Her kid hates going to the barber - "Barber Shop Blues"

Dear Dr. Jim

My son, now age five is totally freaked out everytime he gets in the chair for a haircut. He acts like the barber is going to kill him everytime he goes.

Poor poor boy! This has been gong on now for two years and he stills freaks out every time he gets haircut.

He just had his haircut for this year last night and same reaction, the barber got so nervous because my son screamed and squealed as if the barber is going to end this poor boy's life.

What am I to do?

Freaked out too, Mom in the Augusta burbs

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Dear Freaked out Mom in the burbs

First thing, little boys should have their hair cut more than once a year. Shame on you, that is something you have control of.

He is old enough after two years of terror to make some choices so why not let him participate?

Try offering to cut his hair. It isn't that hard, while you are learning on him he will be looking better and better as the both of you progress.

His other choice would to act like a BIG BOY and stop all this fussing but go to the barber.

Talk with him to see what it is he doesn't like. Some kids have been pinched or otherwise frightened by the barber.

If that or other ilk has happened, offer to take him to a new barber, but only if he won't fuss. If he fusses, it is Mom in the burbs doing the cutting for years and years!

Hope this helps,

Dr. Jim

One more word here. I am the father of five children, I could never have been able to put with behavior like your kid is exhibiting. If there are no problems, then he is just getting attention. If necessary, I would give my kids the Wood Shed Cure, you may need to try that. Google that term if it is a strange one for you.



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"How do we determine a competent professional?" asks a reader in South H.

Dear Dr. Jim


Very frequently, you advise that people seek professional help. But many of us have lost faith in the professional community because of the many reports of their members' ineptitudes.

So how do we determine a competent professional?

Ray asked from South H.


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Dear Ray

Here are some rules about finding a competent professional:

1. Talk with your friends. They may know of some good professionals in the area you wish, or they may have had personal experience with some. Remember, you are looking for good points and bad points, no one, not even a professional, is perfect.
Note also that this makes you vulnerable, your friends will be asking (perhaps not to your face), 'why is Ray concerned with finding a good professional?'
I generally work around this problem by talking in disguised content, like 'my friend--a name you make up--is trying to find ...'

2. Make an appointment. Your gut feeling and instincts are good here. If you feel uneasy tell the person you think you will be getting several opinions.
Don't hurt the professional's feelings here. I once told an ear doctor who was having trouble diagnosing the ringing in my ears that 'it was all in my head, right?' That doc got mad, left the room and slammed the door on his way out. That was the end for us two.
He couldn't take a joke, at least not this one!

3. Do you realize you are writing a book of your life? Many don't. So is your professional, try to read his or hers the best you can.

The first volume is the e-mail log. Big brother can find those old risqué e-mailings and use them for evidence. Just look at our astronauts here in Houston and the poor District Attorney. Each of them have lost their jobs because of what was said (real steamy stuff) on cyber-space.


The second volume is in what you see on your computer. Not everyone can boast that they always watch and read just the good stuff. When I run into something on an acquaintance's blog or e-mail that is in poor taste, I remark to them that I had a hard time bringing it up. That I had to override my kiddie filter. Most times they will appologize and promise to straighten up some. Other times, they just Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: it without reading to the bottom. I did this once, to my own kids. It was embarassing, the punchline, which I didn't read, was not good.

The third volume of your book is compiled from your check book and credit card transaction records.

The latter tells where your practical values are. The first two reflect upon your moral life.

There is a saying, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Here and Luke 12:34)

4. Check with the professional registry. For example, the State Bar of Texas has on their Web site, after a search for a given attorney, all disciplinary actions taken against the lawyer for a period of ten years. Many other professionals have registries similar.

5. Be sure to check on your state on-line Sexual Preditor Search Registry (link) (Texas). You can search for problems here by entering the professional's home address. While you're at it, do a check on your own address to find any of those preditors who might be living near you and your children.

My list in not nearly comprehensive enough, but I feel it is a good start for you.

And as always, I hope I have helped you, Ray, and all the others who read these pages.

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Dr. Jim also tells us here:

... where a persons treasure is, there ...

Three indicators of what is important to you

e-mails and computer use
credit card use
checkbook





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Do earlobes grow with aging? Still young reader is getting worried

Dear Dr. Jim

Last night on TV I watched "Two and a Half Men" and the protagonist of the episode, Charlie Harper (played by Charlie Sheen) kept insisting that the older a woman gets the longer her ear lobes get. And, of course, that's why he doesn't want to date older women (He's around 40 and dates women in their 20s and 30s).

What I NEED to know is "Is it true?" Do women's ear lobes get longer as they age? This is a very important question to me. I don't want long, skinny, floppy ear lobes as I sail into my mature years or, rather, my maturer years. So far my ear lobes are firmish but I'm really scared. And if it's true that ear lobes sag, what does one do about it?

