Mother asks: "How to get son out of the house and on his own?"

Dear Dr. Jim

My son lives with us and won't leave for a place of his own. He is thirty-two and I feel he should be on his own.

Dr. Jim, he has a good job and can certainly afford apartment rent and grocery money. He doesn't date so there is no marriage on the scene to get him out of here. And he doesn't like especially other men, if you know what I mean.

Can you tell me how to have him leave. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he is a nice fellow and we still love him as much as we did when he was a baby.

Frustrated Mom in Cincinnati

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Dear Mom

You have to have him leave for his own sake. He needs the experience of being on his own. If he is alone he will have more chance of doing some activity where he might meet a nice lady friend. As long as he is home you are already his friend so why should he take chances on another?

Ask yourself, is it the expense you want shed of or it is that you wish more privacy for yourself. If you are not married then you may need his company. Get a dog when he leaves. There are a lot of abandoned dogs up adoption now-a-days during our recession.

If it is only because of the expense, charge him rent for room and board. Make it a reasonable amount but there is no reason you should be supporting him as he has a job.

Also try to find out why he hasn't left. If he is timid or insecure then you can help him find a nice place and help him learn how to cook and keep house.

If he is stingy, try to find out why he doesn't spend his own money. It may be to 'save up' for a time when he gets married. Then work with him, perhaps offering him a wedding subsidy from the money you will save by not having to keep him.

Although there are many other aspects to consider, I would have liked to have known if you are married. If you are then perhaps your husband has some good thoughts about how to convince him to leave. How does your husband feel about his staying, you didn't say?

Regardless of this, I would recommend that he leave for his own sake. You won't live forever and he should learn to subsist on his own.

Lastly you could do some research in this area. Helium, a nice sounding guide for parenting, has an article called 'How to get your adult child out of the house' (link) which has some good ideas. Some are fairly consistant with my advice here.

I hope this helps, Dr. Jim

One added thought. GET THAT DOG RIGHT NOW. When he leaves you will have still have some company. Keep the dog in his room and he might even get the hint without you being brusk about it.

Dr. Jim


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Why can't our dog do as it pleases? Reader wants to know

Dear Dr. Jim

I have a beef. Our subdivision is now requiring all dogs to be on a leash whenever they are off our own property.

Can they enforce this? My doggie, Fuffo, likes to do as he pleases.

Dogs should be free advocate, Muffie in Redland.

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Dear Muffie

Your question has a simple answer, no. NO.

They only way this could be enforced is if your deed restrictions give the subdivision leaders the authority to do this.

All you have to do is show them that you moved there for the freedom of your dog. And that you have read the deed restrictions which are silent (are you sure they are silent?) about freedom of dogs. And that the deed restrictions don't give them authority to control your dogs.

Then tell them you will sue if they continue to harass you about poor little Fuffo.

Notwithstanding all the above, the county or city will have authority to regulate the conduct of all your dogs off your private property.

Incidentally, I am a dog lover myself. We have a beagle, Adi our hound dog, and a toy poodle named Katrin (she's French). They are basically free but for their own protection we always use a leash when walking them.

I hope this helps you and Fuffo,

Dr. Jim

Read about Adi, our hound dog beagle, here.
Read about Katrin, our French toy poodle, here.


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Wants to train dog her dog not to howl -- dog disrupts family sleeping habits

Dear Dr. Jim

My question:
So, how did you get to be 106 years old, so soon?

But really:
I have a rescue Siberian husky/German shepherd/wolf-in-the-woodpile mix. He ululates every morning about 5:23am to go for an iditerod.

I've had the dog about 9 months, and have grown very attached to him, but this behavior gets me up every morning. It's interfering with my already pathetic love life.

Whatever should I do about it (the dog howling, not my love life)? Please don't say get rid of the dog or my male companion. I'm fond of them both, pretty much equally.

Tired in Oregon

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Dear Tired

Oh dear! Houston, we have a problem. No not with my age. For that take my age, multiply it times 70, add 25, divide by 33 and subtract 12. Then divide by 2.5 and multiply by two and subtract 20. That will be approximately 106.

Now with the sleeping problem. Go to bed earlier, the doggie will howl earlier, let him outside for a bit (put your robe on if it is cold weather), then you all go back to bed and sleep until your regular time.

Dogs can be trained not to howl. Our dog, Adi, only howls on demand or if she is ready for ice cream and beddy-bye late at night.

This is what DogTrainingClassroom.com has to say about breaking the Siberian Husky of howling:

"Your dog may make noise as its way of communication to you when he is lonely or bored. Your dog may howl to seek attention from you. However excessive howling can irritate therefore, training your dog not to howl or make noise is of utmost importance. There are a few simple solutions to solve this problem:

• For the first few days, try to ignore your dog when he/she goes into a howling fit for no apparent reason as any attention will reinforce the behavior. Praise your dog when he becomes quiet.
• Do use a squirt gun to spray water on your dog if excessive howling persists. This is to disrupt its behavior and your dog will associate howling as an unpleasant experience.
• Do praise and reward your dog immediately after it stops making noises and not ten minutes after. Your dog will not understand the reason for the discipline.
• Do use an anti bark collar for further training whenever you are not around and your dog is not fully train yet so as to be thoughtful to thy neighbors."
  http://www.dogtrainingclassroom.com/siberian-husky-training.html at the bottom.
  

I hope this helps. Above all, do not get rid of the mate or the dog!

But hurry and stop the dog from ululating or the mate might get rid of you both. Or get you both trained to get up with him every morning. You could read the newspaper, ours has come by then.

You might even train him to bring you the paper for you.

Thank you for your confidence, Dr. Jim

[We do have a new (to us) toy poodle who will take a running socks from my shoes if I leave them laying on the floor. It looks like she'll be training me to put them away in the dirty clothes basket.]

