Lonesome Lady Needs Friends

Dear Dr. Jim 

This is a hard to describe problem.  In a nutshell, I am lonely.

I shouldn't be because I am married but my hubby is a "Stick in the Mud".  He doesn't like to go anyplace except to work and to the gas station to gas up our car.  He watches a lot of TV, even travel pictures but they haven't shown him any place he might want to go.

We don't have any friends or relatives to speak of, I have a few Facebook "friends".  But I don't really know any of them, just they wanted to befriend me.  "The Stick" doesn't even do that or want a computer at all.  I would die without mine. 

I hope you can help me, 

Lonesome Beverly in Scranton 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Well, Lonesome Beverly, this is a sweet and sour write today. I feel like a Dr. Jim help note is needed here. Best for you is to associate with a group of widow ladies, hoping that some of them also like to dance. There are always some lady couples on the dance floor. 

Far out, and really works better for men is to try for being a professional dance escort aboard a line of cruise ships. Who knows, you might fit with someone who really cares for you. That second one is sort of on my standby bucket list, in case I am the survivor partner in our marriage. 

Before we moved to the west suburb of Houston there were a group of widow ladies who had made a waiting list for me. That probably isn't now, dissolved, although two of them have moved here also. 

A tidbit, I holed up for three years after a painful and expensive divorce (13 years married) I fortunately was surprised by my now wife at a landlady's monthly supper. My roommate and his then girlfriend convinced Mrs. Jim to wait for me as I had a class that night. One never knows, we have been married 49 years; she likes dancing more than I do though we are dancing.  

I still have one Janis Joplin CD sitting next to my Willie Nelson CD to use for practice to keep my dancing up.  So why not take as cruise, leave "Stick" home.   

Who knows, on your own, you might decide to ditch the "Stick" and get on your own. 

I hope this helps, 

Wannabe Cruise Ship Dancer (when I retire) 

Dr. Jim, Professor  

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous) 

D.J. P

 _  _ _ _ 

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

..

Worried Wife Gets Nervous

Dear Dr. Jim 

I have a problem.  It seems that when we are going some place I get nervous.

First of all I ask myself over and over, "Self, have you done everything you need to do before I leave?"  Sometimes that thought process it lasts so long that it makes me late for where I am going. Then I get really angry at myself for making me late.

Second though, is my constant worry that the rest of us or even others going with us won't be ready to go when I get ready.  I worry about this too, a lot.  

Sometimes my worry gets to my husband and the others and then they too become angry, at me. 

Please, Dr. Jim, I need your help with my problem.

Worried and Angered Sealy 

In Neverland, Iowa

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   

Dear Sealy, W&A 

I feel for your situation.  My daughters have this problem also, it is quite common.  

Researchers have discovered also that it is much more common in ladies than with men.  So then they researched along that vein. 

The research lead to a chromosome that is generally not common to women but very prevalent among men. 

Since I am not a medical doctor I won't attempt to diagnose your or others whether or not you or they fit along these lines or that this idea is even true. 

Most I have told this mentioned to their GP's and after a fairly thorough medical exam were referred to a 'neuro' doctor and were helped. 

I hope this helps you and your family situation

Let me know the Doc's verdict,

Dr. Jim 

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Husband would come in the fitting room with his wife. Is that Okay?

Dear Dr. Jim 

Well, Doctor, I'm pretty pertabated today.  My Missus is shopping for dresses, they hardly trade in those anymore. 

So I'm sitting in a nice chair at the entrance to the lady's fitting rooms. There's no one to fit you any more either. Things just aren't like they used to be. 

That also goes for shopping for clothes with your lady friend as well.  I'm the only guy in this whole store, about like the six. 

That gets to my question.  

Is it alright for me, her husband, to help the Missus with her fit in the dressing room? 

Just Like to Help the Missus; 

  in Need Help, Arkansas

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear JLHM 

Hi there, I hope maybe you've fixed this situation up by now.  I do hope so because I sure don't want to say anything bad off the cuff here.  