Is there a cream, or something to apply? Are there collagen injections for lobes? Is there some sort of surgery to tighten them? Please answer ASAP. I feel them stretching out as we speak!

Ms. Poet in Downstate

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Dear Ms. Poet

I am so glad you asked this question. Aging as it pertains to beauty may be the number one worry in the United States at the moment, just ahead of s*x, money, health, and politics.

A healthy outlook on aging will allow some worries about how we look in our older years, but an awfully lot of people get carried away. Fear of aging and its results often rises to the state of an unjustified phobia, called gerascophobia. Gerascophobic persons are prone to depression further compounding their situation.

All that is to let you know where I am coming from when I suggest you seek medical help. You must do this swiftly, procrastinating will see you soon shunning treatment that is needed.

I agree with you in that the earlobes do grow at older ages. I would suggest there are both medical and surgical treatments. You might read some of these references on-line (link). Especially appealing to me was an article on cosmetic surgery of "older patients who have a face-lift may choose to have their earlobes reduced at the same time because earlobes grow and stretch with aging, and may look out of proportion after a face-lift." (CNN.com 2002 cyber-article)

Some of these articles tell how the earlobes actually do grow in aging. When I read these, though, I felt you were not yet at this crucial age. And I did not find any plausible sounding crème to stop this growth.

By seeking professional help, even though there is no earlobe problem at your age, you will have a benchmark on the size of them while they still retain their normal beautiful length. Then by making periodic visits to your physician you can get accurate lobe growth rates and severity correlation when any growth does occur.

There is a bright side here. Have you noticed that older men tend to have very large noses and ears and other features from top to bottom, from their large balding head to their shoe sole like earlobes? Those men would trade for just having long earlobes and a little excess facial hair any day.

Problems of this sort often remind me of the old story of the fellow who lost twelve ugly pounds. How did he do it? He had his head cut off.

I hope I have helped a little in your situation. Aren't you glad you watched that TV program! Except for the hoped for growth preventative crèmes, you were on top of the problem here. Now you stay on top and go see your doctor very soon.


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Her cat pees on the furniture -- reader is "annoyed"

Dear Dr. Jim

I'm having a problem with my Elmer, my cat. He is peeing on the furniture and all over the place, just hauls off and goes where he wants.

Last night was the last straw. I came home from the mall and guess what? He had peed on my jacket, my new and exotic Clara S. Zebra Jacket.

Now it smells to high Heaven. The cleaners say they can take out the stain but not the smell.

Annoyed by Elmer, Elma in Princeton

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Dear Annoyed

I can't stress to much here, the cat must stop it or go. He is creating a terribly unsanitary condition. You didn't say if you have kids but if you do they should be evacuated immediately! Cat pee in furniture is hazardous to health.

If he is going in just certain spots, you can try a good cat repellent. Most pet stores carry that. You have to spray every day in the places they go.

You might be interested in that I had a cat get into my pickup truck one night. That cat must have been drinking gallons. My leather jacket could not be redeemed, all her pee had saturated the lining. Your cleaner is right.

Another suggestion we used with a cat that kept climbing the draperies. That cat became an OUTSIDE CAT real fast!

"'Inappropriate elimination' is the No. 1 cat behavior problem. Betsy Lipscomb, founder of Cats International, a volunteer organization that provides free telephone counseling for desperate cat owners, told me that of the almost 5,000 calls she gets a year, nearly 90 percent are related to out-of-the-box soiling. It is the most common reason cats are turned in to shelters, where the likelihood is minuscule that a Persian cat who pees on the Persian carpet will find a new home." Me Against the Cat Pee By Emily Yoffe, Slate.

According to Ms. Lipscomb, having a clean and desirable litter box will solve 80% of the problems. Check it out to see if you are filling Elmer's bill here.

Incidentally, the Slate article is a rather old, but humorous, story about a cat who had Elmer's problems. I doubt if the article will help you much but a laugh always does some good some way.

I hope this has helped a little, why don't you try Google for more solutions.

I don't mean to scold, but had your jacket been hanging in the closet it would be fine today.








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Cat Pee Pee Cat Advice Cat Advice

Boy Friend has problem with Girl Friend -- Chick's Ears, Elf's Ears, or Flat Ears? Help is needed!

Antarctica Wave stuff is toward the bottom here.


Dear Dr. Jim

My friend, let us call her Girl Friend, is loosing sleep. She says she is getting what she calls a "chick's ear." I have two problems with this.

First, she doesn't know how these words can be used and I certainly can't tell her how derogatory these words are towards her self image. These things are not spoken of around here. I think her friends are laughing at her behind her back.

The second is that her ears are very pretty, but she doesn't see them that way. She thinks they are too close to her head, like elf ears.

It may be her pillow is too hard, do you think that may be part of her problem?

At any rate please help me in know what to say to her about this and how perhaps I can help her.