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Wife can't cook. Can she cook like Mom? No way. All hope to impress her mother-in-law faded. What to do? "How to" advice needed very quickly.

Dear Dr. Jim

Please, please, Dr. Jim, can you help me, quick!

I want so badly to cook like my mother-in-law but try as I can, it all tastes like cr*p. Even the dog won't eat most of the stuff I cook.

My husband visits his mother every day just to eat a decent meal. The worst part is that he has given up eating what I cook. He won't even try my food anymore. He makes his own breakfast, eats at noon with Mom, and stops at MacDonald's on the way home.

Hopeless Wanna Be Cook in Indiana

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Dear Ms. Hopeless

Cheer up, no one is hopeless. Even Elizabeth Bathory -- "The Blood Countess of Transylvania" back in 1560 had hope for a while! Of course she had to die for her heinous crimes, but no one hardly ever dies from bad cooking.

I truly believe you are a bad cook. We can fault your Mom here. No mother should ever turn a girl loose on a man unless she can cook good.

Remember that old saying, "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?" You must be good looking or blonde. Then for a little while, cooking doesn't matter. But now I fear you are finding out.

Quick, buy a copy of Betty Crocker's COOKBOOK. That is the easiest good cookbook around. Then read it, a lot. Learn the types of food and basic preparations. YOU CAN LEARN!

Next, have a sit-down-talk with Hubby. Pick his brain and find out exactly what his Mom cooked that he liked. Get some good recipes, you might even call her to ask for her recipe for a certain dish she made.

Then try it. Refine what you cook, write down every change to the recipe so you can go back to point X, or keep the latest addition. When you like it, ask Hubby to try it. Keep your fingers crossed. Don't expect him to like it real well, instead ask him how you might improve this dish.

You could even let Mom-in-law give her opinion. Wait till you and Hubby think it is pretty good.

If this doesn't work, go eat with Hubby. Bring the dog home some doggy bags. Buy it prepared dog food often. You didn't say if you have kids, for their sake, I hope not.

And please don't invite me unless you do learn cooking really good.

I hope this helps,
always, Dr. Jim


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Lost dog can't be returned to owner in Bean Town

Dear Dr. Jim

I have a terrible problem. It involves my dog, my lawyer, and a cockeyed judge. The lawyer must not be too good either.

So I see you are an attorney, or at least have a law degree. Perhaps you can tell me what to do.

My dog, Spoofy, is a lovely white Pekingese (pictures) but she ran away a few of months ago while we were in the park. I put ads in the papers, nailed signs on trees (got a ticket for doing that, cost me fifty bucks) and would sit in the park every day and call Spoofy.

One day, I hear Spoofy answering me with a sorrowful bark that only Spoofy can muster. Sure enough it was Spoofy with a little old lady in tow on a purple leash. Spoofy wanted to come over to me so bad, but the little old lady wouldn't let her.

I told her politely that this was my lost dog, Spoofy. The lady said "No way. This is Buffy, she has been my dog for ages, I bought her." Well, that was a lie, and she knew it. But she wouldn't let me have Spoofy. We actually ended up yelling at each other.

Now, to make a long story short, I found who she was and sued her in Small Claims Court to get little Spoofy back. My lawyer said I didn't need a lawyer in that court, but could I prove Spoofy was my dog? Well sure, she had this scar where she got hit by a car six years ago.

The court decided it was Spoofy, but said it was powerless to make this little old lady give her back. But not to mind, the law was firm in this area, and to my benefit.

Poop! My benefit was $125 as the value of a Pekingese nine years old. And the cockeyed judge made her pay me. I wasn't about to take that money, told them where to put it, and said I would appeal.

Poop again! My crazy and ill informed lawyer said I couldn't get the dog back but that I should have taken the money as that was the best I could get.

A very disturbed Spoofy Mama in Bean Town

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Dear Spoofy Mama

This is indeed a misfortunate situation. It is even worse that you can't get your little Spoofy back.

Here is the legal background from where-in-after the judge got his decision. If Spoofy had been stolen, for certain you could have had Spoofy back. And if the thief had hocked her, the pawn shop would have to give her back to you. Spoofy is (was) yours.

However, this is not the case. I talked with the judge and with your lawyer. They both agree the dog Spoofy ran away and was not stolen. The law here dates way back to the English law, before the Boston Tea Party. You know all about that as it happened there in Bean Town.

Run away dogs become the property of a person who bought them from their finder. You could have gotten her back from the finder. The generally accepted rule, "finders, keepers, losers weepers" only applies if the true owner can not be found.

However, if a person in good faith buys this property things lost from the finder, even if it might be a pet dog, the purchaser is now the true owner.

Think of it this way. If you buy something from someone, you want to believe it is yours. You paid good money for it. But you say, I am the owner, Spoofy is mine.

No more in the eyes of the law. There are two innocent parties here, you and the LOL (little old lady). Which is the MORE INNOCENT? You, who couldn't control your dog and let her run away, or the LOL who paid good money thinking she was honestly getting a nice dog lawfully?

Obviously, the LOL. I am sorry Spoofy Mama, but your lawyer and the judge are correct here.

A couple of things you might do. First would to see if a local TV reporter would put it on the news about what a bum deal you got and how much you love poor little Spoofy. Maybe public pressure will make the finder pay the LOL for a new dog and buy Spoofy back for you. If this had been a dog kennel for sure they wouldn't want this bad publicity.

Another idea. Make friends with the LOL. Ask her to forgive you for hollering at her. Tell her how much you really love little Spoofy and could you visit her now and then? At least you will get to see her. And since you didn't take the money, perhaps at some time the LOL will feel sorry for you and let Spoofy come back to you.

I hope this helps a little bit.






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