Let me start with these words, MOST WOMEN FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN A MAN IS IN THERE WITH THEM IN THE LADIES DRESSING ROOMS, even if all the other doors are closed or the curtains pulled. 

Saying that, I would not recommend that your Hub come into the dressing room with you.

If you would feel comfortable wearing your debatable purchase it is alright for you to wear it out in the Husband Waiting Area for him to see and help you if he can. 

And don't you dare say that I said he might sneak in if you two would be the only ones in the dressing room area.  I have seen that being done, most time that keeps the other women from coming in. 

I hope this helps, please keep your modesty for the rest of us. 

Any readers have something to say about this advice?

Dr. Jim, ambassador for doing right 

Oh yes, I do like the nickname, or is it her given, "Missus".  Sometimes I call my wife "Missy."

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Wife knows she was right -- Husband thinks he is right

Dear Dr. Jim

Sometimes The Hub, my husband, is a clunce.  He  really pulled my string yesterday. 

I was telling him of a new title his favorite author had released. The title was "Murder in Monterey" and it seems he had already known of it. 

So I offered to pick up a copy for him in the afternoon when I was out.  He thanked me and told me that he would really enjoy reading of his favorite detective's  adventures in Alabama, as he himself had always wanted to visit there. 

When I said it was in Monterey,  Monterey California, he began arguing with me and saying he had seen a picture of the cover and it was Montgomery.  

I couldn't convince him that I was right and that has ruined our day. I even told him to his face that he was being a clunce.

Dr. Jim, if you could get him to see my side I'd really appreciate your efforts.   Thank you.

"Generally Right" in Torrance 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Ms. Right

Oh my goodness, Ms. Right,  of course you were right again here. That, though, should not have been the issue.

You are NAUGHTY. Naughty to The Hub. When The Man is wrong tell him so, nicely. But just once, then let it ride.

He'll find out when you get him the book and he reads for himself. Then, if you haven't pushed the issue too hard and if you don't keep rubbing it in, he MIGHT apologize.

Not a big deal so don't you make it one. That is my Dr. Jim advice for the moment.

BTW there may have been a name problem here unless you have made up a new word. Clunce.

That may be true, you were thinking of two names, Clutz and Dunce.  Each has its own meaning, G o o g l e them as you might then decide you didn't want to use either one.

BTW, I have a friend who invented a new word. I helped her to enter it into the online Urban Dictionary ( https://www.urbandictionary.com ).

Your word, 'Clunce', is not there as of now. You may wish to enter it with a definition of your choice.

I hope this helped.  If you think I was too hard on you here please forgive me. (But I think I WAS RIGHT this time.)

Dr. Jim in Fulshear/Katy

p.s. "Pulling ones string" generally has the illusion of pulling a leash,  such as a leash attached to a dog's collar.

"Pulling one's 'chain' on the other hand gets one riled up when the stopper is pulled out, as the water in a sink as it swirls going down into the drain.

Just saying, Dr. Jim


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Lady has concern for the way men are looking

Dear Dr. Jim

I am concerned for the men in the The Millennials - Gen Next and of the upcoming Generation Z as to the way they wear their pants.  The picture I am sending you shows what I think they should be looking like.

.

Please help me out with this,

 Concerned Pristina in Old Waveyland   

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Pristina

 

Your parents aptly named you.  Only one better that I can think of would be Victoria.  Are you British? 

 

After looking again at your picture and the type of men you portray, it seems that you could fit into their world very nicely.  Its source is  obviously a red neck country magazine, I change my mind.  It should be Minnie Mae.

 

I have counseled with women on many occasions, even speaking on the subject at times.  Here is my stock "short" answer to your concern:

 

"Since there aren't any men taking issue here, I will speak on "baggy" pants for men.
Most women are envious of the men's 'tight and muscular' butt, still enjoy looking to their heart's content.
Most men like freedom, freedom from tight and binding pants. "Baggy" is the ultimate in freedom. We dress for the moment."

 

I feel that you have more interest in your basal desires than for the comfort of men.  If you could overcome this you would be a lot closer to becoming a women who "fits into society."