Frustrated Boy Friend in Camden

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Dear Boy Friend

Wow! You guys both have quite a problem here! Have you ruled out that she may have a warped sense of body adoration? Please be honest with yourself and assess how you stand here. Then get to the root of any real problem as I relate a couple of possibilities below.

First let us address your first question about Chick's Ears. There are many definitions of this term. I relied on Google to help us all here (link to search chick's ear and elf's ear). I wouldn't use either one, Chick's Ear had many uses and doesn't explain much at all.

Elf's Ears on the other hand are flat, yes, but more on they seem to be romantic in nature. If I were to write a romance novel at this time, I certainly would have one of my main characters have these Elf's Ears. They are almost instant love, or love at first sight! I think Girl Friend would not like to be put in this spotlight either.

So, let's just say they are a little too flat. Now to look at the cause. First order could be hereditary, what do her parents and grandparents look like around the ears? In my unprofessional opinion, surgery only will correct this problem. Best to see her medical doctor.

The second leading cause is the improper use of the pillow. Approximately eighty-five percent of Americans use their pillow incorrectly. The ear should not lay ON THE PILLOW. Either sleep on the back or the stomach, doing this does much to help retain the structural integrity of the ear.

If Girl Friend insists on sleeping her side you might convince her to SLEEP DOWN ON THE PILLOW so her ear is off the pillow. I sleep this way myself.

If she can't seem to sleep this way, or moves up in her sleep, modification of the pillow is recommended. Cut an oval hole in the middle of the pillow, about five by three inches high and wide. She should lay her ear in the middle of this hole. A pillow case will keep others from noticing her strange looking pillow.

The principle of the hole in the pillow is that no head weight will be placed on the ear, allowing it to retain its natural shape.

Additionally she should no long be awakened by a sore ear, sore from being held down. People with tail bone surgery and other medical problems have been using a similar cushion (hole in the middle) for ages. The same principle applies to the flat or sore ear, whichever.

I hope this helps you. Do not hesitate to see Girl Friend's medical doctor either.

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To the readers:
1. My ears had the opposite problem, they stuck out too far when I was born. For several years my mother taped my ears down. I now have normal ears. They may even be 'handsome.'
2. I have been researching some questions concerning instant freezing in the Artic. An e-mail has been circulating with 'photos.' The pictures appear to be hoaxes to me but none of the hoax sites even mention them.

Perhaps I am ahead of my time, soon enough people might ask at these hoax finder sites.

In the meantime I am inviting reader input. Do so in privacy here.

Here is what I got:

"Subject: Fw: SURFS UP... Antarctica Wave"

"Make sure you see all the pictures. They are really incredible."

"This water froze the instant the wave broke through the ice. That's what it is like in Antarctica. Water freezes the instant it comes in contact with the air. The temperature of the water is already some degrees below freezing. Just look at how the wave froze in midair!"

Pictures (click on picture to enlarge):













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Why do Tigers eat and kill? Why do rabbits run? Kate wants a tiger and a rabbit for pets -- they won't cooperate, she knows!

Dear Dr. Jim

I've been confused. For a long time I have wanted a Tiger for a pet. And a little cotton-tail rabbit. But the rabbits all run from me and I've heard lately of deaths from ferocious tigers.

Why aren't these animals nice, playful, and docile like my cats?

Oh yes, to help you, they were all couped up with Noah on that ark and he didn't have any problems with the wild animals.

Animal Lover Kate in Pretoria, Indiana

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Dear Kate

I would suggest you not have either of those animals, nor any other wild animal as pets.

Yes, they were with Noah. They were friends of his, they all coexisted very nicely. That was back then.

Modern wild animals, ever since they departed the ark, have an inherent fear of people. Let's look at that for a moment.

Did Noah eat them for food while on the ark? No. Noah and his family were vegetarians.

Then, it all hit the fan! God said: "Noah, you can eat these animals. They will be ok for food!" He further went on and said to the animals, "I want you to fear all people from now on, because they will kill you and eat you." (see note below)

From that day on it changed. The larger animals tried to retaliate, they would kill man if they could to protect themselves from being eaten. Those who couldn't harm man became afraid of him and would run.

So now you know why tigers kill and rabbits run when you get too close.

I hope this helped.



Notes: Genesis 9:2-3 (Bible):
2 The fear and dread of you will fall upon all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air, upon every creature that moves along the ground, and upon all the fish of the sea; they are given into your hands.
3 Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.
[The entire account of Noah and the ark, the animals, and the flood can be found in Genesis, Chapters 7, 8, and 9 (link)]


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Noah and the ark Animals Flood Noah's ark Tigers Vegetarian Ark Noah

Lost dog can't be returned to owner in Bean Town

Dear Dr. Jim

I have a terrible problem. It involves my dog, my lawyer, and a cockeyed judge. The lawyer must not be too good either.

So I see you are an attorney, or at least have a law degree. Perhaps you can tell me what to do.

