Husband drinks directly from the serving bottle

Dear Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim, I have a problem. I hope you can help me with it.

My husband drinks from the milk bottle! Don't you think this is totally disgusting? I sure do.

I think really he was doing this before we were married but didn't' do it at first whenever I was watching him. At least his sister said he did.

Again, please help me.

Sterile Lady Agnes in Raleigh

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Dear Agnes

Well Ms. Sterile, I hate to burst your bubble but I have found that most men do this. They also take sips from the wine bottle before putting it in the frig. And some men just go to the refrigerator for a drink that way (like this guy).

One thing you might should agree on is to not drink out of a bottle that will be served to guests not a part of the family. This is for sanitary reasons. But within the family germs are passed around willy-nilly anyway.

You might also tell him in a nice way how it bothers you. That you hadn't seen people doing this before and maybe, would he not do it for your sake. If my wife did ask me to stop like that I probably would.

Perhaps our some of our readers might have ideas on this subject that would help you. Or make you feel better about him doing it.

I hope I have helped some,

Dr. Jim

A gentleman never drinks beer from a bottle at a restaurant, I might add as an etiquette tip (link, see slide # 10). Dr. Jim

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Mother asks: "How to get son out of the house and on his own?"

Dear Dr. Jim

My son lives with us and won't leave for a place of his own. He is thirty-two and I feel he should be on his own.

Dr. Jim, he has a good job and can certainly afford apartment rent and grocery money. He doesn't date so there is no marriage on the scene to get him out of here. And he doesn't like especially other men, if you know what I mean.

Can you tell me how to have him leave. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he is a nice fellow and we still love him as much as we did when he was a baby.

Frustrated Mom in Cincinnati

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Dear Mom

You have to have him leave for his own sake. He needs the experience of being on his own. If he is alone he will have more chance of doing some activity where he might meet a nice lady friend. As long as he is home you are already his friend so why should he take chances on another?

Ask yourself, is it the expense you want shed of or it is that you wish more privacy for yourself. If you are not married then you may need his company. Get a dog when he leaves. There are a lot of abandoned dogs up adoption now-a-days during our recession.

If it is only because of the expense, charge him rent for room and board. Make it a reasonable amount but there is no reason you should be supporting him as he has a job.

Also try to find out why he hasn't left. If he is timid or insecure then you can help him find a nice place and help him learn how to cook and keep house.

If he is stingy, try to find out why he doesn't spend his own money. It may be to 'save up' for a time when he gets married. Then work with him, perhaps offering him a wedding subsidy from the money you will save by not having to keep him.

Although there are many other aspects to consider, I would have liked to have known if you are married. If you are then perhaps your husband has some good thoughts about how to convince him to leave. How does your husband feel about his staying, you didn't say?

Regardless of this, I would recommend that he leave for his own sake. You won't live forever and he should learn to subsist on his own.

Lastly you could do some research in this area. Helium, a nice sounding guide for parenting, has an article called 'How to get your adult child out of the house' (link) which has some good ideas. Some are fairly consistant with my advice here.

I hope this helps, Dr. Jim

One added thought. GET THAT DOG RIGHT NOW. When he leaves you will have still have some company. Keep the dog in his room and he might even get the hint without you being brusk about it.

Dr. Jim


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Why can't our dog do as it pleases? Reader wants to know

Dear Dr. Jim

I have a beef. Our subdivision is now requiring all dogs to be on a leash whenever they are off our own property.

Can they enforce this? My doggie, Fuffo, likes to do as he pleases.

Dogs should be free advocate, Muffie in Redland.

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Dear Muffie

Your question has a simple answer, no. NO.

They only way this could be enforced is if your deed restrictions give the subdivision leaders the authority to do this.

All you have to do is show them that you moved there for the freedom of your dog. And that you have read the deed restrictions which are silent (are you sure they are silent?) about freedom of dogs. And that the deed restrictions don't give them authority to control your dogs.

Then tell them you will sue if they continue to harass you about poor little Fuffo.

Notwithstanding all the above, the county or city will have authority to regulate the conduct of all your dogs off your private property.

Incidentally, I am a dog lover myself. We have a beagle, Adi our hound dog, and a toy poodle named Katrin (she's French). They are basically free but for their own protection we always use a leash when walking them.

I hope this helps you and Fuffo,

Dr. Jim

Read about Adi, our hound dog beagle, here.
Read about Katrin, our French toy poodle, here.


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How to find a lost person -- smitten Ed wants to know

Dear Dr. Jim

I hope I haven't done anything wrong. Yesterday I befriended a lady on the elevator. She was a strange lady to me as I did not know her.

She was also strange in that there was an attraction which I could not account for.

I will call her Ms. Xy. Ms. Xy was acting a little bothered with a worried look on her face. I asked her if she were new in the city. She answered that she was and that was exactly her problem.

Houston, she said, does not have the mass transit she was used to in her city. She had come to our excellent medical center and now after being assured she was in good health she felt all alone with a bunch of cowboys and rednecks. Even the ladies spoke in a crass manner.