 

Hope this helps ~~ Thanks as always for asking, Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Wanted: Gift Suggestions for Shade Tree Mechanics

Dear Dr. Jim

I am writing you for some suggestions for Christmas and birthday presents.

What I have in mind would be items that shade tree mechanics might be needing to keep the family car in good shape.

They fix my car too, Ima Goode, Indiana resident

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Ima,

There are over ten thousand nice items in various auto parts stores and catalogs.  I would recommend without blushing NAPA Auto Parts stores.  There probably is one near you, we have three close by located in three different towns in three directions from our home.

You can do mail order or shop on line from most of these companies as well.  NAPA provides me with a calendar every year.  Check these of mine (link).

What to buy?

1.  Shop around at the stores

2.  Go on the Internet

3.  Try from this list I got from eMail.  They may laugh at the idea of some too  (I won't vouch for every item on this list):

"Automotive Gift Suggestions... Just in Time for Last Minute Christmas Shopping!

If you have an "automotive minded" person in your life, these gift suggestions should be considered.

1. Tire Air Change Kit. This kit comes with everything you need to change the air in your tires. This highly recommended but often overlooked maintenance item is much easier now. Remember to change your air every 3000 miles or twice a year. $25

2. Blinker Fluid. You knew it existed but, WOW, is this stuff hard to find. 4oz bottle. $12

3. Synthetic Blinker Fluid. Better yet! 4oz bottle. $24

4. Light Bulb Filaments. Why throw away a perfectly good turn signal or stop light bulb when you can just install a new filament? Premium Filaments, made in the USA! $1 each.

5. Manifold Heat. Yes, your exhaust manifold should be HOT. If it's not, you may need this item. Sold by the pound. $3.50

6. Steering Wheel Gaskets. All SIZES available! Email for specific application. From $9.99

7. Tie Rod Tensioner. Is your tie rod limp? Tension it with T-50! $14.99

8. Alternator Batteries. (4 required, replace them all!) From $2.99

9. Fan Belt Buckles. Specify brass or chrome. Gold available special order. $14.99

10. Muffler Bearing Manual. Print version $59.95

11. Muffler Bearing Manual. CD version $49.99

12. Universal Muffler Bearing Tool Kit $105.59

13. Muffler Bearing Hi Temp Synthetic Lube (the only kind we sell!) $40.24

14. Muffler Bearings From $19.95

15. Muffler Bearing Gasket Kits From $9.99

16. Momentum (required for tackling some off road obstacles). Sold by the lb-ft/sec $0.50

17. Microsoft Windows Eliminator. If your car or truck begins to run poorly, (long time to start, frequent crashes, etc.), it's computer, (ecm, ecu, black box, etc.), may have become infected with this nasty computer virus. This product will safely remove the virus. $199

18. Mirror Image Flipper Film. Did you know that the image you see in your rear view mirrors are reversed! This is a manufacturing flaw that the auto companies have kept secret for years as the recall would cost BILLIONS! This film can be cut and placed over any mirror to correct the image. Now you'll be able to read signs in the rear view mirror! $5 per square ft."

Some of our readers may have suggestions of their own too.  Caveat, I will not vouch or check donated suggestions out.  As with all donated and Internet help, I would ask your regular certified mechanic about all suggestions, even mine.

Ima, I hope this helps,
as usual, Dr. JIM

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Finding a companion helps

Dear Dr. Jim

I am writing to you in hopes of finding myself a companion.  For six years now I have been seeing this doldrums older man.  Now I have realized that there is no hope for a lasting and God blessed relationship to develop from any more of living like this.

I am thirty-seven years old, female, and a Christian with blue eyes and blond hair.  My height is five foot five inches and I weigh 115 pounds.  I graduated in my high school in the top ten percent of my class and have attended college a year and a half studying English for a major.

I am sending you my picture but please do not post it on the Internet with this letter.

Thank you, Dr. Jim.  I hope very much that you can help me.