My dog, Spoofy, is a lovely white Pekingese (pictures) but she ran away a few of months ago while we were in the park. I put ads in the papers, nailed signs on trees (got a ticket for doing that, cost me fifty bucks) and would sit in the park every day and call Spoofy.

One day, I hear Spoofy answering me with a sorrowful bark that only Spoofy can muster. Sure enough it was Spoofy with a little old lady in tow on a purple leash. Spoofy wanted to come over to me so bad, but the little old lady wouldn't let her.

I told her politely that this was my lost dog, Spoofy. The lady said "No way. This is Buffy, she has been my dog for ages, I bought her." Well, that was a lie, and she knew it. But she wouldn't let me have Spoofy. We actually ended up yelling at each other.

Now, to make a long story short, I found who she was and sued her in Small Claims Court to get little Spoofy back. My lawyer said I didn't need a lawyer in that court, but could I prove Spoofy was my dog? Well sure, she had this scar where she got hit by a car six years ago.

The court decided it was Spoofy, but said it was powerless to make this little old lady give her back. But not to mind, the law was firm in this area, and to my benefit.

Poop! My benefit was $125 as the value of a Pekingese nine years old. And the cockeyed judge made her pay me. I wasn't about to take that money, told them where to put it, and said I would appeal.

Poop again! My crazy and ill informed lawyer said I couldn't get the dog back but that I should have taken the money as that was the best I could get.

A very disturbed Spoofy Mama in Bean Town

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Dear Spoofy Mama

This is indeed a misfortunate situation. It is even worse that you can't get your little Spoofy back.

Here is the legal background from where-in-after the judge got his decision. If Spoofy had been stolen, for certain you could have had Spoofy back. And if the thief had hocked her, the pawn shop would have to give her back to you. Spoofy is (was) yours.

However, this is not the case. I talked with the judge and with your lawyer. They both agree the dog Spoofy ran away and was not stolen. The law here dates way back to the English law, before the Boston Tea Party. You know all about that as it happened there in Bean Town.

Run away dogs become the property of a person who bought them from their finder. You could have gotten her back from the finder. The generally accepted rule, "finders, keepers, losers weepers" only applies if the true owner can not be found.

However, if a person in good faith buys this property things lost from the finder, even if it might be a pet dog, the purchaser is now the true owner.

Think of it this way. If you buy something from someone, you want to believe it is yours. You paid good money for it. But you say, I am the owner, Spoofy is mine.

No more in the eyes of the law. There are two innocent parties here, you and the LOL (little old lady). Which is the MORE INNOCENT? You, who couldn't control your dog and let her run away, or the LOL who paid good money thinking she was honestly getting a nice dog lawfully?

Obviously, the LOL. I am sorry Spoofy Mama, but your lawyer and the judge are correct here.

A couple of things you might do. First would to see if a local TV reporter would put it on the news about what a bum deal you got and how much you love poor little Spoofy. Maybe public pressure will make the finder pay the LOL for a new dog and buy Spoofy back for you. If this had been a dog kennel for sure they wouldn't want this bad publicity.

Another idea. Make friends with the LOL. Ask her to forgive you for hollering at her. Tell her how much you really love little Spoofy and could you visit her now and then? At least you will get to see her. And since you didn't take the money, perhaps at some time the LOL will feel sorry for you and let Spoofy come back to you.

I hope this helps a little bit.






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More problems with Christmas gift giving

Dear Dr. Jim

My sister gave my kids really crappy Christmas presents this year. We all draw names and the minimum was $50; however, they gave him a $5 gift card to McDonald's.

How do I handle the response to this? We bought their child a Wii game that was well over $50 with tax. Please let me know your opinion. I have googled your blog and it seems like you give honest responses to people's questions.

Thank you for the response, in advance.

Warmest Regards,
Trying Not To Be a Scrooge!

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Dear Trying

This is a common situation at Christmas or birthday giving time. Both of these situations then can be categorized for advice and adaptation purposes as Inequitable Gifting Syndrome, or IGS. There is a short answer and a long reply to your situation.

The short answer, and I am assuming it is your son's response that is bothering you, is to withdraw from the gifting. Your sister for some reason must feel that $5.00 is quite adequate for her nieces and nephews.

Best would be to leave it like that and with no remarks of sarcasm or hurtful conduct so as to cause any further family friction than may be underlying here.

Also, to treat this scientifically, instead of withdrawing, you would want to rely upon advice of paid professionals such as medical doctors or psychologists trained in family counseling. I am not one of these, merely an experienced problem column writer.

That said, I did do a fairly detailed analysis of your family's situation which is much too lengthy to put here. It is now in my archives, click here if you care to read it. I might warn you, it can be quite boring.

And thank you for telling of your respect for opinions given here in the past.



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Dig to China? Dig a hole to China? "Just Wondering"

Dear Dr. Jim Did you ever try to dig a hole to China? When I was little, my brother told me I could get to China by digging a big, deep hole. 