Wow, I thought, this is a bag of worms. There is nothing I could help here.

So I didn't try. Instead I asked her if she had visited our Montrose area. She had not been aware of this place so I suggested we visit there a little. We ended up at the Backstreet Cafe for some coffee and pastry.

We both proceeded to enjoy an afternoon of diversion in this trendy area away from the rest of Cowboy City. That evening I dropped her off at the airport and that was the last we saw each other.

This all sounds okay, but the problem is that I have lost her address and e-mail info. I believe it was in the trash I threw out when I cleaned up the car before going into the drugstore that day.

Our arrangement was for me to contact Ms. Xy giving her my address, etc. So all is lost unless you have some ideas.

Smitten by good, then the bad, Ed

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Dear Ed

I do empathize with you. This indeed is a sad predicament as I can can tell you were almost to the point of infatuation with Ms. Xy. Even more so sad if there were two sided, mutual, feelings.

My first bit of advice is to not sit still. Try all of the ideas I am suggesting and be sure to weigh some that readers may suggest. Be careful if you have some ideas of your own. Try sounding them with a confidant before you do anything rash. You don't want to ruin everything.

First, Google her name. You would be overjoyed to see that she comes up on Facebook, MySpace, or has a blog. Often times Google will present a name, phone number, and address.

Next enter her name in Yahoo People search (link). Then try the White Pages (link). Both of these are free although White Pages has a hangup on wanting you to join. I joined but did not furnish my profile. That seems to have ended the hangups. Hopefully she will be trying these ideas herself.

Be thinking of organizations she belongs to, like a church or sorority, or her employer. If you can remember any of these contact them and ask them to leave a message from you to her. Ask her to contact you, explaining with a little fib that you had her phone number (or e-mail) wrong.

Do not ask to speak to her right off as they may get wrong ideas. Better, in the case she might be married or the like, mail her at the work or school, etc, address pleading your case and asking for her numbers again. Or to call you if that would be appropriate.

As a last resort, if you know who her doctor was, ask that they mail your note to her. Be sure to explain everything so they will know that your motives are pure. Under the Privacy Act they cannot give you any information about her.

I hope this helps. Please come here regularly to see readers' ideas as some are pretty good.

Dr. Jim.



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How to drive in the fog is need of newly moved couple

Dear Dr. Jim

For the last several mornings I have woken to find I am the only person who exists in the world. I look out my window and there is nothing beyond my balcony but white. The harbor and the entire town are gone — completely devoured by the fog.

As beautiful as I make this sound, this fog is a terrible nuisance to say the least. Neither of us are used to driving in stuff like this, but we do have to go to work in the morning. Also we have to come home, sometimes after the fog has set in

Dr. Jim, what do you suggest we do? My husband is very macho and just goes out, turns on all the car lights he can (we do have fog lights on one of the cars) and heads out. He drives with one foot just above the brake pedal ready to stop. And he has one hand just above the horn, ready to warn anyone who might even look like he will get in our way.

That isn't my style, I am a timid driver. Some days I can't even pull out of the driveway, I am so afraid a car unseen might be coming along. Other days I just plain stop on the side of the road and cry.

This can't go on, please help us.

Scared Silly in Seattle

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Dear Mrs. SSS

I can help you with this like I have helped all the others.

First off, buy some polarized sun glasses. All you have to do is go to your favorite General Dollar Store. Do not buy the rather inferior $4.00 sun glass, instead get the more expensive six or eight buck ones.

More important however, is the fog adaptation conditioning situation. After a year or two you will fully accept the fog as as necessary and okay to live with coastal experience. I personally have put up with the fog now for 56 years here in the Gulf Coast area.

The biggest concern to you should be to drive defensively in the fog.
1. Always use your low beam headlights. Fog lights too if you have them.
2. Do not attempt to text while driving in the fog.
3. Be aware of other cars that may not have their lights on. It may not have seemed necessary a half mile back for them and now when they are in the fog they have neglected to turn those lights on.
[BEST JUST TURN THEM ON AND LEAVE THEM ON.]
4. Physically turn your head lights on as the regular daytime driving lights do not turn on your tail lights. PARKING LIGHTS ARE NOT SUFFICIENT.
5. Stay home until the fog burns away if possible.
6. Do not ride with anyone you do not trust. Even if they offer candy, liquor, or drugs.
7. Tune your radio to soft music if you can stand it. If that makes you nervous (it does me) tune in a classic rock station if you live close enough to civilization to pick up one of those stations.
8. Pay attention to what your husband tells you.
9. Do not talk back to your husband, he has both your interests at heart.
10. Try to get back home in the evenings before the fog sets in.

These are pretty good ideas for the both of you if your macho hubby will heed them. If he won't, at least you can set a good driver example.

It won't hurt you one bit to cry a little about the frustration. You do need to relieve your tension in some way. Crying and listening to music seem to help.

If you have found friends at your new home, call them on the phone. That gets your mind off the foggy stuff too. Warning, please don't text while driving in the fog. Save that for sunny days.

Hope this helps,
it should,
Dr. Jim


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