Bea (for Beatrice) in Butlerville, Nebraska

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Ms. Bea

As you have been reading my posts of the past you will not find any matchmaking posts.  I do not wish to start finding people dates now or ever.  Your picture is fine but please don't go passing it around.  Looks alone doesn't go much beyond opening a door.

However I will try to give you a few hints.  First off, yes by all means ditch the old man.  That may be hard as you two have been knowing each other for several years now.  But after that time if he had thought very much of you he would have asked for your hand in marriage. 

That is the gentleman thing to do and you haven't mentioned that this has happened.  After a proposal then it is up to you as to what will follow.  Marriage I recommend as it helps cement this relationship by giving it a sense of permanency.

So assuming you two split, then consider yourself 'in the market' for a new companion.  Where to look?  My mother always told me that I would not find a nice girl in a bar.  Per her recommendation I suggest that you not let yourself be found in a bar.  For a Christian to be found in a bar it will always make you feel a little ashamed and demeaning to yourself.  Heaven only knows what the fellow will be thinking.

I would recommend that you find a church with a nice singles program and start visiting church and its activities frequently.  If they don't suit you look for another.

Another thing to do is to enroll in a college class at night.  It wouldn't hurt to finish your degree if you still want this training.  Or you could explore fields of study by taking the corresponding introductory classes.  If it fits your plan, then choose areas of study where there will be at least as many men in class as women, or more.

I always told my students to get a dog if their landlord would allow.  While it might be forward or hard because of timidness for someone to walk up and chat with one of the other sex there really aren't many problems with admiring a dog.  Of course he has to chit chat with you, the owner, about the pet as the pet can't return your comments in conversation. 

After a few times of this meeting with the pet it will be time for one of you to ask for a meeting in a different setting.  Like a coffee shop or a cozy, not-too-fancy, restaurant.  Or go to church or visit your class if the prof would concur.

It wouldn't have to be exactly like this but you get the drift.  Meet and get acquainted.  Then evaluate each other in light of each of your objectives and goals for a mate.  Who knows?  If love steps in then this will all come more naturally.  But give it a chance.

Amazon.com has self help dating books, as does your library.  Find one that seems to fit your situation. Amazon has these, and see if your library does: Dating for thirties (three titles); Dating for middle age (thirty-five titles, one works because I know some one who used one of these techniques).  Also Google can help try asking your librarian.

Hope this helped a little,  Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit your question or comment in privacy now:

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(I've read the rules, CLICK HERE NOW)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

TV football watching -- Wife wants to deprive husband

Dear Dr. Jim

I am asking you to give your opinion about a problem my husband has.

He loves to watch football on TV. That leaves me and the kids alone in the kitchen without any TV to watch.

Please tell him how selfish he is.

Thanking you, TV Deprived Woman, Gloriad in Garland, Texas

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Texas Gloriad

This something I hear a lot.

But woman, what is the problem with you getting off your kitchen duff and joining your husband? Give him some company watching his games. If you learned more about football you might even get to like it.

I see so many families who let the little children take over the TV. This makes no sense at all to me. Father works hard to buy it, when he is around and there is something decent for him to watch by all means let him watch.

Family time can be around the TV but all should submit the remote to Dad.

Sorry about this one, I hope it helps you. Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.

(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)

To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

Husband drinks directly from the serving bottle

Dear Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim, I have a problem. I hope you can help me with it.

My husband drinks from the milk bottle! Don't you think this is totally disgusting? I sure do.

I think really he was doing this before we were married but didn't' do it at first whenever I was watching him. At least his sister said he did.

Again, please help me.

Sterile Lady Agnes in Raleigh

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Agnes

Well Ms. Sterile, I hate to burst your bubble but I have found that most men do this. They also take sips from the wine bottle before putting it in the frig. And some men just go to the refrigerator for a drink that way (like this guy).

One thing you might should agree on is to not drink out of a bottle that will be served to guests not a part of the family. This is for sanitary reasons. But within the family germs are passed around willy-nilly anyway.

You might also tell him in a nice way how it bothers you. That you hadn't seen people doing this before and maybe, would he not do it for your sake. If my wife did ask me to stop like that I probably would.

