pool (football) and are real bad.

What ever you do, the kids will need professional help as well. I'd say they will be much happier once you are happy but make sure a professional makes that decision.

Get a job over there in Alabama. Here (click, Alabama bad cafes) are some cafes you might want to stay away from in Alabama, eating or working.

A fresh surround is the best for you, with or without the old man.

Hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

Note: I picked Alabama to turn to because it is close, cheap, friendly, and is a fairly safe haven from the law. You are also close to Florida but they aren't cheap at all, their football teams also stink, and their law is archaic and favors men over women.

I like Dothan, Alabama for a medium sized town, Headland for a very friendly small one-horse town.

Doc Jim


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.