I dug a pretty big hole with my little shovel, but after awhile I gave up. Do you think my brother was just pulling my leg? 

Just Wondering 

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Dear Just Wondering 

Well, it would help if I knew how old you are. By the looks of your handwriting I would say you might be in your later 70s to early 90s. Your age is very important to me because in the old days people really believed this myth. I do believe this is the case here. However modern technology has not yet been able to substantiate this old wives tale nor can it really dispute it. 

Holes have been dug to tremendous depths to no avail. Most of the time the liquid molten earth core is struck resulting in a miniature volcano. Several lives have been lost in this research from these terribly hot substances. If you can hold on to life for a decade or two I am sure people (not you) can dig their way to China. 

Now, would this be a good thing? We are already overburdened with border protection issues and tasks. Imagine if the vast hoard of Chinese people would start swarming to the U.S. We already ship most of our rice to China, they would surely not have enough to eat here with most all our rice being exported. Did you ever try to buy rice in the grocery store? There is a long waiting list at most food suppliers. 

National defense would also be a problem. Ever since the Patriot Act was passed, much of the immigration work has been secretly delegated to FEMA. Now they just plain too are overburdened with work. You should try to cash a check an most any bank without divulging your Social Security Number (SSN). Big brother is watching you good, sister! 

There is a web site for unbelievers. Try here. Please note that you are to PUT YOUR ZIP CODE AT THE TOP ENCLOSED LINE and push the "FIND' button on THE RIGHT. It would have YOU moving to Chile or Timbuktu (map) so you could hit China. 

I hope this helped. If not, you pull on his leg for a while. More Wikipedia information (click) about Timbuktu, including the above map. 

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then, "Please ask your question or leave your comment now!" (Just ask me and you will remain anonymous) 

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(CLICK HERE NOW, I've read the rules.) To leave a comment or non-private question, simply leave a comment below as usual. China Dig to China Dig

Dig to China? -- Reader would like to take a shortcut to China

Thank you for coming.
This blog has been reposted,
click here for update.

[Just scroll UP if there is a blog up there]

Reader wants his second cup of coffee in the morning taste as good as the first one

Dear Dr. Jim

Why doesn't the second cup of coffee in the morning taste as good as the first one?

I've always wanted to know the answer to that question.

Ed, Morning Coffee Lover in Minneapolis

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Well, Ed, you have asked the 6.2 billion dollar question! And you came to the right place!

That is how much researchers spent last year trying to answer that for the coffee marketeers. My own research on this situation shows that you are not alone in wanting better (Google search).

A lot of these drinkers suggest a burned taste in their second cup. Some even make it one cup at a time, they say the second still is not so good.

What do I think? I hate to pin myself down, but I believe it is a fact of life that must be accounted for, one must develop a work-around solution.

So. Either for my second or third cup of coffee in the morning, I have something sweet to eat along with my not so tasty coffee.

That might be why some load up with cream and sugar in their coffee. Not for my coffee. How about you, dear readers?

I like the old saying,
"I like her bitter as I can git 'er,"
along with a piece of pie.




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Groper in Sumatra needs help with his wife

Dear Dr. Jim

I was happily married until a couple of weeks ago. Now my life is a total H**l.

Mrs. Joe B Haive just mentioned that it must have given Sandrama Lamy a thrill(click this link) to grope Santa. Then I just mentioned that I really liked groping and it was all over.

She wouldn't even listen to reason and I have been banished to the woodshed (or to leave, her choice). I wanted to tell her about the fake blogs at the Groper Blog.

Please help me, Joe B Haive in Sumatra

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Ok, Joe. If you can show her this blog column she will understand, otherwise I hope you have a heater out there in the wood shed. Or a lot of blankets.

Readers (and Mrs. Joe B Haive), there is a blog site like that.

But it is called NewsGroper, not Groper Blog. Click on this to see all the fake blogs. If she doesn't believe you then, pray for a warm winter.

There is a new one about once a week, it seems. My favorite is Al Gore's Blog (link).

Did you know that Al when he was waiting for Pres. Bush to show up for the Nobel Peace Prize photo shoot, he dug around in Bush's desk and found some left over Jolly Ranchers that Bill Clinton used to keep in the top-right-hand drawer?

Al is a hoot on his blog (not), but really the funniest and my favorite is Britney Spears' Blog (link). Everyone should read her side of the stolen lighter episode. She is exonerated if the judge will just read her December 11 post.

I hope this helps you Joe. It will help you for sure, if you can just get your lap top out of the house and into the wood shed.




So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)
Britney Spears' Blog Britney Spears Spears Jamie+Lynn+Spears Lynn+Spears Jamie+Spears Jamie Lynn is pregnant pregnant

This Burbank fellow just wants to stay home all the time

Dear Dr. Jim

I am having the problem of my life. It seems that I don't want to go anyplace anymore. I don't even want to leave the house except for Saturdays and Sundays.