Perhaps our some of our readers might have ideas on this subject that would help you. Or make you feel better about him doing it.

I hope I have helped some,

Dr. Jim

A gentleman never drinks beer from a bottle at a restaurant, I might add as an etiquette tip (link, see slide # 10). Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)
Submit question or comment in privacy now To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.(or CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)
To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.

How to share the family computer -- husband out if now, not of his choosing

Dear Dr. Jim

I sure do need your help. My wife hogs the computer here, and if she lets it loose the kids grab hold.

We can't afford two so mostly I am in the lurch. Once in a while I call in sick so that I can get on the computer during the day.

Other times I throw a fit (it would be a tantrum if I were a kid) about it and they all feel guilty. So then I may get to use it a little until they settle down and start begging with me for THEIR computer.

I really am missing my computer games and visiting with my FaceBook friends.

Please help me, Dr. Jim,

Andy in Andersonville, Arkansas

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Andy (really AAA, huh?)

Well now, you have gotten yourself into a mess, haven't you.

Really now, we could see this coming since you are all bound to just the one computer. Unfortunately you have drawn the short straw and are pretty much left out of the rotation.

Our solution is to get you back into the rotation. You must call a family conference and ANNOUNCE that you also need some prime time computer time.

It would help if Mrs. Andy will support you in this. You can ANNOUNCE to her as well but things will go a lot easier for all if she approves ahead of time.

Here is what you do:

1. Divide the evening hours that you all have into 30-minute segments on a piece of paper. Keep in mind that some of the children may have earlier bed times than others and than you adults.

2. Have everyone write their preferences in time for all the slots, from one (1) to as many as you have in common.

3. Start at square number one and write the names of those who want this early time. Mrs. Andy may not want these early ones if she is going to prepare supper. THIS MAY BE THE TIME WHEN YOU SHARE--FROM HERE ON--IN THE PREPARATION OF MEALS to give her some prime time for reading her e-mails and the like.

4. In a hat, place the name token (that you have made for each) for those desiring this time. If possible let someone who has not wanted this time to draw. The name drawn will get the time.

5. Leave the name just drawn out and put in anyone else whose token is not in from the last drawing. Remove any one's who does not want this time. Let a person who is not in the hat draw. The person who won the last drawing would be good for this.

6. Repeat the process until all slots have names assigned. Easy way to do this, cross out everyone except the winner where they first wrote. You could have a fresh schedule but this leads to problems of one's word against the other about mistakes.

7. Put the all the name tokens back into the hat when it becomes empty. Watch that the distribution of times is equal until the kids start going to bed.

8. Repeat steps 5, 6, and 7 for all the days of the week. Weekends may be on hold until everyone's weekend schedule of activities is firmed up.

Some notes:

It will be obvious that the ones with later bedtimes get more time. Make sure that those with early bed times get their share until they go to bed.

You might want to start a family kitty for another computer. Put in everyone's spare change or a portion of it. Add an assessment of a portion of jobs and allowances, sort of like an income tax. You could have a lawn sale or do all sorts of things to get money.

I did not mention the kid's homework. Give compensation time for when they are not in the drawing because of homework. If some of the homework is to be done on the computer a priority can be had for this. You should watch over to keep them honest (part of their family training) to be doing only homework.

You and Mrs. Andy can each stop in briefly at the library if you pass near one so that you can get e-mail. You probably won't have time to answer, this can be done in your computing time.

A lot of people are doing the previously mentioned e-mail checking at computers at their work. Most firms don't care if privileges are not abused as this activity on company time and resources improves moral.

Hope this has helped you out of your problem, it really was/is a family problem.

Dr. Jim

A Colombo: I purposely referenced the AAA in my greeting because my idea for the solution to the computer time situation is similar to the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) approach to problem drinking.

And you, staying home from work just to play and use the computer. Talk about addictions, you need to think about this one. Dr. Jim

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)
Submit question or comment in privacy now

To read the rules and/or submit a question, click here.(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.)
To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual.