Friday, March 7, 2008

Online dating leads to marriage -- wishes by him, not her

Dear Dr. Jim

I met Ambre blogging and want to marry her, but we've never met face to face, and she is a little skittish about what her grown-up kids (and all those other bloggers!) might have to say about all this.

I know your background is in law, but it seems to me that, having lived 106 years, you probably know something about love and relationships, too. And how to deal with nosy bloggers. What course of action would you suggest for us?

signed... Mickie

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Well, Mickie, let me apologize for being so slow in answering your letter. I am truly sorry. Let us just say a lot of things happened.

My instincts say go for it, WITH CAUTION! Having said that, I did a little research and some soul searching from my experiences.

I did have a student who had been e-corresponding with a fellow for about six months and then wanted to meet and become engaged. They did.
I have not had any contact with this (former) student since. I often wonder, was this guy OK, did they marry, or is her body still being eaten by the fishies in the sea.

So that was not much help, probably your hoped for fiance may be having similar worries about you. It is easier for her to cop-out and say that her kids and friends may not approve of you and the relationship than to tell you of her worries.

As I see it, your biggest job, and problem, is to get Andree to want to give you a chance. Then both of you could take it from there and proceed like a more conventional meeting which may lead to a relationship.

When I married Mrs. Jim my children were not asked by me and I don't think by Mrs. Jim (I did not ask her about this matter). I do believe the kids all liked Mrs. Jim a lot before the marriage. Why else would they all be so eager to participate in our wedding?

Not much research for you to show her. I did find these statistics: "17 percent of online daters--or nearly 3 million American adults--have turned online dates into a long-term relationship or marriage ... " according to Mark Penn's book Microtrends.

Also Ambre and you can read Trista Winnie's nice little article, Online Dating Can Lead To Marriage, in her Common Sense Blog. She discovered the above statistic by Penn. Then read the first few articles found in this Google search.

Although we are several generations apart, I basically agree with Trista, in that Online dating is now acceptable. From this belief I feel it is reasonable to presume that some of these relationships can lead to marriage.

OK, my common sense says to do these things:

1. Meet Ambre in person.
2. Don't push the marriage thing right now, just get to know each other personally.
3. Depending on your separation distance, do some dating. The distance will in part regulate how much dating.
4. Meet the kids. Try to establish some rapport with each other.
5. If things look good, mention marriage again.
6. I think you can handle it from here. Either one thing will lead to another or it may all fall apart. Time tells this thing, both of you must think there possibly is a future for the two of you with the kids.

You will notice I didn't give the bloggers the time of day. If you two get along, Ambre will just give a blog report of things and go on. The bloggers opinions will matter less and less to her.

I hope this helps a little, with Ambre and you.

Dr. Jim

One note here. If things don't work out, just go back to your blogging.

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
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