Especially I don't want to go to school. I don't like to go there, I don't like the people there, especially the pupils and teachers, and don't like to do anything they are wanting me to do there.

I will honor your advice, my wife says I should write you and we have this agreement.

Wanna B. Homebody, in Burbank.

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Dear Wanna B.

I have checked the surroundings you are exposed to at that school, everything and everybody is fairly nice, with the exceptions of a few U. Gnow What's. Nastiness runs in the What family and is to be to be expected.

Then I checked with Mrs. Homebody, she says you just have to go as you are a teacher there.

So, it looks like you are stuck there. You could change schools next school year. Or you could change lines of work. That may involve schooling which you probably wouldn't like. What about retirement? I know a retired teacher who has become a golf marshal at a nearby golf course. She gets all the golfing she wants, free.

You can toss a coin about the options above. But tomorrow and for a while you don't have any choice.

So enjoy your weekends, but get your lazy b*tt back to school.


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Reader has a a severe case of pessimision in Seattle

Dear Dr. Jim

I feel as if the sky is falling. Nothing I try turns out right. Sometimes it doesn't even pay for me to get out of bed. When my car will start in the morning, it doesn't run good. When I want to eat, all the others have taken the good food.

At night I am so tired I can't do anything but sleep. But if I go to bed, then I can't sleep. My dog and my wife still love me dearly, but they don't seem to be of much encouragement any more.

Please, Dr. Jim, will you help me get a life back again.

Sleepy and sleepless in Seattle

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Please try to keep your chin up, SSS. Yes, I can help. I believe you have a severe case of pessimision (more here).

I have enlisted the assistance of Pessimists Persevering Limited, or PP ltd. They guarantee that you will be cured in three weeks. After that a small amount of therapy may be required monthly.

A month ago I, myself, was not fit to live by. With the help of PP ltd both my pessimision and pessimism are eliminated. Below are the results of my latest test.

If a report like this appeals to you, please contact me by comment mode, leaving your e-mail and phone number. For a modest fee you will be happy again! All information left will remain confidential and will not be posted as a comment here.

You Are an Optimist

You definitely see the sunny side of life, even when things aren't going so great. And while you may not be a realist, your optimism has really improved your quality of life. You have the energy to take charge, solve your problems, and enjoy life for what it is. Optimists are happier and healthier - so keep thinking positive!

Are You An Optimist or Pessimist?

Any of the readers please feel free to take this evaluation test. It costs you nothing.

So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Wife wants to eat out all the time, at expensive exotic places

Dear Dr. Jim

My wife is an excellent cook. The problem is that she likes to eat out at expensive restaurants. She tells me that things have grown stale with her cooking and she is looking for new dishes at these exotic places.

I'm at my wit's end with her, my pocketbook is too. What do you recommend I do about this situation?

Kyle, eating out and liking less in Philly

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Well, Kyle, you have a dilemma here which is fixable. You know, us guys like to fix things.

First let's discuss the situation. Be glad her 'exotic place' serves meals and that she takes you along. When most women go to 'exotic places' their menfolk aren't invited.

Since 'exotic places' are in her vocabulary, I suspect she goes out in the afternoons quite frequently.

Typical is the 'pressure cooker' joint visit in the middle of the afternoon. These are places to meet, talk, and lineup. Lineup, like line up a hot date with one of the hunks who hand out hang out there.

Then they go home a half hour or so before the old man comes home, stick the pre-cut food goodies in the pressure cooker, and dinner is ready to serve in that half hour. Yours is coming home ready to eat out with you at those wallet busting eateries.

You are fortunate. TAKE AWAY HER ALLOWANCE!!!

This way she won't have money to get into these 'exotic places'. If a 'honey hunk' is paying her way in, she still won't have money to primp and clothe her bod in an enticing way. They will all drop her cold.

Dr. Jim


There is an old adage, keep her barefoot and pregnant, she won't be out running around. That one is pretty risky in today's spouse high flight day and time, I really don't recommend it.


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)


Technorati Profile

All Rivers Run South

Dear Dr. Jim

This may be too hard for you, but I can't figure out why water runs towards the equator from both the north and the south.

When I look at the globe it looks like it all should run to the south, clear on to the South Pole.

Please help me so I can get some decent sleep again.

Loosing Sleep in Kansas

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Who told you that it runs north from the South Pole? That is completely wrong, and your figuring from looking at your globe is totally correct.

You can Google that, in fact there is a song about this little understood fact.

Dr. Jim


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

Busted flat and slipping in Beverly Hills

Dear Jim

I have a 1987 Chevy Pickup with a problem. The motor revs up too fast while going up hills or starting out. It has the feeling that the tires are slipping but they in fact aren't. The dealer wants to install a newly rebuilt transmission for about $4800. What do you suggest?

I might add my pickup is a faithful workhorse with only 300,801 miles on it.

Frustrated G.K. in Beverly Hills

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Ok, G.K, this is a dilemma which could end up as a no-win spending spree.

I researched the value of your truck and found it to be about $1475. (see Note 1) It would seem fool-hardy to spend much more than that to keep your truck going good.

I would recommend for you to do these steps in the following order if you want to keep this truck. If and when the problem is corrected consider yourself lucky and stop.

Buy a can of Heavy Duty Transmission Gunk and put the whole can in. Not really the can, just all of the contents.

Change out all the transmission fluid and the filter.

Buy and install a used ($130), rebuilt ($275), or new ($640) torque converter.

Buy and install a junk yard transmission, complete with torque converter. Be sure to change out the fluid and filter. I have located one in nearby Culver City for $300. E-mail me again and I will give you their phone number and referral info to get it for this price.

Buy a newer used pickup. Check the Kelley Blue Book (see Note 2) for an estimate on prices. Avoid buying on eBay unless you can inspect the vehicle before you buy it.

√√√ To solve your problems fast, I would recommend getting the used transmission. My backyard mechanic will change it out in your driveway for $180 cash.

Remember the old adage, "Treat Your Baby Like A Royalty." (see Note 3)

Notes:
1. Kelley Blue Book - Private Party Pricing Report (link)
2. Kelley Blue Book -- Used Cars for Sale (link)
3. ... Treat Your Baby Like A Royalty (link)


So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"

Is his wife always right?

Dear Dr. Jim

My wife always has to be right. It is very annoying and leads to some disagreements. She still argues even when she know she is wrong. She says she gets it from her parents but I am not sure. They seem normal so I am sure that is not the case. How should I handle these instances when she is wrong?

George and Weezy

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Admitting the problem is half the battle in instances like this. I'm glad Weezy has admitted her problem. I suspect she is shifting the blame a little here, to her parents. Remember Eve blamed the snake for enticing poor old Adam into eating that forbidden dangerous pear and it didn't work. see Note 1

That said, George, have you examined your attitude in this situation? Could it be possible that it is natural to be wanting to be right? And that you also are wanting to "always ... be right?"

Lastly, remember the age old adage, "What is normal?" Even psychologists don't know the answer to that! see Note 2

You say her parents are 'normal.' What if they are normal and also always want to be right? Would this make "also always want[ing] to be right" normal?

One caveat here: By all means remember the old adage, "when Momma ain't happy, nobody is."


Notes
1. Genesis 3:13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?"
The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."(link)

2. Pendulum Resources. Your gateway to affective disorders on the web. (link)






So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"


Psychology Marriage Advice Humor

Welcome

Welcome to the new "Ask Dr. Jim" (blog)!

I am really excited about this as it will be a 2nd anniversary blog.

.
JIM'S LITTLE BLOG was created December 1, 2006, 1st anniversary blog.

JIM'S LITTLE PHOTO PLACE was created first December 1, 2007.

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Please feel free to check those out at any time.

This blog is a response blog, where I will only respond to questions readers and/or acquaintances have.

Disclaimer:

1. NOTHING IN THIS BLOG SHOULD BE RELIED UPON WHERE YOUR SAFETY, FINANCES, OR LOVE LIFE MAY BE AFFECTED.

2. IT IS INTENDED FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF QUESTIONERS AND READERS ONLY.

3. EVERYTHING, INCLUDING MATERIAL WRITTEN BY DR. JIM AND HIS PHOTOS SUBMITTED IN THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHT BY JIMMIEHOV, A.K.A. JIM OR DOCTOR NAME AND MY REAL NAME WHICH IS NOT DISCLOSED HEREIN. THOSE ITEMS WHICH OBVIOUSLY ARE NOT JIM'S MATERIALS BELONG TO THEIR CREATOR AND MAY BE COPYRIGHT BY THOSE PERSONS OR ENTITIES.

4. ANY PERSON OR ENTITY RELYING ON THE ADVICE HEREIN WILL HOLD DR. JIM (AND ALIAS) HARMLESS AND NO LIABILITY TO THAT PERSON OR ENTITY WILL ENSUE.

5. DR. JIM RESERVES THE RIGHT TO DELETE AND COMMENT NOT DEEMED BY HIM TO BE IN PROPER ETHICS OR MORALS. DR. JIM HAS SEVERAL JUVENILE READERS, SO PLEASE ASK YOURSELF "WOULD YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE READING MATERIAL LIKE THIS?"

6. IN KEEPING WITH ITEM # 5 ABOVE, DR. JIM WILL EMPLOY COMMENT MODERATION ON THIS BLOG.

Having said that, please feel free to pose questions for Dr. Jim.

Some favorite topics I (Dr. Jim) like to deal with concern the following subjects:
Marital life;

Dogs, especially about Adi ;
Pets in general care advice;

Biblical questions; and
Automobile and other mechanical advice.

There may be many other areas where you might decide will make for cleaver reading by the readers.

If your question stumps Dr. Jim that will be a very good thing. It shows that Dr. Jim really doesn't know everything.

Now get to asking questions. Please do this by leaving a comment. Your inquiry will be e-mailed directly to Dr. Jim before publication here. IF YOU DO NOT WISH YOUR COMMENT DISPLAYED, PLEASE TELL ME THIS IN YOUR COMMENT.

Dr. Jim will answer questions from anonymous comments but priority will be given to those persons who identify themselves. You may identify yourself with a reliable blog address or e-mail address which I belief belongs to you.
.


If you are really in a hurry try Google or Wikipedia. Those places are where I find a lot of my help.

There may be other rules that develop as we go along.

NOW, GET TO ASKING!!

More problems with Christmas gift giving -- detailed

Dear Dr. Jim

My sister gave my kids really crappy Christmas presents this year. We all draw names and the minimum was $50; however, they gave him a $5 gift card to McDonald's.

How do I handle the response to this? We bought their child a Wii game that was well over $50 with tax. Please let me know your opinion. I have googled your blog and it seems like you give honest responses to people's questions.

Thank you for the response, in advance.

Warmest Regards,
Trying Not To Be a Scrooge!

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Dear Trying

I feel for your son. Fortunately this inequity in gift giving is quite common at Christmas time. A close runner up is found in birthday gifting. Both of these situations then can be categorized for advice and adaptation purposes as Inequitable Gifting Syndrome, or IGS.

Next we must deal with finding who is the patient for IGS counseling, you, your spouse, or as I believe you stated, your son.

To help us here, let's assume there is a case of IGS here. If so, we must understand the motives of the other mother who is your sister.

1. First, do you think she has hostile feelings towards you or your child? This very may be the case. Let's assume she is not hostile to start.

1.a. You didn't say if she was older or younger than you are. Younger sisters (and brothers) often suffer from a complex that in lay terms, they feel they can not compete with the older sibling, for their entire life, in school, in marriage, or in child raising, all of which would make matters worse for you and/or your son.

1.b. Was the $50 minimum agreed upon by the family or was it pushed by your parent(s) or other family members. If the family agreed, did, perhaps, your sister not agree, but was simply outvoted? If she resents the arrangement, she might opt out if given a choice. (If you should choose this avenue, you may expect to hear some choice words, so be sure your son is not present.)

1.c. Can your sister afford to give a $50 present to all her nieces and nephews? That seems a bit high. In fact quite a bit high. My clients regularly do limit the gifts to these niece and nephew children to $5.00. Leave it up to the parents to get the really expensive presents.

I digress here for a moment. My aunt and uncles did not give me anything for Christmas, my grandmother always gave me a new handkerchief. And personally to this day, I do not give nieces and nephews presents over $10. Now grandchildren fare a little better. I generally give them all, young and old, $25 worth of McDonald's coupons.

1.d. Your sister may not have received communication about the money limit at all. In this case she would feel that a $5 McDonald's gift was perfect. Was she there when the amount was decided upon? She may not have heard correctly if she was there, there may have been a misprint if she got it in the form of a letter or e-mail.

2. Now assume she is hostile

2.a. Find out if you can, why she is hostile. Towards you? Towards your son? Towards your spouse? Towards you all?

Getting to the roots of IGS is very precise, many psychologists use flowchart techniques. I believe what we are seeing today here could be flowcharted for a visible aid to grasping the problem roots here. This would not be free as it would involve professionals instead of writers.

2.b. Item 1.b. above, the inadequacy feelings of being younger may actually lead to hostility which would explain the IGS immediately.

2.c. If you, your son, or your spouse is younger than her child or her or her husband, she may be jealous of the attention younger people naturally receive. Be careful here as she may be aggravated to violence, with the purpose of leaving the object of her wrath less desirable after she mops up.

3. Have you questioned your own feelings and those of your son? Granted $45 is quite a divergence in gift prices, the receiver (or parent) could develop into a deteriorative form of IGS. In this situation the patient often gets physical symptoms such as bleeding ulcers, nervous quivers, slurred speech, blurred vision, or terrible headaches.

4. My advice to you is two-fold.

4.a. If you can, you yourself withdraw your family from the expensive gift exchange. Save your bucks for your own kids.

4.b. If you can't withdraw, and assuming your sister does not either, seek paid professional advice. I am not a medical doctor or a psychologist and these matters of dealing with IGS, or any health situation like this should be left to these professionals. Please note again that I am a Law Doctor, nothing here is very imposing on legal rights (not yet).

I hope this helped you and the vast group who might stumble on this advice. Mainly to be able to see how minute the problem really is when we compare it with the complex job of running the whole universe. And the more the adults carry on the more the children become demented.




So, keep on keep'n on, and till then,
"Please ask your question or leave your comment now!"
(Just ask me and you will remain anonymous)

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